


A Tale of Guns and Leather

by doctorwhomever



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cringe, Dystopia, Emo, Hamilton - Freeform, Homestuck - Freeform, Not Good, OC, Original Character(s), Original work - Freeform, Other, Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, bad, fall out boy - Freeform, my chemical romance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 54
Words: 45,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6660808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorwhomever/pseuds/doctorwhomever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was a book I wrote in middle school. I didn't finish it because I realized how bad it was like 50 chapters in. All of the characters are straw men and the plot nears nonsensical. I've decided to post it because, eh, why not? It's really bad don't worry I've already revised it a few times, the rewrite I'm on now is much much better. Again, sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Guns and Leather

There once was a distant land known as The United States of America. This place was a very… okay place. Overall it was rather mediocre. It was located on the planet Earth, somewhat to the left and a bit up. It’s shaped like a rectangle with a bunch of little sticks poking out of it. The United States of America, also known as America or “The U.S.”, was run by a person known as “The President.” Basically, every four to eight years a new guy gets to be the president. Kind of like the Doctor from Doctor Who, but from America. One day, a president by the name of John Blandon got a bit drunk while delivering a speech to the rest of the world.  
He proclaimed during the speech, “All you other countries… *hiccup* is stupid little… *hiccup*… dummies. You’re communist, racist little pricks, and I…I... DECLARE WAR ON ALL Y’ALL!”  
He then promptly collapsed in a pool of vomit on stage. The other countries of the world wanted to seize this opportunity to get back at the U.S. for being such douches to them, but they didn’t want to hurt the U.S. too badly. And so, after a lot of bombs were dropped, the U.S. plunged into a time of anarchy for a while. The land was divided into three main regions: The Toxic Wasteland to the east, the Sea of Sand in the center, and the Rows of California to the west. The names are all pretty self explanatory of their new climates and geographies and whatnot. The whole scenario played out exactly as the writers of 1980’s apocalypse movies expected; Full of guns and leather.


	2. Lone Lyoko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, these names are not even remotely original and I am so sorry.

Traversing the desert was a man who goes by the name, “The Lone Lyoko.” Imagine David Bowie from the movie Labyrinth, but sleeveless in black leather, taller, and with even more wicked hair. The Lone Lyoko also had pink streaks through his hair and a pair of goggles in case a sandstorm rolls around. Even if there isn’t a sandstorm, he still usually wears the goggles because they look cool.  
Nobody knows too much about The Lone Lyoko, but those followers of 1980’s fantasy movies could swear he is David Bowie. One day Lyoko came across a small divot in the sand.   
“Humph,” he quietly said to himself, “I wonder how that got there.”   
Not much after thinking that he saw the cause of the small hole; a small mammal was attempting to burrow out a small hole.   
“How cute,” he thought, “it actually thinks it’s going to survive.”  
Lyoko walked away, further into the desert.   
The mammal looked back to that odd man, and wondered to itself, “Zastanawiam się, gdzie ten dziwny człowiek ma zamiar?” The animal soon got its answer, when a large bus caved in his small burrow.  
The bus, which was now a destructor of at least twenty-six animal homes, was faded purple in its exterior paint and very furnished on the inside. It resembled a school bus, except jacked on steroids. It had weird outcroppings along the edges, which were various expansions to the interior. The bus had a big sign on the top, which read “The Church of Elephants.” Inside the bus was quite the group of characters, and among them was the (now not) Lone Lyoko. He had hitched a ride with this party of Killjoys. Killjoys are people who see the apocalypse as a chance to live life to the fullest and do whatever they want. Their motto is “Fuck Everything.” The name is derived from the name given to fans of the band My Chemical Romance, during their album “Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys,” as well as the characters from the subsequent comic book, “The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys,” although today’s Killjoys are substantially even more fabulous. It would probably be best that they are introduced now.

The Angel of Malevolence is the leader of the Church of Elephants, though he’s sometimes called the Mal Angel. He has slicked black hair and a small beard. He sort of resembles Dave Grohl mixed with Tom Hiddleston. He wears a long green coat, a formal green shirt and dark green vest, a bright red bow tie, and khaki shorts. His legs are hairy and he wears sandals. On the back of his coat is a pair of silver angel wings, so that his name fits.  
The Mal Angel’s right-hand man is The Demonic Lawyer. This man is better dressed than his angelic counterpart. Demon Law, as he is referred to, is younger looking, with brown hair. However, that brown hair is just covered in hair dye, with streaks of red, pink, green, blue, yellow, and purple, basically every color except orange. He wears a faded black t-shirt from some anime, black skinny jeans, a nice red blazer, and white gloves.  
Working the weapons on the Church is Doctor D, a possibly psychotic thing with no regard for life. Dr. D sports a blue overall with a red-and-yellow striped shirt underneath, and a very creative mask, resembling that of a hockey player, albeit this mask is much more colorful and much less scary. Dr. D is pretty mysterious, and was a hitchhiker acquired by the church soon after it, “set sail,” into the Sea of Sand.  
On board the Church is the Candyman, a well-dressed Brit working as the doctor and scientist. He is a M.D. and a PhD. The Candyman is tall and slender, and has fuzzy grey hair. He is dressed in a formal suit, but it is bright pink and the shirt is teal blue. He also sports a red bow tie and a candy cane-colored cane. The Candyman was found just outside of New Fucksville, the name given to what was once a small town in Nevada.  
Lady Luck is the engineer of the group. She is rather intelligent, and has been married to the Doc for nearly a year. She enjoys having fun and tends to look “on the bright side of things.” She is tall and slender, with vivid red hair. Imagine the epitome of girl-power, with a dash of 80’s post-apocalypse and a bit of 2010’s video game. Lady Luck is also the mastermind behind the many expansions.  
And so, the Church of Elephants happily accepted its newest member, Lone Lyoko, into the prestigious band of Killjoys. Though they did not know it yet, they would have many adventures, with rival teams and eventually start an entire war. It is a wonderful tale, much better than that vampire book you could be reading. The Church set out on its first journey.

The Church of Elephants sped through the vast, empty desert. Loud pop-punk music blared throughout the bus. Mal got up from his velvet sofa in the back and carefully walked up to Lady, who was driving the Church. “How long do you think ‘til we get there?” asked Mal.  
“We’ll get there eventually. It can’t be too much longer now.”  
Mal grunted a sound that resembled the word “okay” and walked back to his seat. On his way, he passed Doctor D quietly tinkering with a few weapons, Candyman sitting on a bar stool watching an old cartoon from the 2000’s on the monitor somehow rigged to the side of the bus, Demon reading a book on logic and reasoning, and Lyoko sitting politely in a wooden chair next to the velvet sofa.   
“Hey Lyoko,” asked Mal, “Don’t you have anything to do?”  
“I am doing something,” responded Lyoko in a quiet, polite voice, “I’m thinking some rather troubling thoughts.”  
“Oh…”Mal said rather awkwardly, “Do you want to talk about them?”  
“No.”  
And that was the end of that.  
Lady called over the intercom system rigged into the bus. “We’re almost here.” The Church members stopped their activities and prepared for whatever it is they were getting ready for. They got their Laser Guns out and their jackets on if they had them. The bus pulled to a halt and they all got out.  
Standing before them was an abandoned 7-Eleven. It was like any other convenience store of the same name, except the windows on this one was broken and the doors were jammed shut. It was also coated in a fine layer of dust.  
The Church confidently approached the door, led by Mal somewhat obviously. However, the closer they got, the more they spread apart. By the time they were at the door, Doctor D was in front, wielding a ridiculously large Laser Gun. The gun had several attachments and barrels, and was all sorts of crazy, clashing colors. He stepped back and fired a large orange laser into the door, which promptly exploded. The Church followed Dr. D into the store.  
The interior of the store was pretty shit. The lights were all broken and off, a few loose wires still sparked from the ceiling, numerous aisles were overturned, and the cash register was expectantly missing. “Anarchists,” muttered Lady under her breath. “Okay guys,” exclaimed Mal, ignoring Lady’s comment, “let’s just look for some supplies: food, memorabilia, anything. Be on the lookout for anyone suspicious. If they look Colossal, we shoot. If they look Killjoy, we don’t shoot. Anything else, wait for my command.”  
The Church members all knew what these terms meant and they began digging through the contents of the store. However, just a few minutes into the search, the back door swung open. “Whoa, what the fuck…” muttered the swinger of the door. In an instant, the Church members all stood up and aimed their Laser Guns on the intruder. It was a teenage boy, around the age of seventeen, dressed in all white. His outfit was rather trashy—a vintage vest, a polo shirt, dress pants, and Dockers. He also had clearly bleached blonde hair and white sunglasses.  
Several other teenage boys also dressed in similar white outfits soon followed behind the first through the back door and they also quickly had Laser Guns pointed at their beings. But just as quickly as they arrived, the retreated back into the room. The Church stood in confusion and awe. And a moment later, the 7-Eleven filled with white smoke.  
The Church members coughed as the smoke cleared, revealing eight teenage white boys dressed in white pointing white Laser Guns at them. One of the white boys had a white hat and white-rimmed triangle glasses. He was the one who spoke first.  
“So, what are you bitches doing on Whiteboy turf?”   
The Church members looked at the Whiteboy with confusion. “What is…” was all that Candyman could get out before he was interrupted.   
“Shut up, weeb-fag!” said the Whiteboy rudely, “You’re on the turf of the Whitest White Boys, a team legally started through the Colossal government. We’re legal here.”   
Suddenly, Demon broke into laughter. “Are you serious?” he asked in between fits of amusement, “You’re in Killjoy Territory. Cooler teams aren’t allowed here, unless it’s on a declaration of war. Boom, you just got lawyer’d.” The Whiteboy got frustrated and shot Demon in the leg.  
“I don’t care! Get out!” yelled the Whiteboy angrily. Demon got up, but was still hunched over and clutching his leg. Mal took charge against the White Boys. “Dude, you can’t just shoot him! You’re not even legally allowed to be here! You get out!” The Whiteboy prepared to shoot Mal as well, but Doctor D quickly shot the douche first. A firefight ensued.  
The two forces shot Lasers back and forth, breaking several “Slurpee” machines in the process. However, the chaos quickly resolved, as the only experience the White Boys had with combat was in video games. They were all quickly killed by the Church of Elephants. The smoke settled, and the Church quickly got their things and loaded up the Bus. They sped off back into the desert.


	3. Death of a Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did I kill everyone off so early? This is why these characters are so weak.

The Sea of Sand, the central region in the United States, spreads between the two mountain ranges formerly known as the “Rockies” and the “Appalachians.” It is a vast desert, divided into four territories. The territories each have different climates, cultures, and beliefs, but they are all ruled under the same set of laws, set by the first Killjoys right after the bombing of America. The Territories each have one main ruler, the Way. The four territories are Killjoy, Colossal, Cooler, and Emokind. Each preserves elements of a subculture that existed before the Bombing.   
The Church of Elephants sped through the middle of Killjoy Territory. They were being chased by several flying mechanized suits, or Mechs. As they knew, the Mechs belonged to the Colossals, who the Killjoys were currently at war with.  
“Shit!” exclaimed Demon Law, as he narrowly dodged a laser shot from one of these Mechs. He and Doctor D were leaning out of the windows and shooting back at the oncoming Colossals. “How are they this far into our Territory?” asked Mal to anyone who wasn’t preoccupied with shooting the attackers.  
“I heard that St. Lois fell to them last week, so this may be the aftershocks of that,” answered Candyman, who was trying to radio for help.  
“Well, it doesn’t matter why they’re here,” called Lady Luck from the front of the bus, “It just matters that we don’t fucking die. I think we should try to lose them in Perpcol. I heard there’s a lot of Killjoys there.”  
Perpcol is a Killjoy city near the center of the territory. It was once a factory for the popular cola brand, Pepsi Cola. Most Killjoy cities are just former factories or malls that have been converted into living spaces for passing Killjoys and refugees from the Bombings. Most people in the Sea of Sand either wander through the desert or live quiet lives in the cities.  
The Church was soon within visible distance of Perpcol. Candyman’s radio managed to connect to someone’s in the city. “Hello, this is Candyman of the Church of Elephants,” said Candyman into the radio. The response was a bit fuzzy, but it sounded like, “This is the French Titan from Perpcol center. What is it?”  
“We have some Colossals on our backs and we don’t want to fucking die. Can you send some other Killjoys to help us?”  
“Sure thing,” replied the French Titan.  
The Church was almost to Perpcol when one of the Colossals shot one of the wheels. The bus began to slow down, and the Colossals started to gain on them. A laser burned through the back window of the Church and nearly hit Lyoko, who was sitting near the front calmly reading a book. Lady knew she could only keep the bus from crashing by slowing down, but that would mean slowing down. Demon and Doctor D kept shooting profusely at the oncoming Mechs as Candyman tried to rush the Perpcol Killjoys. Mal ducked under one of the seats in panic and hoped he wouldn’t get shot.  
Suddenly, Doctor D fell out of the window of the bus with a laser hole through his chest. Lady saw her husband’s hunched over corpse lying motionless in the desert through her rear-view mirrors. The Colossal Mechs got closer and closer. Hope looked lost for the Church of Elephants.  
Finally, the Perpcol Killjoys arrived. A rainbow of hope approached the slowing Church. A green motorcycle, a yellow car, a blue van, and a red truck passed the Church and opened fire on the Colossal Mechs. A colorful firefight ensued.  
The Church halted. Mal heard the pew of the Laser guns coming from behind, as well as the occasional scream in pain. After a while, the exchange of Lasers ceased. A voice called to the Church of Elephants, “It’s safe.”  
Mal cautiously got out from under the seat. Lyoko put down his book and stood up. Demon came in from the window and stood upright. The Candyman slid off of his barstool and got up. The Church members got out and began to walk to the line of vehicles that belonged to the Perpcol Killjoys.  
Those Killjoys, as it turned out, were the French Titan, Bleeding Hammerhead, Auto Mystic, Elongated Tree, Grounded Leviathan, and the Way of the Killjoys, Loki Damned.   
The Church thanked these Killjoys for saving them.  
“No problem,” said Auto Mystic.  
Another Killjoy walked over to the group. “Hey Loki,” said this unnamed Killjoy, “One of the Colossals wrote something on, um…” He pointed to the group of Church members. “…on their guy.”  
The Killjoys crowded around Doctor D’s corpse. Burned into his overalls were the words “Joy Grateful.” Loki muttered a curse, and then explained. “Joy Grateful is one of the bigger leaders in the Colossal territory. I heard she might try to become the Way one day. Ironically, she used to be my friend, before she left. She said we were ‘Holding back progress,’ and ‘A bunch of unorganized morons.’ She used to be really cool, too. Oh well.”  
The Killjoys gathered themselves and drove into Perpcol.  
The Church of Elephants stayed in a small room overnight. Throughout the previous day, after they arrived, they shopped and looked around the city and talked with some of the residents. It sounded like the war with the Colossals was not in the favor of the Killjoys. But, this was a problem for another day. The Church members prepared to sleep.  
Boom! A loud explosion was heard in the distance. The Church members quickly got up and ran outside of their room to the nearest window. In the distance was a rather large fire. They quickly ran to their bus and drove out to it. Several other Killjoys also went to their respective vehicles and followed close behind.  
A Colossal Mech was being burned. Through the roaring flames, Lady Luck saw her deceased husband, rather the corpse of her deceased husband, strapped into the mech and being burned. She screamed in agony. Next to the flaming suit, written in flames, were the letters “J G.” Grounded Leviathan walked over to Mal. “I think it would be best if you guys left,” said Grounded. Mal nodded and organized his team. They got onto the bus and drove off into the night.


	4. Old English

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added this chapter in the first big revision, which is the version of the story I've been posting. 
> 
> For reference, there have been three major overhauls and countless revisions since.

The Church of Elephants sped through the desert once more. Everyone was occupied with meaningless tasks—Lyoko was reading again, Candyman was messing with some sort of computer, Demon was watching TV, Lady was busy mourning her husband, and Mal was driving because Lady was too busy mourning.  
Lady was looking out of the window, rather depressed. It wasn’t until Doctor D was burned that she fully realized her husband’s demise. But now, the idea plagued her every thought. That, and the cloaked, hunched over person trotting through the Sea.  
“Stop the bus!” called Lady. Mal halted the bus, and all the Killjoys got up and got out. The hunched man saw what the Killjoys were doing and trotted over to them. Once he was close enough, the Church members saw him in full.  
He was an old-ish man, at least from what they could tell. A large black trench coat covered most of him. He also had round black goggles with tinted blue lenses and a large black trench coat. They only reason they were using male pronouns was because of his large gray beard. The beard covered all of his neck and dipped to his chest, and was also quite curly. The man stood about 3 meters away from them.  
“Hello!” he called to them, “I am a fortune teller of sorts!”  
Hearing this, Demon immediately disliked him and went back into the bus. Demon didn’t really believe in the supernatural and he loathed those who claimed they had any connection of the otherworldly sort.  
The man called out to the remaining Killjoys. “Come up! It’s free and guaranteed true!” For some reason, whether it was out of actually believing the man or if it was out of boredom, Lady walked over.  
The man twisted the lenses on his goggles and scratched his beard. His voice then deepened from when he talked earlier. “Ah, I’m quite sorry for your loss. But, everyone loses someone in their life at some point. But for you, this isn’t the first, but it is the last. After leaving one spouse, one leaving you, and one disliking you, you will never love another person again. Now, go back to your friends.”  
Stunned by how accurate the old man’s words were, Lady was unable to speak. She just walked back to the Church. Candyman then walked over to the old man.  
The man twisted his goggles again and scratched his beard once more. “You’ve been through a lot in life, haven’t you? And you wish for it to end quite soon. You wish to explore science, but not to the extreme of the Colossal fellows, right? I’m sorry to tell you that most of this cannot be achieved. However, your life will end soon.” Candyman then walked back to the Church and Mal walked over.  
The old man did the same things again. “Do not worry. You know how hopeless your situation is and you mask it with apathy. But you are not hopeless. You and your friends may not succeed in this life, but they will in the next, I know it. You will die soon, but in the afterlife you will help defeat a great evil. Just have hope.” Mal walked back and Lyoko walked over.  
The old man twisted his goggles a few more times than previously and scratched his beard even harder. “Though you truly do not know it, you are doing wrong. You have a great power within you, and you will certainly use it for malicious purposes. But it is not your fault. You are being manipulated and you don’t even know it. You will be falsely judged, but things will eventually turn right for you, hopefully. I’m sorry.” Lyoko walked back over.  
After having all of their fortunes told surprisingly accurately, the Killjoys began to file back into the bus. “Wait!” called the old man, “Remember me and my fortunes. My name is Old English. My fortunes will come true. You must head into Colossal territory to complete your goals. Go now!” The Church of Elephants quickly sped off.


	5. The Return of Joy Grateful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How could I have made a character return before they were introduced???
> 
> Middle school me sure has no concept of character development, that's for sure.

The Church of Elephants was going about their journey when Candyman’s radio started acting up. Lyoko saw that Candyman was very puzzled. “What’s going on with your Radio?” asked Lyoko. “Nothing,” replied the Candyman, “I think we’re just getting a call.”  
A voice started to become heard behind the radio static. “…hello…hello…” the voice continued until it became stable. “Hello. My name is Jane G, a fellow Killjoy trapped in Colossal territory. I’m calling out to all the Killjoys-- I need your help.” The message continued multiple times, until the connection died. Mal turned back to the other Killjoys. “This could be what Old English was talking about.”  
The drive to Colossal territory wasn’t that far, since that was where the Church was already headed. The climate inexplicably changed across the border, with the sky becoming grayer and the sand becoming whiter. Although they were alone, the Church felt as if they were being watched. A few chunks of metal became visible in the desert.  
Candyman got the radio to be able to send a call on Jane’s frequency. He decided to let Demon Law talk for the group this time. “Hello,” said Demon, “I’m sending a message to Jane G. This is the Demonic Lawyer of the Church of Elephants. We are on our way to help. Where are you?” Demon kept repeating this message until he got a response, which said, “Thank you. I am located just outside the city of Skare, along the border between Colossal Territory and Emokind Territory.”  
The Church eventually came across the town of Skare, and decided they had to be very careful as to not attract the attention of the Colossals. But then suddenly something clicked inside the mind of Lyoko. “We have to stop,” he started to say, but it was too late. Dozens of giant metal mechs flew above the buildings in the city, and were headed towards the Church.  
“Hello,” said the lady in one of the mechs, “My name is Joy Grateful. You might remember me. According to the scanners on my mech, you have Lyoko with you. Lyoko, I suggest you get your ass out of the bus.” The lady, Joy Grateful, was tall with short red hair. She wore baggy black sweat pants that were tight in the waist and an orange tank-top. She also sported some iron on her shoulders, resembling a bowl with small cylinders coming off of it. The other members looked towards Lyoko. “Lyoko,” said Mal, “who is that?” Lyoko was about to explain when a storm of laser beams rained down upon the purple bus. “This is your last chance,” said Joy, “before we blow your Killjoy-infested truck to dust!” The Church looked around, panicked, hoping to find a solution to help them out of this mess, but they could not. And with that, the Church of Elephants became nothing more than a colorful mark in the dreary sands of this wretched land.  
Joy scoffed at the mess of colors and metals in the middle of the desert. “Shame, too. Oh well, I guess science just advanced too far for Lyoko. That or the chip wore off. Oh well.” Joy began to get back into her mech when one of the other Colossals got out of their mech. It was a short-ish man. “Joy, my scanners also show that Lady Luck was also in the bus. If my memory serves me, didn’t she used to be called Red Robin?”  
Joy sighed and looked into the distance. “I don’t care about Red anymore. It’s a real shame, honestly, that she didn’t join me when she had the chance. Oh well. Her mind was too clouded by adrenaline and a desire to hold back progress anyways. Oh well, let’s head back to Appul.”


	6. The Fall of Loki Damned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe if you listen to My Chemical Romance as you read this it will all make sense.

The Killjoy Capital was located deep in the southern region of their territory. It is here were Loki Damned, the Way of the Killjoys, could feel all hope fading fast in this war.   
Loki was a tall-ish fellow. He had blonde hair that had been dyed jet black, thick eyebrows dyed dark brown, and a small scar just above his right eye. He wore a green jacket that went down to his thigh. The jacket was made of some strong cloth, and resembled the jacket worn by the character Loki in the movie The Avengers. He also wore black skinny jeans and black boots that went about halfway up his shin. The boots had many gold designs on them. He also wore a very colorful t-shirt that clashed with the rest of his outfit.  
A lowly grunt burst into the room. “Sir,” said the unimportant Killjoy, “The Church of Elephants has been taken out by the Joyful Demons. Lyoko is reported dead with the Key, Sir!” Loki stared out into the vast emptiness of the desert. He was very worried about the fate of his people. If the Colossals were able to march, or fly rather, into Killjoy territory, it would spell the end of many innocent people. If Joy Grateful was able to find the Key, it wouldn’t just be the end of the Killjoys, the entirety of the Sea of Sand would be reduced to…sand!  
Loki continued pacing with these troublesome thoughts in his head when another lowly soldier burst through the room. “Sir,” he started formally, “Lyoko has been confirmed, by the Scouts, alive. All Joyful Demons, or Colossals, for that matter, have left not only the site but also the town of Skare. We fear they may be headed to Almeco.” Loki knew what he must do. “Assemble the Elite Gods and Goddesses;” ordered Loki, “we have some…pests… to deal with. Some rather big pests, don’t you think, Guy?”  
“Yes sir,” replied Guy.  
The Elite Gods and Goddesses are a team led by Loki Damned that was the topmost team in the Killjoys. They consist of Zeus Thunder-Burger, Artemis Flaw, Hell’s Bells, and The Jest. They were the best of the best, and typically had disposable grunts to help them in battle. The battle of Almeco would prove to be one of the most difficult battles and thus, one with the most grunt corpses.  
The Elites, as they’re called, were able to get to Almeco quickly on Buggies and evacuated everyone. Although the city was empty, it was still important to defend. It held the Keyhole, which when activated was believed to be able to obliterate all life in the Sea of Sand. The Elites were stationed in each of the tallest buildings to, quite literally, rain hell on the Colossals. Grunts filled the smaller buildings and the outer parts of the city. Although the setup was ingenious, the Killjoys were not, nor could they ever, be prepared for the incoming enemy.  
At high noon, when the sun was most bright, the large metal figures were seen over the horizon. Word was spread through Almeco to prepare for incoming Colossals. Every Killjoy there was ready to give their life to protect the land they know and love, to protect everything they believe in, and to protect their families and loved ones. They were noble, and their deaths will always be remembered.  
The Colossals stopped just outside of the city walls. The two armies were at a standstill, until the Lone Lyoko stepped out of the biggest mech. “Why hello there, Loki,” said Lyoko rather impudently, “dearest brother of mine. I hope you don’t feel…shocked at this stunning revelation. Yes, I, Lyoko, the older brother who left home, the one who wandered the Sea without the help of anyone, the one who was all alone when the bombs dropped, I, Lyoko, am the one who will be your destructor.”  
Laser beams rained down upon both sides. Violent bloodshed and laser holes went through both sides. Buildings collapsed, crushing and maiming several Elites and grunts. Smoke filled the city streets, mechs exploded, Buggies became overturned. Lyoko climbed down from his mech and walked over to his brother, who was being crushed under a fallen mech. “Well, well, well,” said Lyoko quite menacingly, “it appears that I am the victor. You will die here knowing you and everything you ever lived for will fall. Goodnight, dear brother. Sweet dreams.” Lyoko fired a laser into Loki. “Pity,” said Lyoko. “Now my boots are all dirty.”


	7. Stick it in the Key Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where it starts to become a Soap Opera I think.
> 
> There are at least 30 more chapters of this.

Lyoko marched his way through the crumbled city. He was given a task and he must complete it. Lyoko has nothing to stop him; he has no opponents, none who can get in his path. It was, for once, really this easy. He approached the structure, a small shack, partly caved in. He forced open the door and subsequently knocked over the burned corpse keeping the door ajar. Lyoko flinched at the smell of the shack, reeking of dead humans. Gross, he thought.   
In the shack lies a small clichéd book shelf that hides the secret tunnel. Yet before he could climb down the ladder, a voice appeared behind Lyoko. “Hold it right there, ficken Schwanz. Where do you think you’re going you Colossal piece of shit?”  
Lyoko straightened up and could feel the cold barrel of the laser gun pressed against his head. “Why hello there, Star. How odd to see you so far from your Emokind home, don’t you agree?” The barrel pressed further into his hair.   
“I don’t have any time for your sass, shit-dick. What the fuck do you plan to do with the Keyhole?” replied Star quite vulgarly.  
“Oh! You should watch your language. I have no business with the Emokind. I only care about conquering these Killjoys,” said Lyoko.  
“Don’t you know?” asked Star, “unlocking the Keyhole will rip apart the entire Sea! You’ll kill us all!”  
Lyoko stood for a second. “Oh well,” he replied as he ducked, tripped Star and took his gun. “Guess you’ll be the first.” Lyoko fired the laser beam into Star’s head.  
The tunnel leading to the Keyhole was very dark and damp, and caused many hushed remarks from Lyoko. Several uneventful meters of dirt and bugs later, Lyoko arrived at the Keyhole. The chamber in which the Keyhole is held is starkly different from the rest of the Sea of Sand for one sole reason: water. The Keyhole is rich in water, with waterfalls surrounding the Keyhole and a small moat. Lyoko admired the scenery for a moment, and then promptly headed for the Keyhole.  
The Keyhole is a small stone pillar with a hole in the top and mysterious blue lights along the sides. Lyoko approached the pillar and looked down at his arm, which was now glowing blue in a nice pattern. He knew what he must do. Lyoko tossed aside all regrets, all regards for human life and stuck his arm in the Keyhole.  
The ground started to shake. Lyoko could feel the Keyhole reacting with the Key inside of him. Lyoko doesn’t know where or how he acquired the Key, nor did he care. All he knew was that this is his destiny. The water surrounding the Keyhole started to glow blue, and began melting through the cave where the Keyhole was hidden away. Lyoko’s mind started filling with regret. He realized he made a mistake, but it was too late. His arm started burning, the energy of the Key melting his skin away, and slowly his muscles and eventually his bones. Lyoko’s eyes started to glow blue, and glowing blue water-goop started to pour out of his mouth. The liquid subsequently burned the rest of his skin and muscles and bones. In one final burst, Lyoko’s body exploded with water-goop and the cave erupted with blue fury.  
The Keyhole has been activated. Hot blue watery goop poured over the Sea of Sand. It burned through the ground, destroyed civilizations, and took the lives of many. Lyoko had brought the destruction upon everyone and plunged the Sea into a time of chaos and pain. But that is not entirely true. Contrary to what was believed, the Keyhole’s activation hardly affected the Emokind or Cooler territories, and didn’t affect more than half of Colossal territory. Although the devastation was great, the story shall carry on.


	8. Novocain Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why.
> 
> "It's sure to be quite the adventure" yeah for like seven chapters.

Within the Emokind territory lays a team that we will shift focus to. This team is known as the Novocain Nightmares. The Novocain Nightmares used to travel via bus, but ever since the Keyhole’s activation, they have switched to a heat-proof boat to travel the many goopy rivers now filling the Sea. They have been given the special task, given to them by the Way of the Emokind, to explore the now free territory in the southern United States.  
The Novocain Nightmares consists of 6 crewmates, all led by The Clown Princess. Although he was a Princess, The Clown was most certainly a male. He just likes to feel pretty. He sports heavy-duty clown makeup to mask his hideously scarred face, all of which were acquired through experiments with the Blue Flame, the name given to the liquid found throughout the Sea of Sand. He wears a tight, red-and-white striped shirt with suspenders that hold up his frilly purple skirt. He wears tall red boots and a bright purple top hat, and his hair is dyed neon green.  
Assisting the Clown Princess is Zaria Vengeance, a somewhat overexcited teenage girl who came to the Sea of Sand after being left in the Western Mountains. She is short and somewhat muscular, with short red hair and a loose striped orange-and-yellow shirt. She wears jeans and prefers to go barefoot. She has tanned skin and likes to dress simply. She has been with The Clown ever since she was a small girl, after escaping the Mountains.  
Also with the crew is Icy Stardust, a cool dude from the northern end of Emokind territory. He sports a nice dressy outfit with a formal vest. He has a light blue shirt, grey pants, grey vest, a dark blue tie, and icy blue highlights in his blonde hair. He wears nice black dress shoes. Over time, his outfit has become more worn and even singed at times. He wears glasses that have been repaired many times with duct tape and he tends to have a laid back attitude.  
Icy also has a sister, however. Her name is Flame Stardust. Flame is a bit more emotional than her cool brother, but they both share the same mother. She has blonde hair with orange and red highlights. She wears a red tank-top shirt and a frilly orange dress and black Vans. Her outfit is not as worn or singed as her brother’s, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the adventurous attitude or battle experience of her brother.  
Chaperoning this crew of young adults and teenagers is The Professor, a somewhat battle-hardened and elderly old man. Despite his age, The Professor has very similar interests to the other crew members. The Emokind carried on the traditions of the fangirls and emos of the 21st century. Traditional Emokind music consists of bands like Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, and My Chemical Romance. Those traditions have been carried on through the years, and continue to be practiced by the Emokind today. The Professor has slicked back salt-and-pepper hair, bifocals, a classical “Black Veil Brides” t-shirt, a large black overcoat, $100 rave pants from Invader Zim, and white, pumped-up shoes from the 1990’s. He is quite the bad-ass elderly.  
Onboard the Novocain Nightmares is a man who goes by the name Jet Set. Jet Set sports a puffy orange vest, a bright pink t-shirt, neon blue tight pants, striped socks, countless colored bracelets, short brown hair, and large green-tinted glasses. He recently boarded the ship as a last minute addition because of his willingness to stare death in the face, as well as the occasional sarcastic remark.  
Together, the Novocain Nightmares would face many challenges in their quest to explore the fiery inferno of the formerly Killjoy territory. They will face Colossals, Coolers, and many of them shall not survive. Oh well, it’s sure to be quite the adventure.


	9. Along the Blue Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, these chapters get longer.
> 
> THIS ONE WAS REALLY SHORT THOUGH

The boat was sailing down a river of Blue Flame in the middle of the desert. Zaria approached Clown, who was piloting the ship. “So where are we going?” Clown looked behind to Zaria. “We’re going to this valley thing. I don’t know, I’m just going off of a list,” replied Clown.  
“Okie dokie then!” said Zaria.  
Meanwhile, towards the center of the ship, Jet was lying down in boredom. “I’m so irresponsibly bored,” said Jet, directed to no one. “Well then,” said Icy as he walked towards Jet, “maybe you should find something to do.” Jet stared at Icy for a moment. “Like what?” he said. Icy chuckled. “C’mon, I’ll show you a game me and Flame play a lot.”  
Jet followed Icy down into the lower decks into a room filled with books, maps, and a table with small figurines on what looked to be a map. Towards the back of the room was a chest with various costumes flowing out of it. “What…is this?” said Jet quite nervously. Suddenly, Flame jumped out of the chest with a costume on, one that resembles a tall, blonde elf in green armor. “Hello Jet!” she screamed, “Are you here to role-play with us?!”  
Jet, Icy, and Flame role-played for several hours. They went through the land of Sol, fighting many of imps and tigers, through forests and deserts and plains. Towards the end of their journey, they fought an evil wizard and saved the land of Sol. Of course, this entire ordeal was entirely fictional and did nothing to progress the Novocain Nightmares whatsoever.  
The Clown Princess sat atop his platform steering the ship through the Blue Flame below. He stared off into the winding blue river of pure heat, knowing not where he is really going or entirely sure why he was chosen to lead the expedition to nowhere. He continued thinking such philosophical thought and let out a slight chuckle. He continued staring into the distance.  
And with that, the Novocain Nightmares kept on sailing, finding ways to pass the time aboard the ship, growing bonds and acting as a family. They continued going on the winding river of Blue Flame, and eventually, they reached the valley.


	10. Thundah Thighs and the Tumblr Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just really wanted a character named Thundah Thighs

The Novocain Nightmares sailed until they reached a valley. The valley was oddly lush and green inside, aside from the Blue Flame Rivers leading into it. The slope was thankfully not very steep, for if it was it would surely be very “tragic.” Clown Princess called Zaria up to the platform. “Zaria,” said Clown, “go tell everyone we’re here.” “Okie dokie!” replied Zaria.  
The ship stopped at a small bank, and everyone got out. Icy tied down the boat as Clown put his foot on a rock and proclaimed in a loud, booming, voice, “We, the Novocain Nightmares, claim this valley for the Emokind territory!” What followed this proclamation was a brief moment of awkward silence, since there is presumably nobody left in the valley. “Well then,” said the Professor, “now that that’s over with, why don’t we explore the valley, eh?” Clown stared at the old man with the slightest bit of annoyance. “Yes,” he said, “let’s.”  
The crew split up into groups. Icy and Flame went to explore into the lush forest. Clown and Zaria went into a smaller forest, which seems to lead into a field. Jet and the Professor went into a stone area that seemed almost like a path, which lead into a thick forest, thicker than that of Icy’s and Flame’s, with the exception of the stone path.  
Icy and Flame walked into the lush forest. The trees were very vibrant green, almost as if they were neon trees. The trees had many bright flowers blooming from them, and the siblings were almost sure they saw a waterfall in this forest. While walking, Icy turned to his sister. “Hey, Sis,” he said. “Yeah?” she replied with excitement. “Don’t you think there’s something…odd about this valley? Like why there’s all these plants? It’s very weird. It’s not like the rest of the sea.” Flame stared at him for a moment. “Yeah,” she said, “I noticed that too. It’s all really pretty, though; Pretty odd.” The siblings kept this thought in their minds as they ventured further into the forest.  
Jet and the Professor walked down the weird stone path. It’s strange that it would appear in such an abandoned yet fruitful area. “Hey Professor,” started Jet, “why do you think there’s this stone path here?” The Professor looked at him for a moment. “You know,” he said, “I have no fucking clue.” “Huh,” said Jet in reply. “Where do you think it leads to?” questioned Jet. The Professor was about to respond, when the pair were approached by an old man who gave them their answer.   
Clown and Zaria walked through the field. “Hey, Clown,” said Zaria, “Where are we going? Like, when do we stop? When we reach the end of the river? When we find Cooler territory? When does this adventure end?” Clown thought about this for a moment. “I don’t really know,” he replied, “but, to quote our ancient teachings, Book of Linkin, Chapter 5, Line C, ‘I Tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter.’ So, it matters not where this adventure leads, or what becomes of us, but rather, what we do for our people.” “Huh,” thought Zaria, “that’s very profound.”  
Jet and the Professor looked at the strange old man greeting them. “Why hello there gentlemen,” he said, “What can I do you for?” The old man was short, with an incredibly large white beard. He had flowing white dread locks, and he was sporting orange-rimmed glasses. His eyes were a vibrant indigo, and he wore what seemed to be a yellow t-shirt. But the most distinguishable feature of this man was neither his beard nor his bright orange booty-shorts, but it was in fact his legs. His thighs were grossly huge, with veins popping out of the sides and his shorts being stretched to the absolute limits. His gross, wrinkled, muscular thighs were quickly explained.  
“I see you have noticed my well-defined features. Allow me to explain. My name is Thundah Thighs. I’ve lived in this valley as long as I can remember. My father left me here as a child, and he left me with one note, which read, ‘Only your thighs are important. Train them, for they will help you for the rest of your life.’ I followed these instructions to a tee, and over the years I developed these bad boys!” Thundah Thighs then proceeded to slap his legs.  
“Well, Thundah Thighs, my name is Jet Set, and this is my chaperone the Professor. We’re here with the Novocain Nightmares, a scouting legion from the Emokind territory. Um, how long did you say you’ve been down here?” Thundah Thighs stared at Jet for a while, after hearing such an odd statement. “Well, I got here around ’83, ’84-ish. Why, what year is it now? Shouldn’t it only be what, 2017? 2018?” The Professor stared at Thundah. “Sit down, sir. We’ll have to explain this very carefully.”  
Icy and Flame continued their trek through the forest. They walked through vines and briars, and they eventually came across a very odd looking tree. The tree in question had blue leaves, and what appeared to be a face inscribed in it. The two siblings stared at this peculiar tree for a moment. Suddenly, the tree sparked to life. “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN AT FUCKBOY?” shouted the tree towards the siblings, quite unexpectedly. Both teens screeched, even Icy. “WHAT THE HECK?” shouted Flame, “SINCE WHEN CAN TREES TALK?”   
The Tree stared at the teens. “Ah, allow me to explain myself. Mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. I am the Tree of Tumblr. You see, back in the day, Tumblr was a “website” used on the “internet.” People would “blog” on this “social media” site. I remember it from back in the day when it was all minerals and shipping, he-he. So, I’m the reincarnation of this website, grown into a tree form. I know every blog of every person. I also know all the memes and all the Fandoms. I bet I’m confusing you. Good. You should be confused.” Flame fainted.  
Clown and Zaria found nothing in their quest, and once the field reunited with the river, they decided to lie down for a moment and bond. However, they bonded by sharing philosophical thoughts regarding their own existence in the universe, and it was all quite depressing. However, this discussion of life was abruptly interrupted by an unforeseen issue. A lizard crawled out from the Blue Flame River and approached the pair. Clown quickly saw this as a threat and jumped up, while simultaneously pulling out his laser gun. He aimed the gun at the lizard and motioned for the now standing Zaria to stand back. The lizard, sensing danger, spat Blue Flame onto Clown’s leg. Clown suddenly out of shock shot the lizard. After seeing the lizard was dead, Clown began to roll on the ground in pain, for he now had a hole going through his leg.  
The Professor finished explaining to Thundah Thighs that he’d missed out on roughly 60-70 years of history, as well has an entire war that plunged the United States into anarchy, until separate Alliances were formed. The old man took a moment to process this information, before suddenly having a heart attack and dying. Jet and the Professor then buried the man outside his small hut. The duo then started to head back to the boat, when they heard a loud scream coming from the direction Clown was headed.  
After Flame awoke, Clown’s scream was heard in the distance. “Oh,” said the Tumblr Tree, “You should probably go to your friend. He, or She, is in quite some trouble. Oh you might also want to take this.” The tree dropped a robotic leg from its branches. “Now, honeys, don’t worry about how I know all this about you. I’m omniscient. Well, we’ll keep in touch. Now get going!”


	11. Robo-Clown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What even happened.

Within time, all of the Novocain Nightmares were surrounding the Clown Princess as the Professor was attaching the Robotic leg to the now amputated leader. The other members told their tales as the makeshift surgery was going down. The overall discussion consisted of a watered-down version of Chapter Nine, but with “Wow” and “Oh my” said in response to the tales.  
“Done,” said the Professor aloud to inform everyone that the surgery was complete. The Nightmares gathered around their leader to see his sweet new robotic leg. The Clown Princess moved his new leg around, and it worked just as a flesh leg would. “Sweet,” he said as he proceeded to stand up. “Well then,” said Icy from the crowd, “we should probably get going, shouldn’t we?”  
The Novocain Nightmares went aboard their ship and set sail, out of the valley and deeper into the wasted Killjoy territory. They resumed their typical pastimes, most of which were described in Chapter Eight, and nothing interesting happened throughout this boring ordeal. That is, until they passed by the Suit.  
On the right side of the ship, buried in the sand, was a robotic suit. The suit was of a green-ish tint, and is now overgrown. It resembled a mix between The Iron Giant and Gundam. “What the fuck?” mumbled Clown to himself as he started to pass by the suit. “Hold the phone.” Clown pulled over the boat and alerted the crew. Within a matter of minutes, the Novocain Nightmares were standing in front of a large, scorched, and abandoned Colossal.   
The Emokind team stared at the mech. “Huh,” said Jet to no one in particular, “must be a remnant from the war.” A moment of awkward silence proceeded. Suddenly, Flame perked up. “Hey, what’s that? Under the metal bit?” she question as she pointed to a burnt, rotting corpse in the suit. Clown approached the body and briefly examined it. “Whatever it is, it’s definitely dead,” he answered, “I can see a mask on it. It looks pretty Killjoy to me, but what’s a Killjoy doing in a Colossal mech? I thought those guys hated each other.” Zaria quickly answered Clown’s question. “Wait,” she said, “don’t you remember? The Way of the Killjoys, Loki or whatever, his brother’s teammate got got in a Colossal. He barely saved them, but the dude died. Professor, don’t you have a census book somewhere in the boat?”  
After briefly waiting, the Professor came back with a decently sized book. “Okay,” he said, “Killjoy, right? Do you know the name of the team?” Zaria thought for a second. “The Church of something I think.” The Professor flipped through some more pages. “Ah! Here we go! The Church of Elephants—these guys are history by now. Pretty sure they sparked the war with their deaths, from what little I overheard.” The Professor looked closer into the book. “Let’s see, there are the Angel of Malevolence, the Demonic Lawyer, the Candyman, Doctor D, and Lady Luck. My books a bit old, so it’s not exactly up-to-date, but based off these pictures, I’m pretty sure that this corpse,” he then pointed to the corpse, “is none other than Doctor D.”   
Jet then interjected. “Gee, thanks for the history lesson and all, but does this have any actual importance, or are we just staring at this artifact for kicks and giggles?” Clown turned to Jet. “I don’t know,” said Clown, “but now we kind of know where we are. We’re deep into Killjoy territory, standing above a city of cadavers.”   
The Novocain Nightmares returned to their ship, now somewhat haunted with the knowledge that their whole expedition is over hundreds of Killjoy carcasses.


	12. Meanwhile (Intermission One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, you thought the characters from chapters 1-8 were actually dead?

The Candyman awoke in a bright room. He was sitting on a couch, along with Mal Angel, Demon Law, Lady Luck, and Doctor D. “Where,” started to say Loki, as a man in a white suit walked into the room. “Why hello gentlemen and Lady,” said the man, “I hope you’ve had time to reunite. I’ll be seeing Doctor D first, since he was the first to go.”  
The Candyman then started to inquire to his teammates about where he was. “I think…” started Demon Law, “that we’re dead.” Candyman leaned back in his seat at the realization that he was dead. Suddenly, the man in the white suit re-entered the room. “Ah, so now I’ll be seeing Candyman, because you did in fact die of a heart attack before the blast.” Candyman stared at the man for a moment, now being confirmed of his demise, as well of the means of its occurrence.  
The Old Man sat down in a chair at a desk, and the man in the white suit sat across from him. “Now,” said the man, getting down to business, “I bet you’re in shock, and that you’re still coming to grips with your own mortality. Allow me to explain. You and your team were surrounded by Colossals, who then promptly rained laser beams upon your bus. Now that that’s out of the way, I understand you’re surely wondering who I am. You can call me Adam. Welcome to a plane of existence I like to call Judgment.”


	13. Lone Lyoko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See it's a running gag in the novel where a few chapters have the same title and the same opening and focus on the same character except not really.

Traversing the wasted desert was a being of Blue Flame who goes by the name, “The Lone Lyoko.” He once looked a lot like David Bowie from the movie Labyrinth, but as of late he’s been feeling a bit…blue. This being once had allies and a family, but he killed them all, or at least, he caused them to die. He now walks alone. Some could say he even resembled “Doctor Manhattan” from the 1980’s comic Watchmen. Lyoko didn’t do much in the Desert. He walked, filled with regret and spite. He was condemned to exile for his deeds. He caused the deaths of thousands, died in the process, went to Judgment, and was given exile. He’d lost track of the days at this point. He was truly alone.  
The Novocain Nightmares sailed down the Blue Flame River through the desert. The odd spots of lush, green forests from before seemed to no longer exist, and instead were replaced with boring plains of sand. It was truly the Sea of Sand, more so now than ever. Zaria paced the upper deck of the ship, for she had grown bored of her games. But out of the corner of her eye, she saw something in the distance, in the direction the ship was heading. It appeared to be a blue figure, walking around the sand. “Hey Clown! Do you see that blue guy over there?” called Zaria up to Clown. Clown strained his eyes a bit, but he could see the blue line in the distance. “Yeah,” he yelled back in reply. The Novocain Nightmares sailed closer to the figure.  
Lyoko perked up at what seemed to be a boat sailing towards him. He suddenly “burst” with excitement. He could finally be free of this wretched nightmare. Friends, people, interaction, he could finally be a person again. However, he forgot a key condition to his torment.  
The ship approached closer to Lyoko. Icy, Flame, and Jet cam up from the lower deck, still partially dressed in “cosplay” from their quite intense role-playing session. The Professor came out from his office. Flame, being quite excited at the thought of finding people in this pit of nothingness, ran to the bow of the ship and started waving at the figure. Lyoko saw the girl waving at him from a distance and grew very excited, for he now knew the mysterious crew was friendly. But his happiness did not last long. The ground began to shake, and crevices opened in the ground surrounding Lyoko, quickly filling with Blue Flame and killing any and all small mammals currently burrowing in the sand.  
The crew felt this sudden earthquake and Clown quickly diverted the ship’s direction away from Lyoko. However, the Blue Flame rapidly ran towards the ship, but thankfully stopped before it could cause any real damage. Flame, as well as the rest of the crew, suddenly felt quite sad, for they had just had all hope of finding life in the territory shot down. Lyoko saw the ship turn away from him and sighed in disappointment. He had forgotten about what happens when he becomes joyful, and so he walked further into the desert, away from the Novocain Nightmares and into an endless abyss, full of sadness and shame.  
The Novocain Nightmares continued along their course, further separated from all civilization, heading east until they reach an undetermined point. It was shortly after their encounter with Lyoko when the Bird was sighted.


	14. The Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Middle School Me (MSM) had no concept of how long chapters should be.

The Professor looked into the sky and saw a bird. It was a red bird, and stood out from the sky. “Hey guys,” said the Professor to Jet, Zaria, and Clown, who just happened to all be in the vicinity, “a bird.” The crewmates on deck saw the red shape in the sky. Out of nowhere, Zaria gave a whistle and the bird flew down onto her finger. The crew stared at her in amazement. “I had some free time,” she said in reply to their astonishment.   
After a good hour of intense discussion, the crew decided to use the bird to send a report back to the Way. “It’s settled,” said Clown, “we’ll use the bird to send a letter back to the way to say what’s gone down as of recent. We’ll make sure the letter says to send the bird back. Is that fine with everyone?” Everyone then nodded in agreement. Icy Stardust, having the best handwriting, wrote the letter, handed it to Zaria, who then tied it to the bird’s leg, and then gave it a whistle command to go back to Emokind territory.  
The Novocain Nightmares then continued along the river. Another intense session of role-playing went about below decks, resulting in the fictional death of both Jet’s and Icy’s characters, as well as the genocide of an entire race of frog people. Everything continued about as normal. And then, after roughly 3 weeks of uninteresting regularity, the bird returned.  
Zaria called the bird down with the same whistle she used before. The bird flew down, and Zaria opened the letter. “Oh no,” she whispered under her breath. She ran up and handed the letter to Clown. Seeing the letter, the blood ran from his face. “Oh fuck,” he said in response to seeing the letter’s contents.  
The crew gathered around Clown, who was getting ready to deliver the news. “So…” started Clown, “bad news from the Way. Colossals have declared war on the Emokind, the Emokind have fled back into the mountains. We’ve been given new orders…” Clown paused and looked back down at the letter. “We’re to go get help from the Coolers. We’ll keep heading east.”  
And so, the Novocain Nightmares continued east towards Cooler territory, although, everyone was now put into a saddened mood, for the fear that their people could face death. The bird left the ship, further travelling into the dusty abyss, until its eventual demise, probably from starvation, but such is the life in the Sea of Sand.


	15. Decisions (Intermission Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The intermissions were going to have one-word titles, see.
> 
> Did I mention I was really into Homestuck.

Adam showed the Candyman into a room. “Now this room,” said Adam “is full of all your right and wrong doings. Please note that it would take way too long to count each one by hand. So, we installed a computer to do it for us.” Adam then looked at a computer screen. “Let’s see here, your Right to Wrong ratio over the course of your life is…oh, would you look at that. Your ratio is 345:233. So, since you were mostly good in your life, you have a few options. Please, sit down.” Adam motion to a chair and Candyman sat down.  
“Option one,” said Adam, “is to become a ghost. Now, that’s not as bad as it sounds, since you can talk to other ghosts. Currently, on Earth, there are about 486,593 ghosts. Your second option is to live in Infinitium. Now, Infinitium is quite a weird place. You’ll still be immortal, but things like gravity will be reversed and whatnot. Your third option is to be bound to a mortal. Now, the benefit of this is that you’ll have a companion for their life, and you’ll “chill” with them until they die. Those are your three choices. If you want, you can go to Hell, but I personally don’t like torture. But, it’s your call. I’ll let you think for a minute.”  
Candyman thought for a moment. He decided on something bold. “I want to ask my teammates first. I want to set up something with them.” Adam considered this option. “Sure,” replied Adam, “I’ll give the talk to the rest of the Church and then you guys can talk about it. Ah, here they are now.” Each of the members entered the room, along with one clone of Adam per person.  
The Church of Elephants discussed the various afterlife possibilities. “Hey, Adam,” asked Mal, “can we change options? Like go to Infinitium for a while, then ghost for a bit, then be a spirit?” Adam thought about this. “Sure, I don’t see why not.” The Church made up their decision. “We’d like,” said Mal, representing the group, “to visit Infinitium for a while, then once we decide to, we’d like to be spirits.”   
“Ok,” replied Adam, “just sign here.” The Church of Elephants signed onto the pure white piece of paper, which then burst into light. “Bye,” said Adam. The Church then burst into light and was transported to Infinitium.


	16. Cooler Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess where they go based off the chapter title?
> 
> The tumblr memes are where I REALLY start to cringe.

The Novocain Nightmares sailed in uninteresting wastes until a particular point to the east and somewhat north. “Hey, Icy,” said Flame to her brother, “is it getting…cold to you?” Icy noticed this change in temperature. “Yeah,” he replied. Within moments, they realized they were finally in Cooler territory. The yellow sand turned to slightly blue sand once they crossed over the border. The blue sky turned gray and cloudy. Suddenly, the boat stopped. “Huh?” said Icy. “Why did we stop?” He looked up to the top deck to Clown. “We’re stuck,” called down Clown. Flame went to the edge of the ship and looked down, only to see the Blue Flame they’ve been riding on frozen beneath them.  
The Novocain Nightmares hopped off their ship into the cold, blue sand. “Burr…” said Zaria as she started to shiver. They started to walk further into the territory, hoping to see any sign of civilization in the cold waste. Along their trek they passed by frozen waterfalls, trees, and even a few animals that have been frozen in place. It was starkly different from the warm atmosphere of the rest of the desert.  
Eventually, though, after nearly freezing to death, the Novocain Nightmares found a town. As they walked through the former strip mall, they noticed they were being shunned by the Cooler inhabitants. They finally found a liquor store that had been converted to an inn. “Welcome,” said the inn owner, “how can I help you?” The Clown Princess spoke up. “Hi, we’re looking for somewhere to stay at least for the night. Can we stay here?” The inn owner looked at them. “Sure,” she said “one night is all you get before paying though.” The Nightmares started off to their room, but Jet turned back to the owner. “Excuse me Miss, also, um, do you know where the capital is? That’s where we’re headed.” The owner thought for a second. “Head a bit further north, along the road, and if you don’t have a coat, you should probably take the bus.” Jet thanked the lady and caught up with the rest of the Nightmares.  
The Novocain Nightmares only stayed in the inn for a night, and then the next day found the bus station. They waited there for an hour, when suddenly Flame saw the bus coming from over the horizon. “Hooray!” she shouted in glee, “The bus is finally here!” The Nightmares started to board the bus, when the driver asked in a depressed tone, “Where are you headed to?” Clown replied, “The Capital.” The bus driver stared at him for a second. “That’ll be 48 cards.” Clown stared at the fat man for a second. “Cards?” he asked, “Are cards money here? Can you just let us go there for free?” The driver started to chuckle. “I’ll give you the trip for free, if you can answer a simple science question.” The Nightmares, now all on the bus, looked at the man. “What question?” asked Flame. “What organelle,” asked the driver “is considered the powerhouse of the cell?”   
Icy felt a tingling in the back of his brain. This tingling whispered to him the word Mitochondria, and suddenly Icy knew. “Mitochondria,” he answered to the bus driver, “The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.” The portly man stared in amazement at Icy. “Very good,” he said, “you all can ride for free.”  
Once in their seats, Clown turned to Icy. “How did you know that?” he asked. Icy thought for a moment. “I think…” he started, “I think it was the Tumblr tree, the one me and Flame found in the valley.” The Nightmares thought about this new information. “So,” stated Jet, “you’re saying an old tree is helping you do whatever? Sweet.” The Nightmares sat in their seats on the bus until they reached the capital.


	17. A Duel with Rayzhaun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a decently sized chapter!
> 
> What fun!

The bus finally stopped at the capital of Cooler territory. What they arrived to was not at all what any of them were expecting. “What the actual fuck,” started Jet. What the Novocain Nightmares came upon wasn’t a factory, or a palace, or a strip mall, or even a town. The Capital of the Coolers was, in fact, a house. It was a simple, suburban home, complete with potted plants, shrubs, a nice walkway, windows, and a little chimney. The house was very unlike all of the other Capitals in the Sea of Sand, for it was not a military base, nor was it an extravagant mansion. It wasn’t until they entered the house did they realize what made this home a “Capital.”  
Clown led the group and opened the door. “Whoa,” was all he could say. The warmth was unlike anything else in the territory. The room was almost tropical in its temperature, in stark contrast to the frozen tundra of a desert outside. The Nightmares were greeted by a nice old lady, who held a tray of cookies. “Oh hello there,” said the nice, old lady, “are you Jeffery’s friends?”  
The lady led the Novocain Nightmares through the house until they reached a door. The door itself seemed very out of place from the rest of the house. The old lady soon explained. “My name is Gretchen, and I’m Jeffery’s mother. My little Jeffery became the Way of the Coolers not too long ago. He sometimes likes to be called Jay-Jay Quan, but he’ll always be my little Jeffery.” Gretchen then pointed to the grey, dark door with bright, colorful lights coming through it. “This is his room,” she said, “be careful—it’s quite a mess.”  
The team of Emokind entered the room, all of them at a loss for words. The room was quite small, for all that was in it was a flight of stairs leading to the basement. The hallway reeked of marijuana, among other drugs, and the walls were littered with inappropriate posters and various potted plants. Once down the stairs, the Nightmares saw various empty cans of alcohol sprawled about the floor, as well as several shirtless males and females all socializing, all of them with a red, plastic cup in hand. Most of them seemed to be irresponsibly high on a variety of drugs.  
In the center of the room, sitting upon a bright red chair, sat a man, presumably in his late twenties, with curly blonde hair, an annoying-looking face, white shutter shades, a partly-smoked cigarette in mouth, a black tank-top with the word “swag” on it in red lettering, khaki shorts, and white Nike Air Jordans ®. Since this man is the Way of the Coolers, just like how the Emokind preserved “Emo” culture, it would seem the Coolers preserved “Swag” culture.  
The man, through the slight hallucinations caused by his drug usage, noticed the strange people who’ve just entered his territory. “What do you want,” he said, quite rudely, to his visitors. “Um,” started Clown, “we’re here from the Emokind territory, we would like to have your support from the Coolers to help us defend against the Colossals, for they are invading our territory.” Jay-Jay stared at these freaks in his room. “Ha ha, that’s a joke, right?” The Nightmares awkwardly stood there for a second. “You’re not kidding, are you?” said Jay-Jay finally.   
The Nightmares then explained their situation again to the Way. “Well,” he said, “I don’t think I’m fully convinced. But, I’ll just cut to the chase. I’ll help you, if one of you defeats my man Rayzhuan in a duel. Do you accept?” The Nightmares thought about their situation. One of them would have to fight Rayzhuan, whoever that was. After a brief moment of discussion, they finally decided to accept the Way’s offer. “Alright, let’s fucking do THIS!” said Jay-Jay, quite excitedly.  
Jay-Jay showed the somewhat scared individuals into a back room, which somewhat unsurprisingly lead to a gladiator-style arena. “So,” said Jay-Jay, “which one of you is brave enough to take on Rayzhuan?” The Professor pushed aside his cohorts. “I got this,” he said confidently. He then climbed down a ladder into the pit. Jay-Jay moved to another chair above the arena. The rest of his followers, as well as the Nightmares, then filed into the chairs surrounding the hole in the ground. “Ladies and Gents,” announced a scantily-clad female waltzing around the pit, “Niggas and Bitches, it’s time for a duel to decide if we’re gonna help these Emo Punks.” The crowd roared, all except for the Nightmares. Meanwhile, upstairs, the concerned mother Gretchen put her hand to her head as she heard the announcement from her basement. “Not another one,” she muttered to herself in disappointment of her son’s actions.  
The Professor stared into the gate opposite him with some fear. He removed his overcoat and prepared for the worst. Unbeknownst to the Way, The Professor slipped a small knife from his coat pocket in preparation for his duel with Rayzhuan. Just as his coat dropped to the floor, the gate started to open, a loud growling was then heard from inside the small room. Jay-Jay then made the announcement, “Fight!”  
A loud roar came from the room. A large, steroid-abusing man burst through. The man appeared to be over eight feet tall, and his arms seemed to be roughly one foot in diameter. He wore jean-shorts that were ripped above the knees, a torn-up Nike® T-Shirt, overly large Nike ® Air Jordans ®. His teeth were either gold or yellowed, or a combination of both. He had long, flowing dreadlocks and a huge, fuzzy beard. He also was clearly holding a large, wooden pole, which had nails and barbed wire on one end. “Oh shit,” said The Professor in response to the hulking figure before him.  
Rayzhuan charged the Professor with drug-induced rage. The Professor narrowly dodged. Rayzhuan continued blindly charging the old man several times. He then started to swing his barbed bat around with no clear strategy, besides attempting to eventually hit the elderly man. The gargantuan beast then started wildly swinging the bat in every direction, nearly hitting the man. Yet, the Professor managed to dodge every hit directed at him. All throughout this ordeal, the crowd was cheering and jeering like wild animals.  
Rayzhuan then started to take big swings towards the Professor; only this time he was hitting the bat into the ground, as opposed to swinging it baseball-style. This maneuver ultimately spelled his downfall, as the bat eventually became lodged in the dirt floor of the arena. The Professor saw this as an opportunity to take the offense, and so he did. The old man clung to the behemoth’s arm and began to climb, using his knife almost as an ice pick, for lack of a better analogy. He then climbed to the head of the monstrosity, who was now wildly attempting to rip the man from his face. The Professor then went for the killing move, and promptly stuck the knife into the beast’s skull. The hulking freak crashed to the ground, in a pool of blood and vomit. Of course, now the Professor was blood-soaked, covered in his opponent’s smelly fluids.  
The arena quickly fell silent. Jay-Jay then stood up and started slowly clapping. “Well done,” he said, “you’ve bested one of my strongest men; major respect to you, bruh.” The arena was still filled with silence. “So,” said the Way, “in accordance with our deal, I’ll send an army back towards Killjoy territory, and possibly through Colossal territory, to help you defend your precious land. No strings attached. Now leave.” The Nightmares quickly left the weird place, back into the frost that awaited them. Jet then said what was on the rest of the group’s mind- “Now what?”


	18. The Infinitium (Intermission 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There goes that whole one-word title thing.

The Church appeared in the Infinitium. Oh, what a place that was. They started to survey their surroundings. “Oh sweet Jeeves,” said Mal in astonishment. The area in which the Church members appeared was quite odd. It appeared at first glance as a small, American suburb, with hills and nice houses. At a second look, you would notice the sky is green and occasionally purple. Down the street flew a car going completely backwards, and for a second it seemed the driver of said car was a skeleton. An old lady in the house across from where the Church was looked out her window, with her jaw separated from the right side of her face, dangling in plain view. One of the house’s lawns was a bright, vivid blue. Further down the street, a house was made entirely of chickens. A man made of pure gold waltzed down the street, before transforming his feet into wagon wheels.  
“Well then,” said Demon Law, “I think…I think this place is…a bit…” The members of the church took this opportunity to take turns completing Demon’s sentence. “Weird?” replied Lady Luck; “Odd?” replied Mal; “Strange?” replied the Candyman; “Bizarre?” replied Doctor D; “Messed up,” finished Demon Law, “I was going to say messed up.” The Church members all nodded in agreement.  
After they had finished nodding in agreement, a strange frog came up to the Church and greeted them. “Hello fresh corpses,” said the frog, “my name is Jiggleberry Dunkledump. I’ve decided to guide you through the magical world of the Infinitium!” It became apparent to the Church that this talking from was sporting a nice top hat and seemed to be made up of celestial bodies and other features of space. “Well,” said the Jiggleberry, “what are you waiting for? Let’s get weird! Onwards we go!” The Frog then stood up on two legs and pointed in a general direction down the street.  
The Church followed Jiggleberry for quite a while when he turned to them and asked, “So how’d you guys die?” The members of the Church all remembered that they’re dead. “Well,” said Mal, rather triumphantly and full of confidence, “we were surrounded by an enemy team in the middle of the desert, and they blasted us to smithereens!” Jiggleberry looked at him. “Oh I knew that,” said the frog, “I was just curious if you knew how you died. Would you like to see your corpses?” The Church mumbled and nodded in agreement, and Jiggleberry led them to another odd house in the neighborhood.  
The house seemed to be very different in comparison to the rest of the neighborhood. This house was black. It was completely pitch black, even its windows were stained black, and the interior seemed to have jet black furniture inside. “This is the death house,” said Jiggleberry while directing the Church to the eerie house, “it’s where you can see how you died, and where your body is now. Let’s take a look, shall we?”


	19. Joyful Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because her name is Joy.

The Novocain Nightmares walked along the frozen desert, until they finally found their ship, partially frozen and untouched. “Well,” said Clown, “Let’s head home.” The Nightmares boarded the ship uneventfully. Surprisingly, none of them slipped on the super obvious patch of ice and fell into the freezing water. They safely boarded and set off back into the seemingly endless series of rivers of Blue Flame. Help would be on the way to their peoples, and hopefully war casualties would be kept to a minimum.  
Along the river the crew continued with their typical pastimes, such as reading, philosophical thinking, and role-playing. Absolutely nothing interesting happened, except for when they saw the blue figure again in the distance. This time, Lyoko was sure to keep to himself and not get his hopes up. The crew made it about halfway through the Killjoy territory when they saw the green figures along the horizon.  
Clown looked at the ominous green figures quickly approaching the ship. “Oh fuck,” he said silently. Quickly, he ran down below the ship to warn the others. Within moments, the Novocain Nightmares stood on the upper deck of their ship, watching the metallic, green mechs fly towards them. Flame started to cry as she hugged her brother. The Professor knew his time had come. Zaria tried to keep the group hopeful. “I’m sure they’re not here for us,” she said, “We can take them if they are.” Oh how wrong she was.  
The green mechs finally caught up to the ship. Within seconds of the mech’s arrivals, the ship was surrounded, with the Nightmares defiantly standing before their executors. One of the mechs opened up, and a cyborg-looking woman stepped out. “Emokind trash,” she said, “you’re hereby under arrest by the Way of the Colossals, for attempting to help overthrow the Colossals, presumably due to the recent acquisition of former Emokind territory; Hands in the air, dick-bags.”  
As the rest of the Nightmares kneeled before the giant robotic suits, the Professor remained standing. “Hold it right there,” said the old man, “under what section, article, and line of the rule book do you credit to your decision?” The Colossal lady thought for a second. “Well old man,” she said, “in case you haven’t noticed, the rules have changed. We simply don’t need a rule book.” She then pulled out a laser gun and shot the Professor. The Professor screamed as the laser went through his stomach, and he promptly collapsed in a pool of his own blood. The other Nightmares cried as they watched their chaperone die.  
Several hours later, the Nightmares were thrown into a Colossal prison cell, in the center of the Colossal capital. Flame cried into her brother. The Clown Princess solemnly looked down. Jet perked up amongst the group. “Whelp,” he said, “we’re doomed.” The remaining Nightmares glanced towards the miscreant with a great “No-Shit-Sherlock” look on all of their faces.  
Yet another series of hours later, a tall woman came to the cell. The woman was tall, with short red hair. She wore baggy black sweat pants that were tight in the waist and an orange tank-top. “Why hello there, Novocain Nightmares, I’ve hear a lot about you from my good friend,” she then kneeled down and got closer to Clown’s face, “Jay-Jay Quan.” The Nightmares felt the sting of betrayal. “Of course,” said the lady as she stood back up, “The only reason you ever went to my dear friend Jay-Jay was because a little birdie told you.” The lady backed further off as the sudden revelation struck the Nightmares completely dumbfounded. “You…” started Clown, “…you planned this all from the beginning! Who are you?!” The lady began walking away from the cell. “My name’s Joy Grateful,” she said, “I’m the newest Way of the Colossals. It’s been a pleasure to meet you.”  
The Nightmares sat in the cell, scared and betrayed. All hope has been lost, for they were surely doomed to die, either by starvation in the cell or by public execution. And that’s exactly what happened.  
After another multitude of hours had passed, Joy returned to the cell. “Well now,” she said, “I do believe it is finally time to get this freak show on the road. Everybody out.” The door opened and several armed guards led the Novocain Nightmares to a relatively large hallway. The Nightmares obediently followed since they had no other option. The hallway eventually led to a large platform, placed in a large, metallic field, surrounded by a stadium of thousands of people. In the center of the platform sat a large metal box, with a glass wall on one side. Inside that box was a set of very sharp pieces of metal, all of which seemed to be coated in dark red.  
Joy stood on the platform with a microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she announced, “non-binary robots,” she continued, “I am pleased to present today, for your morbid viewing pleasure, the death of the Novocain Nightmares. This execution will pave the way for our conquest! We shall take the Emokind territory and rule the Sea of Sand! There is no threat in our path! No one can stop us!” The crowd roared with excitement. “Today, we defeat a team of Emokind, but tomorrow, we defeat all of the Emokind!”   
The crowd screamed to the heavens. Joy stepped down. The camera on the various screens around the stadium shifted focus from Joy Grateful to the threatening metal box on the platform. A guard poked Icy Stardust with a stick, and shoved him into the box. The crowd roared even louder, their cheers seemed to reach both Heaven and Hell. Joy Grateful flicked a switch, and Icy Stardust screamed in pain as his body was torn to shreds in the infernal contraption. His skin was torn off of his muscles, and his muscles were reduced to a pile of meat slowly falling off of his bones, and his bones began to crumble to dust. His blood splattered through the machine, and in mere seconds, Icy Stardust was reduced to a puddle of blood, slowly leaking out of a metal box, deep in Colossal territory.  
Flame screamed and bawled as she witnessed the gruesome demise of her brother. The guard saw this and, once Icy was nothing besides a puddle, threw Flame Stardust into the deadly machine. The child was then reduced to another pool of blood and meat within seconds. This process was repeated until not a single Nightmare was left. The crowd gave a final cheer, before being dismissed back into their homes. The blood of the Nightmares was sold as a novelty in the stadium gift store, and quickly sold out. The Novocain Nightmares were no more.


	20. The Fall of the Emokind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another fall!
> 
> What is this, Chapter 6?

A man dressed in all black stood in a room. He began to pace back and forth. This man’s name is Green Arms, and he is the Way of the Emokind. He continued his pacing for a while before looking out his window, which looked over his capital city. This city sat at the base of The Mountains, where it was cold enough to wear long, black overcoats and not get overly warm. The city itself was rather grand compared to the others throughout the Sea of Sand. It was a former bunker in the edge of the mountain, but has since expanded further into the plain at the base of said mountain. The city now consisted of many structures, and even had a marketplace and a few Emo-Catholic Churches.  
Emo-Catholics believe in one Punk God, known as Zero, and his son the Jesus of Suburbia. The entire basis of their religion is, in fact, the Green Day album “American Idiot.” The traditional Emo-Catholic outfit consists of black eyeliner, a dark grey tank-top, a dark black overcoat, black skinny jeans, black Vans, spiked black hair, and various tattoos. However, not all of the Emokind dress like this, only those who are Emo-Catholic.  
Green resumed his pacing. The reason behind this pacing was the new knowledge that the Colossals, a rival Alliance, were planning to invade the Emokind Territory. This troubled Green very much, since the Emokind were a traditionally very peaceful people and tried at all costs to avoid conflict. Because of this, Emokind defenses are generally very weak.  
A lowly grunt walked into Green’s chambers. “Sir,” started the Emo-Catholic grunt, “um, the uh, the Novocain Nightmares… y’know, the ones you sent to go explore that new Killjoy Territory? Well, they’re pretty dead.” Green stared at the grunt for a moment in slight horror, before calmly asking him, “Do you know how they died?” The grunt fumbled around in the pocket of his trench coat and shakily pulled out a VHS tape, labeled “Channel 7’s televised viewing of ‘The Fall of the Emokind.’”  
The tape, as was probably expected, contained television-quality video of the Novocain Nightmare’s execution, complete with Joy Grateful’s speech and even the after party that occurred shortly after the event. All in all, the tape could probably go for around 500 Cards in Cooler or Colossal Territory. As Green viewed the tape, he knew he had to prepare his people for the absolute worst disaster they have ever faced. He turned to the grunt and began to carefully explain his plan.  
“Grunt,” he said, “take notes.” The lowly grunt grabbed a pad and paper and began to record his Way’s decision. “Ok,” said Green, “we’re going to evacuate the closest cities into the mountains. Focus on preserving all culture and life. The further cities will prepare for the worst, but they are free to flee if they want. I will stay here and, if the city is captured, summon the One.”  
The Grunt felt that his leader was absolutely mad for even considering summoning the One. However, he continued recording this death wish of a plan. “If the Colossals breach the Mountains, we will flee to the ocean, where we will escape the Sea of Sand entirely. That is only a last resort, though. Who knows what terrors lurk past those vast waters. We will have our few defenses try to protect the borders at all costs, but I fear those brave soldiers will likely lose their lives. Do you have that all down, Grunt?” Grunt nodded. “Good,” replied Green, “spread the plan throughout the various mayors, captains, priests, and other leaders of the Emokind territory, but do not televise or broadcast it, for the Colossals may be watching. Now go, Grunt!” Grunt ran out of the room to the nearest bathroom, for he had just been given a task as large as the object now making residence in his undergarments.  
Green Arms went back to his nervous pacing, when another person entered his chambers. He turned to his door to see a somewhat averagely sized man with empty black hair that parted down the center. The man sported black, tight pants with red streaks down the sides, a long grey coat with a black sports coat underneath, and beneath that a faded Green Day T-Shirt. He had a thick, black beard and had soft, grey eyes. He seemed cheerful and kind as he spoke to Green. This is what he spoke. “Hello, Dear Green. I am the Holy Prophet Brendon. I am here to tell you the good news: The Jesus of Suburbia will be arriving soon!”


	21. The Jesus of Suburbia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I stole the title from Green Day.
> 
> Or, as Middle School Me would say, "I referenced Green Day."

The lowly Grunt who set out on his quest to warn everyone of the incoming doom actually found out, after bursting into an Emo-Catholic church, that he was the Holy Prophet Patrick, who’s duty was to alert the Emokind of the approaching tyranny of metal. The grunt felt honored to discover that he was the Holy Prophet Patrick. He left that church and continued on his quest.  
Meanwhile, the Holy Prophet Brendon had tea with Green Arms over the good news. Even though Green Arms wasn’t a firm believer in Emo-Catholicism, he was now after the Prophet confirmed that the Jesus of Suburbia would save the Emokind. Green Arms was convinced and, shortly after the Prophet left to spread the news, became a devout Emo-Catholic.  
The Holy Prophet Patrick, formerly the Lowly Grunt, was a short-ish man with brown hair and a patchy brown-and-orange beard. He now, since visiting the Emo-Catholic Church of Para, wears a black trench coat, a white Green Day T-Shirt, large grey pants, and black Vans. He continued to go from city to city, warning the Emokind People to flee to the mountains. Most of the Emokind, especially those who where strong followers of Emo-Catholicism, listened to his warning and quickly went west to the Mountains. He would continue to do this until he eventually had gone to every city and town and saved thousands of lives from the wrath of the Colossals.  
In a dark, Cooler prison sat the Holy Prophet Gerard. Gerard has blindingly white hair, with deep black eyeliner under his soulless black eyes. He wears a black overcoat buttoned at the top, a red Green Day T-Shirt, black-and-white striped pants, and large, high-topped black Vans. His hair, while blindingly white, also contained a few blood red streaks. He sat in this prison cell, chained to the wall next to a greasy, homeless hippie.  
While some subcultures, like Emo and Swag, were preserved and accepted throughout the Sea of Sand, some were downright rejected and outlawed, and all who identified with those subcultures were imprisoned and executed swiftly. Hippies, along with Jocks, Free-Runners, and Hipsters, were among the first to go, with a few to go later. Some subculture bans varied between each Territory, with a strong anti-Goth presence in Cooler Territory.  
Gerard started to fall asleep when the cell door slid open. A Cooler Thug broke Gerard’s chains with his bare hands, lifted the Prophet by his hands, and carried him to an uncertain room. “Where are you taking me now?” asked Gerard somewhat impolitely. The Thug grunted in response. Seeing as he wouldn’t get a clear answer, the Prophet just accepted his apparent fate.  
The once uncertain room happened to be the throne room of Prince Arin. You see, some of those who identify as Coolers don’t believe in their Way’s choices. Those who disagree with the Way usually form their own Teams, but sometimes they form their own Alliances. This is the case with The Principality of Arin. Since it is the only Principality in the Sea of Sand, it is commonly referred to only as the Principality.  
The Holy Prophet Gerard was tossed to the ground in front of Prince Arin’s throne. The Prince confidently looked down upon his captive. “So,” said Arin, “It seems as if you’re in quite the pickle here, Goth Scum.” Gerard looked at this fool. “As I have repeatedly told you,” explained Gerard, “I am not Goth. I am Emokind. In fact, I am Emo-Catholic. I am a Prophet of the Punk Lord.” Prince Arin laughed, as is traditional for Princes to do when their assumptions are questioned. “Goth, Emo, Punk. You’re all just trash.” Gerard looked up at the Prince and quickly retorted, “Yes, we are trash. But you’re even bigger trash then we are! You will regret the day you messed with the Emokind! The Jesus of Suburbia will save me.”   
Prince Arin nearly died of laughter from these threats. “Oh,” he said while gasping from laughter, “What will this, ‘Jesus of Suburbia’ do? Sing depressing songs to me? HA!” Prince Arin continued his mockery of an entire religion until a man burst through his door. Gerard smiled as he muttered under his breath, “He’s here.” Prince Arin stopped laughing.  
The Jesus of Suburbia was a bit taller than average size. He had somewhat black stubble and flowing black hair, some of which was spiked up. His eyes were dark grey with traces of red and white. He wore a plain, black long-sleeved T-Shirt with torn up black jeans. Beneath the tears of those jeans was an unexplained, bright red color. The Jesus of Suburbia was also barefoot, and wore no trench coat. The Jesus of Suburbia also had spiked bracelets and wore a red flannel shirt around his waist.  
The Jesus of Suburbia looked towards Prince Arin and continued walking confidently towards him. Once he got close, he stood and faced the Prince. The color quickly drained from Arin’s face. “I would suggest you let the Prophet go,” said the Jesus with a kind, smooth yet firm voice. The Prince snapped out of his fear and with quickly refilled with ego. “Why should I?” he replied to the Holy figure. The Jesus swiped the air in the direction of the Thug from before. By doing this, he caused the Thug to collapse to the floor in pain. “I would suggest,” repeated the Jesus, “That you let the Prophet go.”


	22. Reign of the Colossals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This reign lasts for like a few chapters.

In the town of Biblia, on the edge of Emokind Territory lived a girl who went by the name of Hayley. Although she was not aware of it yet, she was the Fourth Holy Prophet of the Jesus of Suburbia. Hayley lived alone in the town of Biblia, since her parents and the rest of the town fled for the Mountains. She checked on the goats and the cow and made breakfast and decided, for whatever reason to look over the horizon.  
What she saw over the horizon was an army of metal shapes headed towards her town. Hayley knew these metal shapes were dangerous and quickly fled back into her house. It is here where she detailed the process of the Colossals as they devastated her empty town.  
“Hello. My name is Hayley. I live in Biblia, Emokind Territory. As I am writing, Colossals are destroying my home. But I don’t care if you don’t. This journal may be my last words. I am sitting in my basement, looking though the little window near the top. I see metal feet hovering above the ground. I am scared, but I will try to be brave.  
“I just heard a loud explosion coming from down the road. I think it was my neighbor’s home. I now see fire coming from the house next to me. My home is empty. Everyone left for the mountains days ago. But even still, the Colossals burn down my home. I am truly disappointed. I am scared and sad. I am so sorry.  
“I think my roof just collapsed. I am now trapped in this little corner of my basement. I will try my best to keep describing the horrors before me. The Church down the street a bit is on fire. The Colossals are defiling my religion. They are burning the books and spray painting the remains. They think they can kill us, but they are wrong.  
“They have discovered me. I am hiding behind a wall, and I hear their hovering feet approaching me. May this be my final Prophecy; The Jesus of Suburbia lives and will save me. The One will rise.”  
The Colossals continued through the Emokind territory and through the Mountains. They enslaved the people and put many into hiding. The Sea of Sand plunged into a reign of Colossals. It is truly a dark time.  
Green Arms sat in his bunker beneath the Colossal Military Base above. He heard the metallic footsteps stomp on the floor. He began to cry. He was further than ever form the Summoning Platform he had intended to go to. He continued sitting hopelessly in the bunker, alone and without hope, hence him feeling hopeless.   
The Holy Prophet Brendon sat along the edge of the mountain. He stared at the horizon, and at the crumbling cities and the towers of smoke rising. He stared at the rising Colossal flags, and the metal figures moving along the horizon. He stared and stared and stared. Even though he saw all this terror and death, he remained faithful to the Jesus of Suburbia and knew he would save them.  
The Holy Prophet Patrick ran into a town that seemed to have already been attacked by the Colossals. He began searching the area for any survivors. In this ultimately fruitless quest, he discovered a broken sign which seemed to read, “Biblia.” Patrick resumed his searching of the town. Aside from many skeletons and a few puddles of nonspecific meat, Patrick found a little girl who had been crushed under a small wall. She seemed to be slightly burned. Patrick was about to see if she was okay when he noticed the huge indent in her skull. He then saw a piece of paper in her hand. He held his breath and reached for the paper in question. As he read it, his eyes widened and his mouth began to mouth the words “Oh my god.” He put the paper in his trench coat and ran.  
The Jesus of Suburbia and the Holy Prophet Gerard left the palace of Prince Arin. “So,” said Gerard to his savior, “Where are we going now?” The Jesus looked at his disciple. “We are going to free the Coolers,” replied the Jesus in a kind voice. Gerard looked at him funnily. “But,” he began to say, but then thought better of it to not question the divine, omniscient being.  
The pair walked into the Cooler city of #Y070$W@G, roughly translated as Hash-Tag You Only Live Once Swagger. Cooler language is very weird. The city of #Y070$W@G is basically a frozen-over, partially submerged in ice/sand American suburb. Its main attractions include a 7-Eleven, a Liquor store, a Hair Salon, an apartment complex, a few single-story houses, and a bombed Library. The city is also very supportive of the Way’s anti-Gothic ideals, so the Jesus and Prophet got the “evil eye” from many of people.  
The Jesus approached a man leaned against the ruined library who was currently, as said in the language of the Coolers, “Tripping Balls on some Molly.” The man looked up at the two elephants looking at him. “Yo,” he said, “How’s it going you crazy elephants?” Gerard glanced at the man and then glanced back at the Jesus. He continued this glancing for a little bit. While being oddly glanced at, the Jesus happily replied to the drugged man. “Why hello there!” said the Jesus, “I believe your name is Mark, correct?” Mark looked at the elephant that was slowly turning into a person. “Yeah…” said Mark, somewhat worried, “Can I help you?” The Jesus touched Mark’s forehead. Mark began to feel an odd sensation in his legs and his head. He stood up, and instantly his drug trip ended and he saw a vision.  
Mark saw his home, his town, the whole world burning. He watched his friends, his Way, his home all burn to the ground. He watched people burn, people he didn’t know, men, women, and children, everyone burning. As the vision ended, he saw the word “Titan.” The vision ended and Mark saw the world as normal. “Whoa,” he said, “Who the fuck is you?”  
The Jesus of Suburbia explained who he was. “So,” said “you’re one of those Emo freaks, right? Why the fuck should I join you?” Gerard was about to correct him for his rudeness when the Jesus solemnly yet peacefully replied, “If you do not convert to Emo-Catholicism and join us, you will cause and be in the Hellfire you just witnessed. I would highly recommend you join us, but it’s entirely your decision. But please note, if you join us you will be ridiculed by your peers and will have to leave. Now do you accept our proposition?” Mark thought for a second. “Sure,” he said unsurely, “what do I have to do?”  
The Holy Prophet Alex was pushed into a crowd of innocent Emokind people in the center of the city of Altia. He was pushed by a Colossal soldier, whose name wasn’t important. The entirety of the surviving population of Altia was now in the crowd, and they all looked up onto the wooden platform on the far end of the crowd. Atop this platform stood a tall lady, with short red hair, who wore baggy black sweat pants that were tight in the waist and an orange tank-top. She also now had more armor than before.  
“Hello Emokind!” she yelled, “You are now under the control of the Colossals! Hooray for you!” She awaited the applause of the crowd but only got bitter silence. “Well then,” she said, “I guess you’re not the most excited bunch. Here’s how it’s going to work.” She paused for a second. “You can either abandon your Emokind ways and join Colossal society wholly, or you can be labeled as a Damned and continue life relatively close to normal, except you’ll be subject to different treatment then the rest of the Colossals. It’s completely your choice. If you choose to be the Damned, go to the left. If you decide to be Colossal, go to the right.”  
The crowd remained completely still for a second, before dividing to either the left or the right. Alex solemnly went to the left, sealing his fate as a Damned and fulfilling the Prophecy. His duties will be completed. After a minute of shuffling, the majority of the crowd decided to convert to the Colossals. Joy Grateful went back onto the stage. “Well then,” she said, “Everyone will now be filed into the designated area by the guards. Have a wonderful day!”  
The Holy Prophet Patrick ran out of the Emokind Territory, into the former Killjoy Territory. He ran for miles, until he eventually saw the Jesus of Suburbia and the Holy Prophets Gerard and Mark in the distance. He began to approach the group somewhat curiously. Meanwhile, Gerard took a book out from his trench coat and turned to a chapter labeled, “The Holy Prophets of the Jesus of Suburbia.” He looked over this section in a very suspecting manner. Patrick approached the group. “Hello!” he said as he looked towards the Jesus, “I assume you are the Jesus of Suburbia?” The Jesus of Suburbia nodded yes. Suddenly, Mark interjected. “Who the fuck is you?” he questioned. Gerard turned to his companion. “Mark,” he explained, “this is the Holy Prophet Patrick.”  
The roof to Green Arm’s bunker collapsed, crushing his spirits along with his leg. Down from the ceiling entered Colossal Pilots, who quickly executed Green Arms. They knew a Damned when they saw one, and this man was most definitely a Damned. One of the Pilots looked at the object the Emo-Trash was holding. It appeared to be a necklace, with a red sigil on it. On the back of the charm was a location, specifically the local Cybernetic Parts Factory, formerly an Emo-Catholic Church. “Hey Frank,” said the idiotic grunt to his equally idiotic partner, “Want to see what this thing does?”  
Ray and Frank, the two Colossal grunts, went to the factory and into the basement. They eventually found a door labeled as follows:  
Danger!  
The One’s Summoning!  
Never Enter!  
Danger!  
The two idiots obviously went into the door.


	23. The One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, spooky title there, MSM.
> 
> Really clever naming, too.
> 
> Mad props.

The room contained a huge hole in the ground with a small line of caution tape around it. Ray looked at the sigil and it started to glow. As he held it closer to the hole, it glowed brighter. “Hey Frank,” said Ray in an idiotic voice, “I think we need to drop it down there.” Frank replied using a Cooler word adopted into Colossal culture: “Yolo.”  
Alex sat against the chain fence along the borders of “Camp Damned #37.” He wore a thin striped jumpsuit made of itchy cloth. He grew hungry and felt as if he was beginning to starve. He went to play with his hair out of boredom but remembered it had all been cut off. He then went to play with his beard but remembered that too had also been reduced to nothing more than stubble.   
Suddenly, the bells in the camp went off and interrupted Alex’s disappointment. From the building where the Colossal Military stayed came a woman dressed in white. She had black hair and a robotic arm. Her name is not important. She announced to the Damned, “Today’s winner of the Drawing is…” she paused as she reached into the metal bowl to pull out a slip of paper, “Alex! Come on Alex to claim your prize!” Alex knew he was bound to die in the building, so he unenthusiastically walked towards the door. He knew he would be forced to go anyways, so he decided not to resist.  
Once inside the building, Alex was bound by guards and thrown into a metal box. Before the box was activated, the Prophet received a vision. As he began to have his skin ripped off by thousands of tiny razor blades, he yelled so loud that the rest of the Damned could hear him, “The Jesus of Suburbia Lives! The One will Rise! Fight the Titan! Obey the One and Fight the Titan!” Alex collapsed into a pile of blood and loose meat within moments.  
At this point, the Emokind had completely fallen to the Colossals, except for those who retreated to the mountains. But even they were not safe. None had gone to the ocean, since it was decided to stay on the mountains. This ultimately proved to be their downfall.  
The ground began to shake. Ray and Frank stepped back as the hole grew and filled with red fire. Ray shouted as he watched his idiot friend fall into the hole. As he screamed he fell in after him. The entire building collapsed into the hole, along with all the people and cybernetic parts in it. The hole grew until it completely engulfed not only the factory, but the few buildings around it. The hole ceased growing, but continued to glow red, until the reddest of fire began to spew from it, and out came a giant beast. The beast was humanoid, roughly thirty feet tall and with arms ranging around 2 feet wide. He floated out of the hole, revealing that his feet ended in a tail. He was a being of pure red, with black streaks all around. He had huge yellow horns from his fiery head and an empty mouth. His eyes were made of black fire. He is the One.


	24. We Interrupt This Intermission (Intermission Four)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These fourth wall breaks are not consistent at all.
> 
> Why, MSM? 
> 
> Why?

Just as the Church of Elephants and their frog guide Jiggleberry were about to enter the Death House, an eagle swooped down in front of the door. “Jiggleberry!” shouted the bird, “The heck you think you doing!?” Jiggleberry cringed up and slowly turned around. “Dang it Bernie!” shouted the frog, “Always ruining my plans!” Bernie turned to the Church. “Please pardon my friend,” said Bernie, “He was trying to pull a prank on you that would have resulted in you bunch being disintegrated. Please, accept my apologies.” Before any of the Church’s members could respond to Bernie, the eagle, frog, and the rest of the Church blipped out of existence.  
In a blank void stood a man dressed in white. It was Adam. “Hello,” said Adam to nobody in particular, “I’m terribly sorry to interrupt this intermission.” And as quickly as he appeared, he slipped back out of existence. Meanwhile, The Church of Elephants was separated on Earth as ghosts. Most notably, Mal Angel’s ghost was assigned to The Holy Prophet Dexter.


	25. The Last Resort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a while, this was the end of Book One.
> 
> I wish I had stopped here.

The Jesus of Suburbia and his Holy Prophets Gerard, Mark, and Patrick formally founded the Disciples of the Jesus of Suburbia. Their goal was to find all the living Prophets and free the Emokind from the Colossals. As of the moment, the Disciples were in the middle of nowhere in formerly Emokind Territory surrounded mostly by dangerous Blue Flame. They were pretty sure they were heading in the direction of the Emokind territory. However, since there is almost nothing interesting in the former Emokind territory, they did nothing interesting for a few weeks except walking.  
The One flew over many Colossal cities, devastating and destroying everything in its path. All attempts at shooting down the One were futile and only made him stronger. After about a week of terror and destruction, Joy Grateful stood in a building whose roof was missing, along with most of the walls. She stared out from the weird partially crumbled wall down the hill towards the devastated town with the One flying above it.  
Joy called in an unimportant grunt. “Excuse me, Brandon, could you come in here?” Brandon came in rather nervously. “Yes ma’am?” he asked. “Brandon. I want you to deliver an order. Tell Alphonse to activate the Titan.” Brandon took a moment to process this task. “Oh-Okay…” he replied, and then he ran away to Alphonse, the Government-appointed Inventor.  
The Holy Prophet Dexter sat in his house in the middle of the desert towards the North of the formerly Killjoy Territory. He sipped some tea and began to read the newspaper. However, this newspaper was very, very outdated, and he’d already read it at least three times before. But, he had nothing better to do. Suddenly, a tap on the shoulder interrupted his peaceful morning. Dexter lived alone, so he thought the tap on the shoulder was rather odd. After a second tap, he turned around to see the ghost of a Killjoy man floating next to him. “Hello,” said the Killjoy ghost, “I believe I have been assigned to you. My name is the Malicious Angel. I am here to guide you on your journey. Um, let’s see here…” The Ghost looked at a piece of paper. “Ah, here we are! You are to find the Disciples of the Jesus of Suburbia and join them on their quest. They will arrive here shortly. By the way, you can call me Mal.” Dexter then, in the most expected way, fainted.  
The Disciples of the Jesus came to a lovely house in the middle of desert. The Jesus knocked on the lovely door of the lovely house. The door was opened by a recently-fainted Dexter. “Hello,” said Dexter, “Are you the Disciples of the Jesus?” After minutes of introduction and small talk, The Holy Prophet Dexter joined the Disciples of the Jesus on their journey.  
Alphonse, after speaking to Brandon, flipped a switch on his dashboard and launched the Titan. Once awakened, the Titan killed Alphonse, along with everyone else in the laboratory. The Titan is very homicidal, and immediately disregards all orders in favor of the order to kill everyone.

After weeks of travelling, the Disciples of the Jesus arrived to an Emokind town only to find it scorched to the ground. Several “Oh my gods” and “What happened” were shared, before the Disciples climbed over a hill towards the edge of the town to see, in the relatively close distance, a giant red-and-black beast fighting an equally giant robot killing machine shooting lasers out of its eyes. In utter horror, the Disciples stared at the fight, but the Jesus ran towards it. “Well,” said the ghost of Mal, “He’s gonna die.”  
At the last second, right before getting in the way of the epic battle unfolding, the Jesus of Suburbia changed. He transformed, as a last resort, into a pure being of red light, and nearly blinded the eyes of any of his onlookers. He charged into the two behemoths and disintegrated them. He burned them to the ground, before burning himself back to the ground. In a last burst of flame before the dust settled, the Jesus of Suburbia killed everyone around him. The Disciples felt their skin singe and burn off, and melted beneath the Holy Flame of their savior. Except for the prophets Dexter and Gerard, who were being protected by the ghost Mal and the rage and love of the Jesus of Suburbia.


	26. The Results (Intermission Five)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just to spell everything out for the reader.
> 
> Didn't want you to miss anything.

After the Jesus of Suburbia’s sacrifice, the Colossal Empire was reduced to a small, barricaded bunker in the northern lakes. The Emokind Territory was ravaged and pushed back to the mountains. The Cooler Territory also receded further east. The Sea of Sand was reduced to a flaming pit for a while, until the Red and Blue Flames cooled down. What was left was a hardened desert, with sand covering the ground yet again. After what seemed like 10 years, The Emokind left the mountains and claimed most of their land back. The Coolers decided to abandon the Sea and headed East, into the Toxic Wasteland. They are all presumed dead. However, the Emokind are not alone in the Sea; the suddenly deserted land was ripe for the return of the Killjoys.


	27. The Bulletproof Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention in a previous chapter, all of the Prophets are named after the lead singers of emo bands.
> 
> In case you didn't notice.

Tex Dex and G-Way drove their car through the Sea of Sand. Atop their car flew a flag which bore the symbol of the Killjoys. Behind their car drove a group of cars, each filled with Killjoys. Within moments, the first New Killjoy town was set up, a new Way was elected with G-Way, and within a few short months the Killjoys became an official Alliance again in the Sea of Sand.  
Besides the Killjoys, another force would soon enter the Sea of Sand, and eventually try to put the Killjoys out of the Sea. They would have many conflicts, and we should see many Teams formed, but for the purpose of the following chapters we will focus on the Bulletproof Futures.  
Leading the Bulletproof Futures is Ironic Utopia. Ironic Utopia is a dude with jet black hair, green skinny jeans, a loose grey tank-top, a red leather jacket, Converse® shoes, and heterochromia. One of his eyes was blue while the other was green. His jet black hair also had a blonde streak running down the back. He was clean shaven and used a Laser Pistol rather than a Laser Gun.  
Destroyer Deathly had tight, black skinny jeans on his relatively muscular legs. He had a bright yellow t-shirt with a grey jacket over top. He had blonde hair with a pink streak through it, and wore aviator-style sunglasses. He had a Laser Machine Gun, and wore black Vans®. Destroyer also had a reputation of shooting first and asking questions second.  
Red Light is the Jesus of Suburbia reincarnated. She is a little girl, only eleven. She had curly brown hair, dark olive skin, red eyes, a red t-shirt, a dark grey army jacket, blue jeans, and white boots. She had no need for a Laser Gun, being the reincarnation of the Jesus of Suburbia and all.  
Lazy Bones is a tall, skinny dude with black hair parted down the center. His hair had grey streaks through it, since he was relatively old. He wore a faded grey suit top, with a black duster. The duster had a skeleton stitched to the back in white cloth. He wore tall black boots and had a mask that, unsurprisingly, resembles a skull. Lazy Bones also had black sunglasses-goggles and used a typical Laser Gun.  
The Bulletproof Futures travelled in a relatively large Dune Buggy, which had a large Laser Turret mounted to the back. It was green tinted and had minor dents throughout. It was known as Shanks Redbeard, because it had neither a shank nor a red beard. Shanks also had a built in cassette player, which was nice.  
The Bulletproof Futures rode alongside G-Way and Tex Dex during the Great Return of the Killjoys. Because of this, they were higher up on the political scale than those who had joined the Killjoys after the deformation of many Emokind and Colossal teams. This is also ironic because the Way of the Killjoys, G-Way, and his assistant Tex Dex are both originally Emokind. In fact, they were the Holy Prophets Gerard and Dexter of the Jesus of Suburbia during his second life, the one where he saved the Emokind.  
Ironic woke up in Shanks and looked at his My Fricking Awesome Technology, or M-FAT for short. The time on the screen read 8:34. Ironic quickly woke up the other Futures. As a point of reference for the readers, it is now a few months after the Great Return, and the Killjoys by this point have separated back into teams. After a light breakfast, the Futures popped a Green Day cassette into the cassette player and drove for the Danger Zone.


	28. The Danger Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did I name the car?

Shanks drove up to a chain fence surrounding a deep valley. The valley, unlike the rest of the Sea, still had traces of Blue Flame in it. The Bulletproof Futures put on any goggles or gas masks they had and headed down into the Danger Zone.  
The Zone looks as if it was once very nice. There were many stains of green upon large wooden poles that were presumably once trees. The Futures carefully climbed down. “So,” asked Lazy once they were safely down, “What exactly are we doing here?” Ironic turned to explain. “We’re here to seek out the Tumblr Tree. According to legends, it is full of knowledge of the Old World. Who knows what we could do with that much knowledge.”  
The Futures headed down an extremely broken stone path only to find a wrecked house. The house appeared to have been burned down and collapsed. In front of what was once a house was a grave. Destroyer leaned over to the grave to see that it read “Thundah Thighs.” The Futures paid their respects and continued their search.  
They continued through the woods to find a lone tree standing amongst the green pillars. The tree seemed to have a face and had blue leaves. It also appeared to be sleeping. “Hello!” greeted Ironic, “Are you the Tumblr Tree?” The tree began to wake up. “I like your shoelaces,” stated the Tree to nobody in particular. Ironic looked at his M-FAT and read, “Thanks; I stole them from the president.” The Tumblr Tree paused for a second. “I don’t recognize you goats, and if you haven’t notice yet, my forest looks like shit. I’m not in the mood for making anymore friends, since my last few died. However, I will answer any questions you have.”  
Destroyer decided to ask the first question. “What is the meaning of life?” The other futures nodded in agreement at this bold question. The Tumblr Tree replied to this with, “42.” The Bulletproof futures pondered this for a moment, before their philosophical silence was interrupted by the Tree’s loud shriek of “Next!” Lazy went to the Tree and asked, “What were the Shipping Wars?” The Tree then gave an explanation of what “shipping” is and why teenagers debated about fictional character’s relationships. The Futures were confused at first, but eventually understood these important parts of ancient history. Red then asked the Tree, “What is a ‘Weaboo’?” The Tree gave a long sigh and then explained. “A Weaboo,” said the Tumblr Tree, “Is someone who is obsessed with the ancient country of Japan, and it’s popular culture, including eating things like rice and raw fish, as well as watching a television program known as ‘Anime.’” Red somewhat understood this, partially because she is partially omniscient. Ironic asked, after this, possibly the most important question: “What has happened to the land outside of the Sea of Sand? What has become of it?”


	29. The Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

The Tumblr Tree paused for a moment, and then began to speak. “After President John Blandon declared war on all the countries, those other countries retaliated rather softly. The United States was excommunicated from the rest of the world. With the U.S. out of the picture, a new legion was formed in the East, consisting of Russia, China, North Korea, Mongolia, Kazakhstan, and Uzbekistan. This new Federation posed a major threat to the rest of the world, so another alliance, the Union, was formed between the United Kingdom, Spain, France, Germany, the Scandinavian countries, Ireland, Poland, Greece, Italy, Ukraine, Romania, Turkey, Iceland, Denmark, and Canada. The two Alliances were at a standstill for years. Quickly, Australia and New Zealand cut themselves off, and peacefully live by themselves. Eventually, violence erupted between the Union and the Federation, launching the world into a World War.  
“The Federation seemed to have had the Union crushed during the first few years of the war, until a 3rd party intervened and helped the Union. This party was known as the Warriors, and consisted of Brazil, Peru, a newly reformed Cuba, Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, Argentina, Chile, India, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Iraq, Malaysia, Indonesia, Hawaii, and Thailand. The Warriors and the Union allied themselves and conquered the Federation, bringing about world peace. This new era was filled with education and economic reforms, as well as a unified world with the exception of the former U.S. and Australia.  
“However, ‘you can’t make an omelette without cracking a few eggs’ as they used to say. Canada was almost completely obliterated in the northern end, and Hawaii was entirely flooded and no longer exists. Many cities throughout the world are still in ruins, and have been, along with the people, entirely quarantined off from the rest of the unified world. So to summarize, most of the world is in a 2nd renaissance at the moment. That is until the Emokind got out.  
“As you may or may not be aware, a few Emokind fled the Sea of Sand after the attack of the Colossals. I assume that you’re caught up on your own recent history. Those Emokind fled west until they ended up in Australia. By going to the only other country not Unified, they re-opened Australia to the rest of the world. Now Australia, even though they were peaceful, being reopened to the world meant they ran the risk of colonization. While the other countries believed in Unification, Australia believed in independence. Thus, they armed themselves to the teeth and prepared for war.  
“The Unification shows no intent of colonizing Australia, but instead plans to blow it up. So, the rest of the world is about to…” The Tumblr tree stopped her monologue. “Whoops. The rest of the world is at war with Australia.” It paused again. “Whelp, now Australia is gone. It’s all done. So now, the rest of the world is at peace while the Sea of Sand is excommunicated. Have a nice day.” The Tree motioned for the Bulletproof Futures to leave, and so they did. They all silently climbed back up the valley and back onto Shanks, and then went back into the desert. “Man,” said Red, “The Outside world sounds like a really boring place.” The other Futures agreed, and Lazy Bones put a “blink-182” cassette into the cassette player.


	30. The Creeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the third story arc of the book.
> 
> I'm pretty sure I had four story arcs in the first PART of the book.

The Bulletproof Futures drove through the Sea for a while until they came across an abandoned Wal-Mart. The Wal-Mart looked rather odd for two reasons:  
1) It was completely alone in the middle of the desert  
2) It was painted entirely green  
The store also had a few motorcycles parked outside, all of which were some shade or tint of green. The Futures decided to cautiously go into the, seemingly no longer abandoned, green Wal-Mart.  
The interior of the store seemed mostly the same, with the exception of the huge wall of shelves blocking off a corner of the store. The food area also seemed ransacked, and the cash registers were no longer there. But besides those little details, it was exactly the same. It even had the little green man that’s in every Wal-Mart.  
The Futures approached the little green man with Laser Guns raised. The man looked up at them and began to hiss. He then scuttled away to behind the Customer Service counter. “What is this place?” asked Lazy Bones rhetorically. Not sensing that it was a rhetorical question, Destroyer replied, “It’s a Wal-Mart. Didn’t you see the sign?” This statement got Destroyer a collective sigh of agitation from the rest of the Futures. Destroyer smiled with glee.  
The Futures walked further into the store. Besides the green man in the front of the store, the Wal-Mart seemed completely empty. The Futures even started browsing whatever was left in the store. They got a bag of chips and a 2-Liter bottle of Cola. After resupplying Shanks with food and comforts, they went back into the store to see what else they could find. After going rather deep into the store, the loudspeaker came on. What was said in the loudspeaker sounded something along the lines of, “Hissssss Hisssssss. Hiiiiiisssssssssssss Hiss.” Suddenly, several muscular men wearing green spandex suits and green masks resembling a frowning face. The men also held various axes, machetes, and Laser Guns.  
One of the men hissed at the Futures. The Futures stayed completely silent out of shock. One of the men strutted beside Ironic and sniffed him. He muttered, while sniffing, “shishishishaa shisha shishish shisha,” before scuttling back to the rest of the group. After a brief moment of silence, Ironic asked the odd men, “Who are you guys?” This question received negative feedback from the green men, resulting in the further raising of their weapons and the whole group scuttling forward a few inches. However, one of the green men stood up tall and responded to the question.  
“We are the Creeps,” said the man, “a race of people cast out of the Sea of Sand and forced to live in this abandoned Wal-Mart. Over time, we have developed our own culture separate from that of the rest of the Sea. We fear that you may attack us. Do you plan to attack us?” The Futures stood silently again out of shock. Then, all at once, they denied any intentions of conquest towards the Creeps, in the format of “What-What?” and “We would never!” and the like. “Excellent!” exclaimed the Creep, “We bid you welcome!”  
The Bulletproof Futures feasted with the Creeps that night. Although the Futures remained friendly, they were all very disturbed by this culture. They ate Cosmic Brownies®, Fruit Roll-Ups®, and Red Baron® Pizza, and they drank Cola and Sparkling Grape Juice. Later they watched the Creep’s ceremonial dance, “The Dougie,” and they slept in sleeping bags atop the carpet floors. In the morning, the Futures bid the Creeps farewell, and set off back into the Sea of Sand.


	31. The Seed of Unity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, antagonists.
> 
> Wow, I can't wait for their characters to develop beyond just "they are evil."
> 
> Oh wait.

The Futures drove east until they eventually came across what seemed to be a hovering car with a white flag hung from the antenna. The car was completely white and seemed to have plastic instead of glass. They drove towards the hovering car. The hovering car saw the visitors approaching, so it landed and opened up. Shanks reached the car, and out from the car stepped three people all dressed in white. One was a bald man, one was a man with nicely combed brown hair, and one was a lady with short, evenly cut black hair.  
“Hello,” said the bald man. “Who the fucks are you guys?” asked Destroyer rather rudely. The man with the brown hair responded rather calmly. “We are ambassadors from the Unified World. We recently learned that the United States has reopened its borders by having communications with the former Australia. Is this correct?” Ironic then answered this question. “We aren’t the United States anymore, sorry. This is now the Sea of Sand. We don’t want any part in your Unified World. I would suggest you get lost.” The Ambassadors collectively cracked their knuckles. The bald Ambassador spoke up. “So we have to do this the hard way, then.”  
The bald man charged Ironic and tried to punch him, but was almost immediately shot down by Destroyer. The brown haired man unsheathed a white Laser Sword and charged for Red. Red’s eyes began to glow red as she used her occasional omnipotence to throw the man into the hover car. The remaining ambassador pulled out a white sphere, and then spoke. “This is a bomb that will blow up you heathens if I detonate it. Now I’ll ask again. Join, or die?” Lazy Bones quickly shot the lady before she had any time to actually detonate the bomb.  
The Futures climbed back onto Shanks and drove away from the Ambassadors of Unity. However, once they drove off, the bald ambassador stood back up, and then the brown haired one, and finally the lady. “I really don’t want to have to blow up this place again,” said the lady. The bald man then said, “Agreed. There’s just too much land to waste.” The brown haired man then spoke up. “At least, the seeds of unity have been planted. We will unify this wasteland with the rest of the world.” The Ambassadors climbed back into the Hover Car and drove further into the Sea of Sand.


	32. Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just read the last line of this.
> 
> Why, MSM? You didn't even realize that at the time.

The Bulletproof Futures drove in the Sea of Sand. One day, roughly a month or two after their encounter with the Ambassadors, they came across a metal dome in the ground. They pulled over Shanks and investigated. Ironic’s M-FAT read, “The dome is medium-sized, roughly a meter in diameter and had a valve on the top. It is made out of iron and is hollow.” Ironic put away the M-FAT as Destroyer began to shoot open the dome.  
Once the dome was open, it revealed a long tunnel with a ladder running down it. “Well,” asked Lazy, “should we go down it?” Red then said with the utmost seriousness, “Yes.” The group of Killjoys headed down the dark tunnel in the middle of the Sea.  
At the bottom of the tunnel was a large open room. The room was dark and a tad bit on the damp side and, most notably, it was completely empty. That is, except for the giant blast door with the number zero painted on it. “I think,” started Destroyer, “that we should go in the door.” The other futures nodded in agreement and headed to the door as it opened before them.  
Behind the door was a room just as big as the one preceding it, but this newer room had what seemed to be desks and, in the center, a giant beam of light pulsing back and forth. The beam also had smaller beams branching off from the central beam, doing a few loops, and crashing back into the central beam. Towards the back of the room also appeared to be several offices, one of which had its lights turned on. It also seemed to have music coming from it. The Futures decided to approach this room and completely disregard the beam of light, rationalizing that it’s probably not any of their business.  
Ironic opened the door to the office. Inside the room stood a man in his undergarments and a t-shirt, standing on a desk with a tie unsurprisingly tied around his head. He also had socks on, which is terribly unsafe when standing on a desk. The music that the Futures thought they heard had been confirmed, and it was in fact some form of alternative rock. The Futures would never find out that it was, in fact, “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit, a popular song from the 1990’s. The man appeared to have quite the beard, and his hair was rather messed up. He didn’t realize anyone had entered the room, presumably because of the large amount of alcohol he had been consuming.  
After a moment of awkward staring, Destroyer finally went up to the dancing man and poked him in his leg. The man was startled and turned around to the group of people assembled in his doorway. “Whoa,” said the man. He stepped down from the desk, and then stumbled to the floor. After a brief second of shock from the Futures, the man vomited on the floor. He then awoke about an hour later to see the group of people from before sitting in chairs, waiting for him to awaken impatiently. “Who the fucks are you herbs?” asked the man who appeared to be rather hung-over.  
After an introduction from each of the Killjoys, the man replied so elegantly, “Why the fucks are you in my lab?” This of course took the Futures by surprise, as they had not expected for this room to both 1) be a lab and 2) belong to this dork. Realizing their shock, the man quickly explained. “Nah,” he said, “I’m just fucking with you guys.” He, while saying this, did the wrist motion that usually is associated with the sound, “Psh.” He then continued with his story.   
“I was the janitor here before the whole company went bust. How long ago was that? 2034? 2035? I don’t know. When everyone left, I was pretty stoned at the time, so I didn’t really notice. Since then I’ve been experimenting with some new drugs and drinking a little bit. Why are you guys dressed so weirdly?” Ironic sat the man down and explained, “It’s probably the year 20-90 something now. How did you manage to stay alive so long?” The man sat in shock for a moment, before muttering, “Cool.” He then realized that he was asked a question and replied, “Um, I don’t really know. I kind of lost track of what drugs I was doing at some point, so maybe that had something to do with it?”   
The Futures, heard this ridiculous idea and collectively face-palmed before they started to get up to leave the lab. “Wait,” shouted the unnamed man, “could it have to do with that light thing? I may have touched it once or twice.” The Futures turned back to the man. “What did you say your name was?” asked Red. “Um, I think it’s Zero. At least that’s what it says on my bed.” Zero then took the Futures to his bedroom.


	33. The Punk God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to the decent chapter size, MSM?
> 
> You were doing so well.
> 
> Actually, not really.

The Killjoys walked into Zero’s “room.” It was a dark, damp room with a tube at the center. The tube was green glass, and appeared to have once been filled with some sort of liquid. Sure enough, on the glass was the word Zero. “Well,” started Red Light, “isn’t that odd…” Zero almost immediately asked, in a nervous voice, “What—what’s odd?” Ironic led Zero outside the Lab and to Shanks.  
Zero was first taken aback by the Sea of Sand surrounding his lab. He was then quickly nudged towards Shanks Redbeard. He sat down, and Red sat next to him. The little girl pulled out a black book, the Emo-Catholic Bible. She then read to him a passage about the Punk God, Zero. After a moment of silence, Zero said, “Whoa…I’m…God…”  
Zero began to glow green. His hair began to stick up in spikes. Each spike was a different color at the top, but it was all black at the bottom. Zero’s ears became pierced, his beard became nothing more than stubble, and his eyes became green. His clothes transformed. He now wore a Ramones T-shirt, a red flannel shirt, skinny jeans, Vans, and green-rimmed sunglasses. Zero ceased glowing for the most part, but he still had a faint green glow. After transforming into the Punk God, Zero almost immediately vanished, for he was still banished from Earth.*  
*see the Emo-Catholic Bible, Book of Silth Chapter 3 Verse 4  
The Bulletproof Futures all seemed in shock, with the exception of Red Lights. Red was actually overjoyed. “Oh…My…Gosh…My Father…” she started to cry tears of joy. After recovering from seeing God for a moment, the Killjoys filed back into Shanks and began to head back into the Sea.  
Zero traveled to a dimension known as Nirvana, also known as Heaven. He would watch over his children from there. He waited up there in tranquility until he was needed again. He feared that Silth, the Angel that betrayed him, would rise again from the pits of Hel. He would be needed again only then.


	34. Join or Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because that phrase was used during the American Revolution.

The Bulletproof Futures pulled up to the city of Kincet, somewhere in the Eastern part of the Killjoy Territory. Kincet was known for its hospitality towards strangers. It was also located along a large body of water, so it was also known for seafood. The Futures decided it would be nice to relax a bit after all that had happened recently.  
When Shanks pulled up to the city, it was completely deserted. “Well,” said Ironic, “This is very strange.” The Killjoys walked into the abandoned city to find everyone had simply vanished. No sign of any struggle, no destruction, no Laser burns. It was very ominous. The food had also gone missing. After a solid hour of searching, the Futures found that the city was completely and entirely empty.  
The Futures left the city since there was nothing there for them. However, as they climbed back into Shanks, they saw the cause behind the city’s abandonment. A large white dome grew around the city until it encapsulated it almost entirely. Then, a loud explosion was heard from inside the dome. The dome then disintegrated, revealing the flattened land that was once the Killjoy city of Kincet.   
The Futures all stared at the newly flattened land with their mouths open. “Hey,” started Lazy Bones to no one in particular, “you don’t think that that dome was because of those Ambassador guys, do you?” The Killjoys all suddenly realized that Lazy was completely correct.  
The group of Killjoys drove to the city of Tombadilho; a city located slightly more north than Kincet. Tombadilho was well known for its industries, particularly being one of the major producers of M-FAT devices. Shanks pulled up to the city to find that it was not completely empty; rather it was in the process of being evacuated.  
“Let’s go, let’s go,” shouted a man dressed in white. The man was standing on top of a random crate to a group of clearly saddened people who were shuffling towards what seemed to be an airplane. The Futures saw this and quickly ran away before they were seen by what was clearly the Bald Ambassador from before. They accidentally rushed into another group of people assembling beneath what appeared to be a stage.  
Atop the stage stood the Female Ambassador from before, this time shouting into a megaphone towards a group of more defiant looking individuals. These individuals, as with the previous group, didn’t appear to be Killjoys, but rather regular townspeople. The Ambassador repeated the speech in which she was giving to the people. “So, as I said before; you have two options. The first is to join the Unified World by leaving this shithole and climbing onto that plane over there.” She pointed to the plane. “The other option is to stay here and get blasted to bits. So, will you join, or die? If you choose to join, please file into the plane. If not, just stay in your homes.” The group of people then filed out.  
But before they completely left, the Bulletproof fired their Laser Guns into the Female Ambassador. The Ambassador, expectantly, fell on the stage. The group of people, rather unexpectedly, ran towards the plane, as opposed to towards the Killjoys. Destroyer stopped one of them. “Why are you running? We saved you!” The man he stopped turned around and said, “No thanks, I’d rather not be associated with you. You’re really going to make them mad.” The man then ran back to the rest of the crowd.  
The Female Ambassador stood back up. “Little degenerates,” she mumbled, before whipping out a white Laser Gun and began shooting at the Killjoys. The Killjoys ran before any of them could be shot. However, they didn’t all run in the same direction; Ironic and Red ran to the right of the Ambassador, and Destroyer and Lazy ran to the left. This caused substantial chaos.   
The Killjoys ran through the streets of Tombadilho before eventually reaching a central fountain area relatively far from the Ambassadors. “We need to skedaddle,” said Ironic Utopia. Just as he said this, the Futures were surrounded by people in white. Some of them looked less like Ambassadors and more like Soldiers. From the crowd of white stepped the brown-haired Ambassador.   
He began speaking to the Futures. “Why hello there Killjoys; lovely day for an invasion, isn’t it? Well, you don’t have to answer that. On behalf of the Queen, and the rest of the Unified World, we hereby declare War on everyone in the land known as “The Sea of Sand.” All inhabitants have the option to be unified with the rest of the world. Their other option, however…well, you’ve heard this spiel before. Since you have already declined Unity…” Destroyer shot down the Ambassador. The Ambassador stood back up. “Little bit of news from the rest of the world—mortality is a lie. We’ve discovered how to not die. Now that is a useful skill to use in war.” The Soldiers surrounding the Futures then shot down the group of Killjoys.


	35. The Battle of Tombadilho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm fairly sure it's Portuguese for something, I don't remember what, though.

However, Red Light did not fall with the rest of her Team. Instead, her eyes glowed red and seemed to have flame come off of them. The Soldiers and Ambassadors were dumbfounded. “Allow me to introduce myself,” said Red Light. “I am the reincarnation of the Jesus of Suburbia; the child of a Punk God sent to Earth to protect those who are pure of heart. You just killed my friends; I shall return the favor.” Within seconds, all of the Soldiers and Ambassadors burst into flame. Their skin melted and they were reduced to crispy piles of bone and flesh. Red then mumbled to herself, “Not so immortal now, are you?” She giggled and went to the Plane to free the citizens and explain the situation.  
One of the Ambassador’s watches turned on. It read, “Now sending coordinates…” Unbeknownst to Red, the watch was transmitting to the Army of the Unified World that assistance was requested in America. The Army swiftly responded by sending many armed vehicles across the ocean for America. Being partially omniscient, Red knew that this force was coming for the city of Tombadilho in particular. So, she warned the Way of the Killjoys, G-Way, of the incoming invasion. She did this via telepathy.  
Within minutes, Killjoys from all over the Sea stood in defense in the City of Tombadilho. A brief minute afterwards, an army of people dressed in white stood just outside the city with Laser Guns raised. The city was in a standstill. That is, until the White Army opened fire upon the town. The Killjoys quickly shot back. For the next few minutes, Lasers rained down on both forces. Eventually, bombs were dropped, buildings crumbled, cries of agony went out, but most importantly the White Army was defeated.  
Scrambled all over the city were bodies formerly belonging to Killjoys and Soldiers alike. Buildings crushed people to death, Lasers burned any remaining walls, and fire burned whatever was left. The remaining Killjoys regroup just outside the city. Amongst them were Red Light, G-Way, and the Ghost of Mal Angel who had now made himself visible to the other Killjoys. Through a brief meeting, the Killjoys decided the best course of action would be to send a group of people to the Toxic Wasteland to look for more supporters for the War. However, very few Killjoys would dare be a part of this group. They realized they would have to gain support from the other Alliances if this plan were to succeed. The meeting ended and the Killjoys went across the desert to find a group totaling seven people to travel to the Toxic Wasteland to find support for what has been named the American Revolution. For once in at least ninety years, the United States would be united once again.


	36. An Author's Note (Intermission Six)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST END IT HERE, MSM?

So I had originally planned to end the book here and make it a series. However, it turns out this book is too short. So, please take a break if you haven’t already—grab some tea, take a nap, conquer Europe, whatever floats your boat. When you’re ready, please enjoy the second part of my book.


	37. The New Elite Gods and Godesses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what happens from this point on.

G-Way rode on a motorcycle in the middle of the Sea of Sand. He was riding to the Emokind town of Kansas. The town was surprisingly not named because the founders actually cared about Kansas, but because it was where two characters, Sam and Dean Winchester, were born. Sam and Dean were from the television series Supernatural. The show was very popular amongst Fangirls and Emos of the time, so the tradition carried on.  
G-Way’s motorcycle was actually very special. He found it in an abandoned gas station when the Killjoys hid in the South. It was a traditional Chopper-style motorcycle. It had a yellow base color, with pink streaks throughout. The seat was blue leather, and the handles of the bike were burgundy. The bike also had a white spider on each side. It is also worth mentioning that the paint was very faded and the bike had a fair amount of sand and dirt on it. However, G-Way loved his bike, and even gave it a name: The Most Fabulous Killjoy.  
The town of Kansas was on the border of Emokind and Killjoy territory. The town consisted of an apartment building that was missing its top two floors, a Starbucks with a huge hole in the side, a Blockbuster Video Store that had been abandoned for nearly a century, and what was once a McDonalds. All that remained of the McDonalds was the pole, and the words on the sign bit read, “Welcum to Kansas; Home of the Wincesters.” There was also a road leading through the city.  
G-Way drove up to the Starbucks and walked in. Shockingly, the store was still being used as a Starbucks; they still served coffee, a hipster sat in the back on his Windows 10 computer, basic white girls took self-portraits. The entire ecosystem was preserved after all these years. The Starbucks attracted not only Emokind, but also any others who wandered through the desert, like G-Way.  
G-Way walked into the coffee shop and saw a man he immediately wanted on this Team of explorers being arranged. The man he saw sat at a booth. He had a mint tea in his Doctor Who mug. The man was also clean shaven, had short hair, and while approaching him G-Way realized this man was no man at all. The boy turned to the odd-looking man and invited him to sit down. G-Way then asked who the boy was.  
The boy’s name was Trash Homestuck. He explained that his name was derived from the term “Homestuck Trash,” used to describe those obsessed with the ancient tale of Homestuck. He also explained that it would take too long to explain Homestuck and he carried on with his story. Trash was born to the Mad Shipper, an insane woman. He explained he traveled further south into Emokind territory to escape his family. Unbeknownst to him, the boy came from a lineage that would lead to The Huss, the writer of Homestuck.  
Trash looked to be between 17- and 18-years-old. His hair was shaved on one side and parted towards the other. He had blue-grey eyes, and seemed to have a slight scar on his left eye. He wore a black Harry Potter T-Shirt, which was another popular series from ancient history. He wore grey sweatpants that seemed to have some sort of military mark on them, which he explained that it was from something called “Attack on Titan.” He wore Space Converses, which were Converse-style shoes that had the image of space on them. He also wore glasses.  
G-Way then posed the question to Trash; “Would you like to be part of a secret organization to help prevent the invasion of the entire Sea of Sand. This organization will consist of seven people. These people will be known as the Elite Gods and Goddesses, the name of a Killjoy Team who gave their life trying to defend a device that destroyed the entire Killjoy territory. This team will head into the Toxic Wastelands to find any life and gather support for this upcoming war with the rest of the world known as The American Revolution.” Trash stared for a second. “Sure,” he responded, “I got nothing better to do.”  
Red Light sat in a Buggy with another Killjoy. This Killjoy was the Angel of Malevolence. After being dead for a while, Mal asked to be himself again in order to actually help the Killjoys. His wish was granted and here he was. The car was playing a Red Hot Chili Peppers mixtape per the request of Mal. The duo drove for a Killjoy town that was known as the Pirate Bay. The town was neither near any bays nor pirates and was located in the center of an empty field. The town was in fact just a convention center.  
Mal pulled the buggy up to the Pirate Bay. “Whelp,” he said, “I guess we’re here. Who exactly is it that we’re looking for?”  
“Someone who will help us,” replied Red.  
Mal shrugged and accepted this ambiguous answer. The duo walked into the convention center.  
Although civilization ended nearly a century ago, Comic-Con was still going on. This comic con in particular was from the year 2027. This was not necessarily the year that the bombs were dropped; it’s just the most recent Comic-Con at this location. The Con was still in full swing, with vendors and cosplayers still buying and selling various comic books, memorabilia, and replicas.  
Mal and Red split up in the convention center and began to search for a good person to join the Elite Gods and Goddesses. Eventually, they found a woman browsing through some Justice League comic books. The woman looked to be about twenty or so. However, details such as her hair color, how she looked, eye color, etc cetera, were all hidden beneath a suit of Iron Man armor. The armor itself resembled the Cinematic Universe Iron Man as opposed to the Comic Book Universe Iron Man. Explaining the differences between these things would probably take too long.  
The Female Iron Man turned towards the duo of Killjoys as they approached her. “Can I help you?” she asked. Red Eyes gave her the same spiel that G-Way did to Trash Homestuck. At first Fem! Iron Man was a bit confused. After some persuasion and further explanation, she agreed to join the Elites on one condition; they would go to the Colossals to make her a working Iron Man suit.  
Another Killjoy drove through the Sea. This Killjoy went by the name of Genderless Stereotype. Genderless was, as you may have expected, without a gender. They had long wavy white hair, blue eyes, a blue Mega Man T-Shirt, a red flannel shirt, a black skirt with white stars, high-top Converse shoes, and a bit of makeup. They also tended to shift between pronouns, but “they” is a nice default thing to be called. Right now she prefers “her.”  
Genderless rode on a motorcycle like G-Way did, except her motorcycle was more futuristic than G’s. The bike was dark red all throughout, and resembled a motorcycle from the movie Tron. It had two black wheels with thick tires and went incredibly fast. It had a small front window and a few storage compartments hidden on the sides. Those compartments were filled with a variety of make-ups, Laser Guns, clothes, tools, and food. The bike was known as Akira.  
Genderless drove into a town known as Sea-Port Land, or Seaportland. It was one of the few Killjoy towns to lie along water. However, sea-towns had become risky business since the World began its invasion. A few remained, but most surely would not survive the American Revolution. Among Seaportland were Mexico City, Beach City, and Saint Jimmy. The latter was more of historical use than of actual city use, but that’s beside the point. Seaportland consisted of a main road, two or three side roads, a harbor, a few small businesses, and a remarkably large crater which has now been turned into a popular hang-out spot amongst the town’s rebellious youth.  
The Crater was just on the border of Seaportland on the side closest to the shore. It had a relatively average slope, not too steep but not too gradual. In it were various teenagers, performing acts of sex, violence, and drugs. None of them are worth going into detail about except one leaning along the edge.  
The Teen along the Edge was holding a bottle of beer. He had aviator-style sunglasses, a 1950’s-style leather jacket, a white T-Shirt with a purple  on it. His hair was short and slicked back, and it had a small grey streak running through it. The Teen also had black skinny jeans and a pair of Vans. Genderless went down to talk to the Teen.  
“Why hello!” said Genderless to the Cool Teen. The Teen glanced over and said, “’sup?” Genderless then gave the Teen the same spiel her Killjoy compatriots gave to their new recruits. After hearing this task, Teen took another sip from his beer. “Only one problem,” he said.  
“What is it?” replied Genderless.  
“I’m a Colossal.”  
Genderless pondered this confession for a moment. A few times she tried to suggest something, but ultimately failed to say any words. Then, she regrouped and elegantly said, “I will assume that, since there is relative peace between the Killjoys and Colossals, it would be okay for you to join the Elites. Besides, we could use a Colossal as an ally for once.” Cool Teen, which was his actual name, smiled and agreed to be a part of the Elite Gods and Goddesses.  
After the Elite Gods and Goddesses totaled seven people, they decided to rendezvous in the Killjoy city of Almond. Almond was located towards the center of the Territory, and was one of the few cities to actually have accomplishments. Almond was a huge music and arts area, and had one of the largest populations in the Sea. It had a self-sustaining economy, and received general satisfaction from its citizens. It was an actual city.  
The Seven Elites sat at a coffee shop near the center of Almond. They were all silent for a solid fifteen minutes before G-Way broke the silence. “So,” he said, “I assume you all know why we’re here?” The Elites nodded in agreement. “So let’s see…” said G, “A fanboy, a God, a corpse, a Killjoy, a robot, a Prophet, and a greaser. What could go wrong?” After finishing their warm beverages, the Elite Gods and Goddesses set out for the Toxic Wasteland.


	38. A GH0$T0WN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the time of writing, the video game Call of Duty: Ghosts had just been released.
> 
> It was not well-received.

The Seven Elite Gods and Goddesses, or the Seven Elites as they’re abbreviated as, travelled east in a caravan. It was led by G-Way and his Most Fabulous Killjoy, followed by Genderless and his Akira. I feel it is worth mentioning that before the Seven Elites left Almond, Genderless transitioned to a more masculine outfit. He now wore his hair shaved around the edges but still thick on the top. He also now wore black jeans with white stars as opposed to a skirt. And, as you probably have noticed, he switched to a masculine pronoun.  
Behind Akira was Red and Mal’s buggy. In the front two seats sat Red Light and Malicious Angel. Stuffed in the back were Cool Teen and Trash Homestuck. At the very end of the caravan was the Female Iron Man, or the Iron Maid as she is now called, flying in her now fully functional Iron Man suit of armor.  
After a solid week of travel, the Seven Elites finally reached Cooler Territory. The path which they decided to take would have them take the shortest possible route through the Territory; through the G0$T0WN. The G0$T0WN is a Cooler town that seems completely deserted. It’s located on an area known as the “Swag Stretch,” which is a narrow section of the Territory that leads directly to the Eastern Mountains.  
The Seven Elites pulled into the G0$T0WN. “Okay,” said Trash, “We have to check this place out.” The Elites began looking around town. The town consisted of a few broken down houses. The houses also appeared to be frozen over, and most of their doors were sealed shut. Cool Teen called for the rest of the group. “Hey guys!” he yelled, “I think someone’s in this one!”  
The Elites crowded around the house. Sure enough, faint light seemed to come from the lower window. However, the window was sealed shut and shrouded by a layer of some orange particle. “I got this,” said Iron Maid as she motioned for everyone to step back. She then shot a rocket into the door, causing not only the ice to melt but also the door to disintegrate.  
The interior of the house was completely dead. The color faded from all the photographs, trash cluttered the floors. The only light in the building was from the television on the right side of the house. As the Elites tiptoed into the house, a loud belch emitted from the direction of the television. Suddenly, a head peaked around a chair that was in front of the television. The head also had a neck attached to it, but at the moment the neck was essentially the same as the head. “’sup?” asked the head, before releasing another belch. The head then turned back to the TV. It then shouted back towards the Elites, “You can come in you know!” The Elites then awkwardly shuffled towards the head.  
Once they got closer, the situation seemed to make more sense. The head was actually a very, very obese man who goes by the name of Max, who has been playing the video game “Call of Duty: GHOST 3.” The game, according to Max, became so popular that a bunch of people just ignored the bombs. In fact, most of the other people in GH0$T0WN were still alive, and were just playing “Call of Duty: GHOST 3” with Max. Max sat in a large red chair. Or at least the Elites thought it was red; it was covered not only in 600 lbs. of man, but also several emptied cans of Red Bull, countless bags of Cheetos (the orange particle all over the windows) and a large, dirty blanket.   
“Well,” said Genderless rather awkwardly, “I think we’d best be leaving.” Max grunted. “See you later!” shouted Cool as he waltzed out the door.  
Max grunted again.  
The Seven Elites climbed back into their vehicles and left behind the odd town. A little ways away from GH0$T0WN, Cool Teen leaned down from his back seat and asked Mal, “Are all the places we’re going to gonna suck?” Mal laughed and replied, “I sure hope not, kid.”


	39. The Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I was reading the Lord of the Rings, and I started to try slowing the pace.
> 
> I may have failed a bit.

The Seven Elites, after a few more days of travel, finally reached the base of The Eastern Mountains. Over the past centuries, due to erosion and frequent bombings, the Eastern Mountains have become much steeper and much taller than they were originally. They have also become more treacherous.  
As the Seven Elites stared up into the Mountains, they realized a major problem. “I can’t take the Most Fabulous Killjoy…” said G-Way as he stared at the Mountains hopelessly. “Akira doesn’t have any method of flying…” said Genderless as he also stared hopelessly at the Mountains. “My suit isn’t strong enough to fly over…I don’t know if I can lift the vehicles…” said Iron as she hopelessly stared at the Mountains. Cool Teen and Trash Homestuck hopped out of the Buggy simultaneously. “I’m fine with walking,” said Cool. “Same,” said Trash. Over the course of the road trip, Cool and Trash became close friends. Red Light and Mal Angel also agreed to walk. In the end, the Seven Elites ended up walking over the Eastern Mountains.  
After a few hours of walking, the Seven Elites climbed the first mountain. By the time they reached the top, it was sunset. The setting sun made them feel victorious, like they accomplished something. However, their victory was short lived. Almost immediately after they reached the top, all of their victorious joy was shot down. What lay before them were hundreds of dark mountains, all of which were taller than the ones in front of them. “Okay…” started G-Way, trying to take command and bring hope to the Elites, “Let’s set up camp for tonight here, and then try to climb a mountain a day. For now, let’s just rest.” The Seven Elites ate dinner and went to sleep.  
When they awoke, they ate a light breakfast and headed down the mountain. Partway down the mountain, G-Way shouted “Gagh!” and began to slip down the mountain. Quickly, he was caught by Iron Maid, who had flown ahead to check for any dangers. “Guess I didn’t see that one,” she said as she chuckled and set G-Way back down. G-Way was rather embarrassed, but the Seven Elites continued down the mountain.  
By midday they reached the bottom, a small crevice. The crevice was big enough for people to fit in, but small enough to not be seen by Trash as he fell in. Once they made sure he wasn’t hurt, the other Elites giggled a bit. Once they finished laughing, the Seven Elites set up a small camp for lunch, and once they finished, they started up the mountain.  
They arrived to a small cliff near the top of the mountain where they decided to rest for a moment and set up camp. “Hold on a second,” said Genderless as she motioned for the others to stop setting up the camp. Genderless flipped over a boulder along the cliff to reveal a vat of some sort of radioactive waste. The waste was beginning to leak some sort of green liquid, and seemed to be very hot. “Let’s set up camp further up the mountain,” suggested Iron. The Seven Elites walked further up. Although none of them said it, they all fully realized they were now in a toxic wasteland, a place where death looms under every rock and behind every corner. They were no longer safe.  
In the morning, they awoke, at breakfast, packed up camp, and headed for the tallest mountain, or at least the tallest one that they would encounter. Iron Maid scouted ahead and confirmed there were only a few after this one, and then they’d be in the Wasteland. The Elites started to head down the mountain.  
About halfway down the mountain, Cool noticed something out of the corner of his eye. “Whoa guys, hold up. Don’t make any sudden movements.” The Elites froze and began to slowly turn to where Cool was looking. Once they saw what he saw, they began to internally panic. What they were looking at resembled a Mountain Lion, except it was a dark green and appeared to be dripping some sort of goopy liquid. It eyes glowed red and it almost seemed to be on fire in places. The Elites remained still as the beast began to circle them. Slowly, they shifted into a circle and they raised their Laser Guns. The beast saw this and its eyes began to glow, in a similar fashion to Red Light’s eyes. The beast finally lunged towards the crowd, and was shot down by Mal. When it landed, the green slime began to fall off of the beast and sank into the ground. What was left behind was a burned skeleton of an Eastern Mountain Lion, with sparks occasionally coming off of it. The Elites stared at it for a moment. “I hope we never see one of those again,” said Cool Teen. Although they initially responded rather agitatedly, the Seven Elites subconsciously agreed with Cool. But they all knew that they would see many more of those Beasts.  
The Seven Elites continued on their trek uneventfully, until they finally reached the top of the tallest mountain. The view was incredibly, and now they finally felt a sense of accomplishments. The other mountains beneath them seemed insignificant. They set up camp and celebrated. After an eventful day, a bit of celebration was in order. After some alcohol, a bit of dancing, and some rather loud pop-punk, the Elites went to bed happy for once.  
At daybreak the Elites were suddenly awoken by a loud explosion. The ground shook beneath them as they hurriedly picked up all of their stuff and ran down the mountain. The Elites tripped over small rocks as they tried to escape the incoming rockslide. After a few minutes of running, the Seven Elites fell into a small crevice and were sealed in by hundreds of rocks.  
“Well,” said Trash to everyone’s dismay, “what are we supposed to do now?” The others sighed in frustration. “Wait,” said Genderless, “I think I found…” she paused for a moment and walked into a dark corner. After a minute or so, she came back out from the dark unknown. “I found a tunnel I think. I don’t know entirely why it’s here, but I think it might lead to a way out. The Elites followed Genderless into the dark, reeking tunnel.  
They walked for a while in the tunnel before reaching a dead end with a door. The door was sealed shut with a valve. “I think we should open this door,” said Mal. He then gripped the valve and forced the door open. Once the door was opened, light poured into the tunnel. This revealed that the tunnel was in fact a sewer; but none of the Elites really had a good idea of what a sewer was, so to them it was just a dark, smelly tunnel. The Elites walked into the room full of light.  
The room was not much of a room at all, but rather a sewage treatment plant that had been abandoned. It was light outside. The sun shone through the giant hole in the roof of the plant and illuminated the sewage-covered Elites. The Seven Elites walked out of the plant to find something rather surprising; they were in a forest.


	40. The Forest of Neon Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were a band, right?

The Seven Elites were not sure what they expected, but they all agreed that none of them expected a forest. The forest was full of insanely tall trees, and the leaves of those trees were neon green. The leaves were unusually bright and distinctly neon. If you are unaware, this is uncommon in the north-eastern United States.  
The Elites started to pace around the forest, looking pretty bewildered. “Well,” said Cool Teen, “Let’s not get distracted by the pretty trees. Where should we go? I don’t think that there’s anyone here to help us.” Everyone began to get agitated at Cool, when G-Way interjected. “He’s right; we need to figure out where to go. I say we head, um…” G-Way began to look around. He unknowingly pointed north. “…that way.” The Elites started their journey into the forest.   
As they walked on, the forest seemed to grow thicker. Every now and then, they noticed a large mushroom or two. But for the first few miles, nothing too interesting happened. Out of curiosity and boredom, Trash Homestuck asked Mal Angel a question. “Hey Mal,” he began to ask, “how come you’re not dead? Like how are you not still a ghost?” Mal sighed. “Well,” he began to explain, “Death is a funny thing. It’s kind of like being put into prison, but that prison is Disney World.  
“You see, I died at least 40 years ago, maybe more. When I died, my body was disintegrated in a laser blast. Now I can’t say too much, but I’ll tell you this; you only have to be dead for a certain amount of time. You also have options on how to spend your afterlife. For me, I was good, and I served all my time, so I got to come back. Since I made friends with the right people, they let me get my body back. So, here I am.” Trash was still a bit confused. “So wait,” he asked, “who is ‘they’?” Mal paused for a moment. “The people in charge of death,” he answered. “You know, Angels, Reapers, and Demons—any of them. It all depends on how you’re judged. See, I was judged to be good, so the Angels were in charge of me.” Trash thought for a minute. “Ah,” he said, “I get it now.” The Elites continued on their walk.  
Eventually, after a few days of walking, setting up camp, sleeping, and then walking again, the Elites reached the end of the forest; a giant wall of trees. At first, they were confused. “What are we supposed to do now?” They all generally asked. The only people not panicking were Iron and G-Way. G-Way was trying to think of a way around the trees, when Iron suddenly ordered everyone to back up. Out of fright and startlement, everyone backed up. Iron Maid blasted a hole through the trees to reveal that the trees were merely painted onto a cement wall. What lay behind the cement wall were gray hills and a few ruins here and there. “Oh my goodness,” said Genderless to no one in particular.  
The Elites stepped out of the apparently fake forest into the bitter Wasteland that lay before them. As they stepped out, the cement wall began to crumble and cave in where they had made a hole. For a few minutes, the Seven Elites just stood there, absolutely astonished at what they saw. It appeared that they were just south of the remains of a city, which they could see in the distance. They also saw a brown river that lead south. There were many hills around them, and the grass on all of them was a green-grayish color. They had just come from what appeared to be a walled forest that stretched for a good distance in the direction they just came from. Along the wall was copious amounts of graffiti, some fresh but most faded and nearly colorless. The entire scene was actually quite depressing. A few stray cars lay here and there, and Red assured them that there was nuclear waste abound. Breaking their silence, Cool posed a question: “I thought no nuclear bombs were dropped in the war; why is there nuclear waste everywhere?”  
Only Red, the semi-omniscient God knew the answer: “No nuclear bombs were dropped, but that doesn’t mean other bombs were dropped on nuclear weapons that were already here. The United States, in its last few years, began hoarding weapons along the coasts. This ultimately proved to be its downfall—that and a bad President. So a lot of the lands east of the Eastern Mountains were ruined for centuries. We’ll probably encounter a lot of leftover waste. But for now, we should just carry on. I think we should investigate that city over there.” Red pointed to the city along the horizon. “Even if there’s nobody there to help us or aid us back in the Sea, at least we might be able to salvage some materials. Maybe even a car if we’re lucky. But it is important that we don’t lose hope now. Our people need us now more than ever. So, come on!” Red began to run towards the city. The other Elites soon followed.


	41. The Newest York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What even.

The Seven Elites walked into the city; rather, what was left of the city. The whole area of buildings seemed rather big, but most of the buildings appeared empty. Occasionally, the Elites encountered a toppled skyscraper or a beaten up shack. The Elites stopped in front of what appeared to be a ruined sandwich store to investigate what appeared to be a dead body. However, it had no burns or broken bones, but was coated in red and had some holes in it. Genderless bent down and poked the blood. “Hmm…” she wondered, “It would appear that this blood is relatively fresh. But I don’t think this person died from Laser Guns. There are no apparent burn wounds, nor are any of the holes cauterized. It is possible that the shooter is using an outdated model that uses colder lasers, but I don’t think that’s the case. Iron, do you see anything in it?” Iron scanned the corpse. “I see some bits of metal in it. But, bullets haven’t been used in over a century!” The Elites thought for a moment, but were interrupted by bullets raining down upon them.  
The Elites heard the loud noise and jumped into the sandwich shop. The glass windows were shattered and bullets flew over the counter which they hid behind. The gunfire continued for a minute, but eventually stopped. The Elites remained crouched behind the counter. The Elites pulled out their Laser Guns and waited to see if they were still under fire. There was silence. G-Way reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an extendable stick. He put a sandwich wrapper around it and held it up. Bullets immediately fell upon the stick. G-Way quickly dropped the stick. The Elites sat in silence for another minute or so. Suddenly, some people came to the sandwich shop.   
“Put your guns down!” one of the people shouted.   
“Put your hands in the air!” the other shouted.   
The Elites complied. They turned to see two men standing in the doorway. Both of them appeared to be carrying old-fashioned guns. The guns were black, and had curved, orange clips coming from the bottom. They also didn’t appear to be Laser Guns. The men motioned for the Elites to come out of the shop, into the street. The Elites complied.  
The Elites followed the men to a building across the street. The building seemed to be some form of housing, but it was poorly kept. It almost resembled a Cooler house. There were a few people in the hallways, most of them appeared to be either dead, sleeping, or on drugs. The two men led the Elites up several flights of stairs, and eventually to the roof of the building. Atop the building were several armed soldiers. The soldiers wore faded light green camouflage, blue bandannas over their mouths, and some wore blue hats. All of them wore a black armband with a blue circle on it.  
The guards appeared to be guarding a man sitting upon a throne. That throne was not much of a throne, but was more of a chair that had been painted gold. In it sat a man in a blue suit with a black tie. The man had black, braided hair, with blue streaks throughout. He wore blue-rimmed sunglasses, and appeared to have a darker skin tone. He also wore a golden crown. The two men who led the Elites to the building shoved them towards the apparent Blue King. The King spoke. “Allow me to introduce myself; I am Roman Cripfield. I’m the last in a family line dating back to the ancient year of 1863. You see, there’s a bit of a gang war going on right now, and we’ve never seen you folk in Newest York.” Roman turned to a guard. “Felix!” he shouted, “Get me a cigar!” The guard handed Roman a cigar. “So,” said Roman as he sucked the cigar, “I’m guessing you’re not from around here. Care to explain yourselves?” G-Way took charge and stepped forward.  
“Hello, Mr. Cripfield,” began G-Way, “my name is G-Way, of the Emokind Territory in the Sea of Sand. Are you aware of the events taken place west of the mountains?” asked G-Way. Roman thought for a moment. “No,” he said, “What happened?” G-Way then explained what the Sea of Sand was, and that the Emokind was like a country inside of the Sea. He also explained Killjoys, and the Colossal Invasion, and the Coolers. He also explained what happened with the rest of the world. “So you see,” said G-Way, “the rest of the world is trying to invade America, and we’re trying to get help to defend this land. Will you help us?” Roman stretched and thought for a moment. “Tell you what,” he said, “as I said before, there’s a bit of a gang war going on now; it’s known as the Cripfield and McBlood war. So here’s what I want you to do; go to the McBlood turf and kill their leader, Mason McBlood. Now, this feud’s been going on for a while, and I think it’s time that it ended. So, why don’t you go end it already? Deal?” The Elites thought for a moment, and then went to go kill Mason McBlood.  
The Elites walked through the remains of the city until they came across what used to be an electronics store. “So,” asked Cool Teen, “Where exactly is this ‘McBlood Turf?’” G-Way was about to answer his expected remark, when a wave of bullets rained down upon the Elites. The group immediately dove into the store as its glass window shattered and whatever electronics remained were destroyed. While they ducked behind the counter, Mal said to no one and everyone, “Déjà vu, am I right?” The others sighed, grumbled, and complained that Mal’s statement was very cliché. Eventually, exactly as it had gone with the Cripfields, a few McBloods came down from wherever they were and escorted the Elites to their leader, Mason McBlood.  
The Elites stood atop a rooftop very similar to the one used by the Cripfields, but this time, the soldiers wore red bandannas and red hats, and wore a red square on their black armbands. Sitting in front of the Elites was a man in a throne. The man had long black hair, red-rimmed sunglasses, a black suit with a red tie, and a red scar upon his left eye. “Why hello there” he said to greet the Elites, “I believe you may know me. And I believe I may know you. I am Mason McBlood, King of the McBloods. And you, my friends, are the Seven Elites, of the Emokind Territory. Yes?” The Elites were taken aback for a moment. Trash Homestuck raised his finger and began to ask, “How did you know that?” but he was cut off after the “you.” Mason replied, “There are eyes and ears all over the Toxic Wasteland. But, formalities aside, let’s get down to business.  
“Roman sent you to kill me, did he not? Don’t answer that, I already know he did.” At this point, Mason was standing and pacing around the rooftop. “Let’s see… what shall we do with you? You’re far from home, but you came all this way to get some help. How about…” Mason tapped his chin and paused for a second. “…I propose a counter offer! You get those Cripfield twats to give up their turf and have them go with you on your petty quest. If they don’t leave immediately, the McBloods will take action—violent action. ” The McBlood guards escorted the Elites out of the McBlood base.  
The Elites began to walk back to the Cripfield base. “Well,” said Iron Maid, “now what? What are we supposed to do?” Red Light answered her question. “They must settle this conflict themselves. We tell both sides to prepare for a battle, and see who comes out the victor. Whomever wins will be able to decide for themselves whether they will help us or not.” The Six other Elites, knowing that Red is somewhat omniscient, decided to follow her plan.  
The next day, when the sun was at its highest point, the Cripfields and McBloods faced each other in the middle of the street, ready to fight. “So,” said G-Way in a very neutral, leader-like tone of voice, “Whoever wins has complete control of Newest York. They will decide whether to help us or not. Does everyone agree with these terms?” Both sides nodded in agreement. “Good,” said G-Way, “The battle will start in 15 seconds.” G-Way used those 15 seconds to go hide with the rest of the Elites as the battle went down.  
15 seconds later, a loud roar of gunfire was heard. McBloods shot at Cripfields, Cripfields shot at McBloods. A bloodbath ensued. A few minutes later, the gunfire ceased completely, and the Elites went out of hiding to see the damage. Strewn about the road were countless corpses, belonging to Cripfields and McBloods alike. Blood was splattered everywhere. But, as all hope seemed lost, a third group entered.  
From the direction in between the Cripfields and McBloods, opposite the Elites, came an army that introduced themselves as the Grape-Stones. Amongst their ranks were several Cripfields and McBloods, who had all been united under a purple star. Their red and blue bandannas were now purple, and their armbands now bore a purple star. The leader of this army introduced herself as Amy Grape-Stone. She formed her own gang after being rejected by both the Cripfields and McBloods, and has waited until the two collapsed to swoop in and take Newest York for herself. “As you can see,” she explained, “I’ve unified the survivors of this battle—as well as those who didn’t align themselves with Cripfields or McBloods—under one common force. Since neither side won this battle, I shall claim Newest York as my own. As gratitude for your starting of this conflict, I shall send an army to your Sea of Sand to defend against the rest of the world. I wish the best for you on your journey.” The Elites thanked Amy, and began to leave, when Red remembered something. “Amy,” she said, “can we have one more thing?”  
And thus, the Seven Elite Gods and Goddesses left Newest York in floating cars; not quite flying cars, but still hovering above the ground. There were 4 cars; one white for Genderless, one green for Cool and Trash, one red for Red and Mal, and one black for G-Way and Iron. The Elites headed south, by Amy’s recommendation, for the Ruins of Suburbia. There, they may find more help for their home.


	42. Years in the Past (Intermission Seven)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear.

A group of Killjoys drove out from their home town. These Killjoys were leaving their home of Threcher, Kansas, for what would one day become the Killjoy Capital. These Killjoys are special, because they aren’t just any Killjoys; they’re the First Killjoys.  
Loki Damned, his brother Lyoko, Red Robin, and Jane Glam, all still teenagers, are leaving their home in a 1970’s-style van. The end is nigh; anarchy has overtaken their hometown, and now, knowing that all of America is down the drain, these teenagers know they are the ones who must create a newer, better society—a society of freedom; a society of individuality; a society of Killjoys.  
Loki parked the van outside of a 7-Eleven in the Middle of Nowhere, Kansas. “Ok dudes,” said Loki to the other Killjoys, “keep your guns out. We don’t know if there’s anyone here. There might be a few Anarchists, so we might have to get our hands dirty. Remember, our main goal is to get some supplies, not to murder anyone. Are you guys ready?” The other Killjoys nodded in agreement. They headed into the 7-Eleven.  
The Killjoys burst through the doors. The store was, for the most part, empty. They slowed their confident sass-walk down to a slow walk, and started to lower their guns. It should be mentioned that their guns were 2nd edition Laser Guns, still a bit experimental but for the most part safe. They looked mostly similar to a revolver, but all white by default and without iron sights. However, the Killjoys’ guns had many streaks of color alongside the Laser Guns.  
After taking a few steps into the 7-Eleven, a person from the back room burst in with a classic, bullet-firing machine gun. The Killjoys ducked behind the nearest aisles as the bullets broke the glass in front of them. After a brief minute of constant fire, the shooting stopped. Jane used this time to quickly hop up and shoot the assailant right in the face. The still unrecognized assaulter fell to the floor. “Let’s quickly search the rest of the building,” suggested Lyoko.  
The Killjoys looked in each room of the building but were unable to find any other Anarchists. They then grabbed a few supplies and piled them back into the van. Once that was all done, they got a few snacks from the shelves of the convenience store and took a break. “I’m gonna go look for something” said Jane as she went into the back rooms to look for something. She left before the other Killjoys had any time to really respond.  
In the back room, Jane found a small, broken radio, a tiny television set, and a satellite dish. She also found a ladder, a tool box, and some spare parts. Before she could assemble her mystery device, Red Robin came into the room. “Hey Jane!” said Red very cheerfully, “I’m guessing you’re gonna build something again?” Jane chuckled a bit. “Yes, Red, I am—do you want me to show you what exactly it is I’m doing?” Jane also chuckled, “Of course!”  
Jane laid out the several parts in a clear manner. “Ok, so, what I’m trying to do is set up the television to get any news using that satellite dish and this radio. What I’m gonna do is use the ladder to attach the dish to the roof of the 7-Eleven. Then, I’m gonna use that spare wiring over there to attach the dish to the radio. I’m gonna rewire the radio to get TV signals, as opposed to radio signals. Then I’m gonna attach the radio to the TV and hope to get signals.” Jane nodded. “That sounds simple enough.” Within a half hour, the two girls were able to get the TV to get to the news channel.


	43. The Ruins of Suburbia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not easy being green.

The Seven Elites drove south until they reached what appeared to be a small town in the middle of the desolate wastes. The town started with a road, which is where they were stopped, that had a sign that labeled the town as Suburbia. Off in the distance, down the road, were many houses, nicely spaced apart, and further than that, a few parks, a nice forest, and maybe even some businesses. The Elites saw all this, and decided there might be some help in this town. “Wait,” said Iron, “didn’t Amy say these were the ‘Ruins’ of Suburbia? This doesn’t look very ruined to me.” Red Light turned to Iron. “I assure you, Iron, this town is plenty ruined.” The Elites hopped back in their cars and drove down the road.  
As they drove between the average houses, the Elites noticed something a bit off. The town seemed almost completely abandoned. They then noticed that some of the houses were very beat-up, almost…ruined. Eventually, the Elites came across one house in particular that seemed special. “Why don’t we check it out?” suggested Genderless rather cheerfully. The Elites got out of their cars and went into the house.  
On the outside, the house had a brick base, with some sort of paneling on the top two floors. The house had a roof, but a chunk was missing. Most of the windows on the house were also quite busted up. There was a small flowerbed in front of the house, but all the flowers were very dead. Inside, the house wasn’t much better. The Elites walked into what they think was once a living room, with a television, a nice sofa, maybe even a coffee table. However, what may have once been a coffee table was now a crushed pile of wood chips. The sofa was torn up and missing several cushions. Surprisingly, the TV was fine, and even had a VHS sticking out of the VCR. But we’ll get to that later.  
The door of the house was to the right side of the living room, right against a wall. To the right of the living room was a dining room, with a table that was also quite damaged and there was broken glass scattered everywhere. Still along the right side, on the opposite side of the front door, was a door leading to the kitchen. The kitchen looked like an average kitchen, with a counter, various cabinets, a stove, and a refrigerator, but most of which were quite damaged and had rotting food scattered about. The kitchen didn’t have a door to the right, but instead had a staircase that lead to the second and third floors. This staircase was also accessible from the dining room.  
The kitchen, along the right side, led to a back porch. However, the back porch was about 2-3 feet long, before crumbling into a torched overhang. Past the singed porch was not much. The backyard had what seemed to be remnants of a pool, a.k.a. plastic melted to the ground. There were also a few craters scattered about, as well as a few toys every so often. Those toys seemed to belong to small children, and ranged between big-wheeled bicycles and toy dump trucks. Overall, it was a pretty gloomy sight.  
The Elites explored the first floor of the house. Mal and Red looked around the dining room, Cool and Trash found the back porch, Genderless looked around the kitchen, Iron found the staircase, which was completely broken after the second step, and G-Way looked around the living room. After a few minutes of snooping around the house and not finding anything of real importance, G-Way noticed the VHS tape sticking out of the VCR. “Hey guys,” called out G-Way, “I think I might’ve found a thing.”  
Within moments, the Seven Elites crowded around the television. “What is it?” asked Mal with childish wonder. “It’s a TV,” replied G-Way. “No, the black box,” specified Mal. G-Way thought, and then replied, “I don’t actually know.” Suddenly, Cool Teen interjected. “Oh my gosh, it’s a VCR you idjits. You put that little rectangle right there, called a VHS tape, into it and it plays a video. C’mon guys, most of you are older than me, you should know this.” All of a sudden, very unsurely, Genderless, who was kneeling in the front, pushed the VHS tape into the VCR. The tape began to play.  
On the screen, sitting upon what was presumably the couch in the house, was a boy. The boy looked to be 13-14 years old or so. He had decently fluffy brown hair, an average face, a black t-shirt, and seemed rather nervous. He began to speak. “Hello,” he said, “my name is Christian Jonas. I live in Suburbia, Pennsylvania. My parents are out right now, and I’m a bit worried. You see, America is falling.  
“Earlier today, the President, John Blandon, got drunk during a speech and ‘declared war on everyone.’ I’ve been watching the news, and so far, the other countries seem pretty pissed. A lot of them have been talking about bombing America, which is where I live, by the way. From what I can tell, they don’t want to use nuclear bombs, just regular, explode-y bombs. So, until that happens, and in case someone finds this in the future, I’m gonna keep a video, um, ‘diary,’ if you want to call it that, of all the stuff that happens. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Christian then reached out to turn of the camera. Then, he sat back down and began speaking again.  
“So,” he said, “day two. My parents still aren’t home; I don’t think they’re coming back. They went to work yesterday, somewhere in D.C. I’m not sure where they are. I’m pretty scared. I’ve also heard talks on the news about an invasion. I’m really scarred. Well, I’ll keep you posted tomorrow. Bye.” Christian did the off/on thing again.  
Except this time, the video didn’t cut back to him sitting on the couch; it was him standing on his back porch. “Oh my god…” he muttered. On the screen was an overlook of Suburbia, towards what seemed to be a city in the background. The sky was orange. Rows of planes flew across the sky. Suddenly, a line of bombs fell out of the planes and onto the city. Many relatively small explosions were seen and heard. Christian stood in horror looking at the attack. Suddenly, the camera panned overhead, to see a plane flying over Christian’s house. After passing over the house, the plane dropped a bomb, and the camera fell back and stopped.  
Then, the video turned back on. It was Christian, sitting on his couch, like the past few days. Except this time, he looked a bit older. His eyes had dark circles underneath them. His black t-shirt was now a black tank-top. His couch was also much more worn. He then spoke, this time with a slightly deeper voice. “Hello again,” he opened with, “quite a lot has happened since the attack. My porch was blown up. Most of America has been trashed, and people are going nuts. There’s one TV channel still up, and it’s giving news on what’s happening. So here’s the jist of it—  
The east coast got totaled. Most everything is wrecked. West of the Appalachians, everything has been leveled. Replaced with a desert, they say. West of the Rockies, everything’s odd. There’ve been rumors of it being replaced by a dense jungle. But for the most part, nobody knows. A few people are trying to rebuild society. There’s an organization called “The American Beauties” that I might join. I hear they opened up a branch near Suburbia. There are also a lot of people running around trying to further destroy everything. “Anarchists” are what they’re being called. I hope I don’t see any of them. Well, I gotta go. I have some stuff I need to get done. Bye.”  
Christian came back, this time looking much older. He now had black face paint on that resembled the American flag. His hair was cut rather short, and he held a black machine gun in one hand. His voice was also considerably deeper, but cracked from time to time. “Hello, so, this might be my last log.” He paused for a moment. “The American Beauties are moving to D.C. Some people have started calling them the American Psychos, because of their kind of extreme nature. I don’t really care. American Beauties, American Psychos, whatever. The point is; D.C. is a mess. It’s worse than here.” Christian then moved out of the way to show that his house now looked the way it did. “So, if anyone in the future sees this, which I doubt, go to Washington D.C. Look for a group of people called either the American Beauties or the American Psychos. They can help you if you’re still alive. Well, I better get going; adios, future people.” The VHS tape then faded into static. The Seven Elites sat for a moment. Everyone was mostly in shock, staring blankly at the TV. G-Way then broke the silence by saying, “We have to go to D.C.”


	44. Washington

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOW, A LONG CHAPTER FOR ONCE.
> 
> Also this chapter title takes on a completely different meaning after listening to Hamilton.

“You’re crazy,” replied Cool Teen, “How do we even know those fools are still around?” Iron then supported Cool by saying, “He’s right, G. This tape is probably over a hundred years old. They’re all probably dead by now.” Mal then brought up the point, “Hey, it wouldn’t hurt to try. They’re an army, and we need armies to defend the Sea. I say we go.” Trash then said, “Wherever Cool goes, I go.” He then kissed Cool on the cheek. Cool blushed. “Um, uh, thanks, babe.” Iron sneered. “Get a room, you two. Genderless, what do you say?” Genderless said, “I think we should at least try at D.C. It can’t hurt, can it?” The Seven Elites turned to Red Light. “It’s all up to you, Red,” said G-Way. Red thought. “I think that, since we’re heading south anyways, we should stop in Washington D.C. to look for the American Beauties/American Psychos. I vote G-Way.” It had been decided; the Seven Elite Gods and Goddesses headed out for Washington D.C.  
The first leg of the trip required the Seven Elites to go through the rest of Pennsylvania, directly south. For the second leg, they will cross what was once the state of Maryland, but is now the Chesapeake Sea. Finally, they will land on the west coast of the Chesapeake Sea, and arrive in D.C. Most of the first leg of the trip was rather boring. The trip would take a total of one day and four hours. It would prove to be very perilous, but I’m sure the Elites can handle it.  
20 minutes in—First Leg  
Trash moaned in the back seat of the hover car. He then put his arms around Cool, who was driving, and began to complain. “I’m boooored,” complained Trash. Cool looked at his boyfriend lovingly. “Well, how about we put on some music?” Trash grumbled, “Okay,” and the car’s stereo began to play the song “Our Lawyer made us change the name of this song so we don’t get sued” by Fall Out Boy. Trash began to hum along. Suddenly, the car flipped over into a ditch. Cool and Trash both blacked out.  
Mal, who was driving at the back of the caravan, told Red to stay in her seat and hopped out of the hover car. Up ahead of him, both Cool’s and G-Way’s cars had fallen into a ditch, and Genderless’ spun off to the side. He first went over to Genderless. “Are you okay?” he asked. Genderless coughed and climbed out of the car. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. Genderless sat down as Mal went to check on G-Way, Iron, Cool, and Trash. He looked down into the ditch that the cars had fallen into, and then quickly decided to climb down. He first went to G-Way and Iron’s car, which was turned on its side with a few windows broken. He instinctively pushed the car back to its proper position. Once it was back upright, Iron Maid climbed out of the car. “I’m fine,” she said, “my suit protected me. I’m not too sure about G, though.”  
Mal opened G-Way’s door, and the door fell off. He dropped the door and pulled G-Way out of the wrecked car. The leader was unconscious at first, but within a minute he awoke. He groaned for a second, and then said, “I can’t feel my legs.” Mal was unsure of what to do. Seeing that Mal didn’t know what to do, Iron took charge and carried G-Way out of the ditch. Mal then went to check and Cool and Trash.  
The green car had been turned completely upside down. The roof was dented in, and all of the windows were broken. Mal tried to lift the car back up, but could not. Suddenly, a red glow came from the car, and it lifted itself back to the correct position. Mal looked over his shoulders to see Red standing at the top of the ditch, eyes and hands glowing red. “Thanks for not staying in the car,” said Mal with sincerity. Red then silently walked back to the hover car. Mal pried the door off of Cool’s side and the Teen fell out of the car. He had a few small cuts on his face, as well as a few bruises, but aside from that he was fine, but also unconscious. Mal pulled him away from the car, then pried open the door on Trash’s side.  
The door fell of instantly, but something was wrong with Trash. The teen’s face was quite cut up, but his left arm was profusely bleeding. Mal quickly grabbed where the blood was coming from and held tightly. “Help!” shouted Mal, “Trash’s bleeding! A lot!” Iron flew over to the Undead Killjoy and took care of things. Iron pulled Trash out of the car and applied a tourniquet to his arm. Iron then turned to Mal, and said, “G and Trash are gonna need some surgery. You, Red, and Genderless set up a camp for today. I should have everyone fixed up in a few hours.” Mal scampered up the hill and set up the camp.  
2 hours, 10 minutes in—First Leg   
Trash walked into camp. Mal, Red, and Genderless were sitting around a small fire. The hover cars were pulled around to make a wall opposite the ditch. Trash stuck his arm out to reveal that he now had a robotic arm. “Iron did this for me. She said that the Colossals taught her how to make robotic limbs when she went there to, you know, get her Iron Man suit. She’s setting up a light down there now so that she can do surgery for G-Way. Before that, though, she said she’s gonna patch Cool up. She said it might take another few hours, so we should try to sleep. She also mentioned that one or two of us should stay up, as guards or whatever. I’m pretty tired from, you know, surgery, so I’m going to sleep.” Trash fell to the ground and went to sleep. “I guess I’ll keep guard,” volunteered Mal.  
10 hours in—First leg  
“Look alive, sunshines.” Iron started waking the Elites up. At this point, the other Six Elites were packed together in a row. “C’mon, sleepy heads! We gotta head to D.C.! Let’s get to stepping! Some of you can sleep in the car.” Within a few minutes, the Seven Elites were piled into the two remaining cars. Trash decided to name the two cars the “Red Mage” and the “White Mage” because he “Saw it in a video game once.” The Seven Elites were finally back on track for Washington D.C.  
Iron Maid, Trash Homestuck, Cool Teen, and G-Way rode in the White Mage. Iron wanted to “Keep an eye on her patients,” so she could make sure none of their robotic implants malfunctioned. Although, Cool didn’t have any robotic implants, he just wanted to be with his boyfriend. Mal, Red, and Genderless drove in the Red Mage. The next hour was pretty boring, until…  
11 hours in—First Leg  
The Seven Elites stopped in their car. Everyone in both cars could see why they had stopped; a Beast. This Beast, made of the same goo substance as the Mountain Lion, resembled more of a large dog. Quickly, out of fear, Mal drove the Red Mage through the Beast. The goo splattered all over the car, and the Beast’s bones flung forward, now in front of the Red Mage. Dark green goo now covered the front windshield of the Red Mage, along with the rest of the hood of the car, and a few of the front wheels. A muffled “God damn it” could be heard from outside the cars.  
11 hours, 40 minutes in—End of First Leg  
The Seven Elites pulled up to a large body of water. The body of water was the Chesapeake Sea. Basically, when the east coast was bombed, the entire state of Maryland was reduced to a Sea. It doesn’t change much really, because before the bombings, Maryland was only really known for the Chesapeake Bay, so it’s still only famous for a body of water named Chesapeake.  
G-Way stepped out of the White Mage and gazed out at the Sea. “Are we ready?” he asked the Elites. The other Six Elites nodded in agreement. “Then, let’s go.” The cars moved forward, still hovering above the water as if it were the ground. And with that, the Elites were off, headed straight for Washington D.C.  
12 hours, 20 minutes in—Second Leg  
The Elites were travelling across the sea uneventfully. They were listening to what Mal referred to as “The Radical Mix.” It was essentially every Green Day, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, and Black Veil Brides song played in a giant, emo mix. Everyone loved it. At first, everyone “jammed out” with “wicked head bobs” and “crazy hair flips,” but at this point, everyone was pretty tired, so most people were asleep or quietly enjoying the music.  
15 hours, 50 minutes in—Second Leg  
Everyone woke up very startled. A loud roar was heard from outside the cars. Everyone gathered around the edges and windows of the cars to see, to the left and right sides of the cars, six giant crabs. The crabs were large enough to stand on the floor of the sea while still having at least half of their bodies exposed out of the water. The giant crabs shuffled back and forth a few times, occasionally snapping their pinchers. The crabs were also made of thick, dark green goo.  
“Oh fuck,” said G-Way once he realized what the crabs were. “Oh fuck,” said Mal once he realized what the crabs were. “Oh fuck,” said Iron once she realized what the crabs were. “Oh fuck,” said Genderless once they realized what the crabs were. “Oh fuck,” said Cool once he realized what the crabs were. “Oh fuck,” said Trash once he realized what the crabs were. “Oh fuck,” said Red once she realized what the crabs were. Suddenly, the Beasts began to shuffle in front of the hover cars.  
The Beasts started to form a wall in front of the path of the Elites. “There’s no way that we’re going to be able to go around them!” shouted Mal to Iron, who I should remind, was in the White Mage ahead of the Red Mage. “Well, I hate to be cliché, but we’ll just have to go through them!” she shouted back. Suddenly, Iron began shooting rockets at the Beasts. The wall of Beasts cried out in anguish as the holes in their center caused them to fall apart. The gooey monsters began to slowly cave in on themselves, until they eventually crumbled into the sea. The Elites whizzed past where they once were.  
24 hours in—End of Second Leg  
The Seven Elites pulled onto the beach, then onto the road. They began to drive through the ruined suburbs that surrounded them. They had finally arrived in Washington D.C. “So, now that we’ve come all the way to D.C., where do we go now? Do we know where the American Psychos are?” G-Way replied, “We’ll find them eventually.”  
1 Day, 3 Hours, 59 Minutes in—End of Third Leg  
After almost four hours of desperate searching, the Seven Elites looked into the distance to see a large white house. Standing in front were several people, all holding guns. The house had a flag raised. The flag had green and lighter green stripes, with a dark green rectangle in the corner. The dark green rectangle also had many stars, all of which were the lighter green that was previously mentioned. “I think we found them,” said G-Way happily. The Elites pulled up in front of the White House and were overwhelmed with joy. However, their joy almost immediately turned to disappointment. Several teenagers, each with a flag resembling the one being flown above the White House painted on their face, as well as black metallic guns in hand, forced the Elites out of the Red and White Mages and carried them into the House.  
The Elites were thrown to the floor in an oval-shaped room. They looked up to see a girl who looked to be about 10-years-old sitting in a desk in front of them. The girl wore a black suit that had a small, green American flag pinned to it. The girl had freckles, short ginger hair, and a bow. “Madame President,” said one of the teenaged guards who had brought the Elites in, “what do you want us to do with these trespassers?” This remark angered the Elites, until they eventually settled down and explained.  
“So you see,” said G-Way after explaining, “We need your help to protect America from the rest of the world. Can you help us?” The Madame President stroked her chin and thought. “Why should I believe you?” she asked. The Elites thought. Suddenly, an unforeseen event proved that the Elites were telling the truth. Unfortunately, that event was the thing the Elites were trying to prevent.  
Several large, white planes flew over Washington D.C. before the Elites could try and convince the Madame President to help them, another teenaged guard burst into the room. “Madame President!” the guard exclaimed, “There are these ships! They’re flying over D.C.! They’re dropping bombs, Madame President! What should we do?!” Madame President’s face went from smug skepticism to deathly fear. “See,” said Cool somewhat rudely, “It’s the rest of the world. Now Madame President, I would advise you send your army to take down those planes before they can do any more damage to the rest of America. Then, maybe once D.C. is safe, you can send whoever’s left to defend the rest of the U.S. Please?” The Madame President sighed at his snide remarks. “Take down those ships, Commander. Then we’ll see what we can do for these…fellows…”  
Within seconds, an army of teenagers was shooting hundreds of thousands of bullets into the sky, desperately attempting to stop the oncoming fleet of Unity Planes. A few of the planes began to fall to the suburbs outside of the central city. But, just as the planes were falling, so were the American Psychos. Bombs dropped in several parts of the city. The bombs seemed to explode pure light, and thus were titled Light Bombs. The Light Bombs completely obliterated whatever was in their radius, but it was admittedly a very small radius. Nonetheless, the Light Bombs ruined most of the city.  
After a solid half hour of absolute chaos, the Seven Elites found themselves atop the Natural History Museum, firing Lasers into the planes hopelessly. Even after an immense rain of fire, the Unity Planes continued heading west, towards the rest of the U.S. Suddenly, the Madame President popped up onto the roof from a nearby escape hatch. The Madame President’s suit was torn up. She now only wore a singed white shirt, a singed red tie, a black skirt that was still at a respectable length, and black military boots. “Listen up, ‘kind gentlemen.’ I’m ten and a half years old, so I know a thing or two. I doubt that you sent these planes here, considering you were just shooting at them. So I trust you now. But, D.C. is lost. I’m sending my men west, following the trail of these so called ‘Unity Planes.’ I’m also gonna head there myself. So, good luck, I guess. I would recommend you keep heading south to try and get some more support, but I can’t tell you what to do. Whelp, see you later!” The little girl hopped back down the hatch and ran in the direction of the planes. Trash turned to the other Elites. “I think we should leave,” he suggested. The other Elites agreed.  
The Elites walked towards their Hover Cars, only to find that the cars were now just metal flakes in a pit. “Light bomb,” said Mal. “Light bomb,” repeated the other Elites. “Well, now what?” said Cool, “Maybe D.C. was a mistake. I mean, we got the American Psychos to help us out, but now our only means of transportation are wrecked. And anyways, where are we gonna go now?” Suddenly, G-Way had an idea. “We’ll go back. Back to the Sea of Sand, that is. I am, personally, very tired. I say we hop on one of the Psychos’ trucks and take it with them back to the Sea. Who’s with me?” Red then suggested, “We should also have some of the Psychos’ head south to find some reinforcements. But, we need to hurry; they’re about to leave.”  
The Elites ran for the nearest Psycho bus. After doing some smooth talking and making a few bribes, a platoon of American Psychos were sent south to find more help for the American Revolution. The Seven Elites rode the Psycho bus back to the Sea of Sand, which is where we will find them next.


	45. Formation of the Killjoys (Intermission Eight)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of lore.
> 
> Why not?

The T.V. showed a small city scene. There was chaos in the streets. The news anchor began to speak. “…day eighteen of the Indianapolis Riots, or also day eighty four since the Declaration of War made by the former President John Blandon—chaos still reigns in the streets. No one is innocent anymore. Children are shooting each other. Mothers are setting homes on fire. Fathers are killing other families. The world has gone mad. There is no hope.”   
The Killjoys stared blankly at the TV. “The Anarchists have taken over Indianapolis. We know that the east coast is wasted beyond repair. We…we’re all alone now.” The Killjoys sat silently. “I say, fuck it,” suggested Red Robin. The Killjoys were pretty confused. “Yeah, fuck it!” exclaimed Red again, “Fuck the old system! Fuck the old society! Fuck the old rules! Why don’t we just start our own country? America fucking sucks, and it’s all gonna die anyways. Besides, what else are we gonna do? Fight Anarchists ‘til we die? I say fuck the old America and start something new.”  
After a solid month of preparing, the Killjoys finally finished the Official Team Rulebook. The Rulebook would become the basis for life in the Sea of Sand, dictating how and where people lived, how disputes were settled, and many laws and rules. The Killjoys also decided to have people be in Teams under one ruler, the Way. The Teams would also be unified under an Alliance. The first Alliance would be the Killjoys. The Killjoys also decided to let other people, as long as they’re not anarchists, follow the Rulebook and make their own Team. People could also make or join their own Alliance. And a few months later, there were over 50 Teams made, and there were two Alliances; the Killjoys and the Coolers.  
At this time, in the Killjoy Capital, Red Robin was fixing a car. Red was working right now in the Capital as a mechanic to try and get people to join the Killjoys. So far it was a fairly successful business. Since the Rulebook didn’t really specify any sort of currency, people just repaid Red by joining the Killjoys. After she finished the car, and after the car left, Jane walked in.  
“Hey Red, I have a problem, are you finished working?” asked Jane. “Yeah, I just finished up. What is it?” Jane sat Red down. “Sit down Red, I need to monologue.”

Jane began her monologue. “I’m a bit upset with how Loki is running the Killjoys. I think he’s too carefree. We need to start focusing on the real issues. I’ve also been thinking a lot about mortality and stuff like that. I’ve tried asking Loki many times to allocate more funds to science, but he keeps calling it ‘nerd stuff’ and pushes it off. I’m thinking about starting my own Alliance. Would you be willing to help me? Also, short monologue, I know.” Red thought about this proposition. “I’m sorry Jane,” explained Red, “but I actually agree with Loki in a lot of things. ‘Fuck it,’ remember? Good luck to you if you start your own Alliance, but I’m just going to stay a Killjoy.” Jane looked at Red with sadness and heartbrokenness. “Fine then,” Jane retorted sassily and somewhat angrily, “I’m gonna start my own Alliance.”


	46. The Fight of America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another big fight.

The Psycho bus pulled up to where the Unity Planes had landed. The two armies stood opposite each other, with the Americans on the western side and the World on the eastern side. They were in the heart of Killjoy Territory, not far from where the Killjoy city of Perpcol once stood. The field was insanely flat, and the sand completely hardened. The two forces, after having been waiting for a few hours, were finally organized.  
The rules were simple; the two sides would fight until one side surrendered—and death is a form of surrender. Any form of weapon can be used, but the fighting cannot go past the outlined field. This field, per the World’s request, would be titled, “America.” Whichever side won this fight would have supreme power over all Killjoy, Emokind, and Cooler territories, as well as the Toxic Wasteland. It would also give power to the West Coast Line, a vast unexplored region west of the Western Mountains. The fate of the world rested on this battle.  
All of the living Killjoys fought in this battle. Among them were the Seven Elite Gods & Goddesses, as well as several powerful but not as important Killjoys who are not worth mentioning. Several Emokind also decided to fight, despite their typically pacifistic nature. A few Coolers thought about pitching in, but instead tended to their other affairs—drug usage, partying, that sort of thing. The American Beauties/American Psychos also were among the Killjoy ranks, led by their leader, Madam President Gloria. While preparing for the battle, Gloria revealed to the Elites that she was the daughter of Christian Jonas, the guy from the VHS tape. The Grape-Stone army, as promised, also readied for attack. Whilst in preparation, it was concluded that Amy Grape-Stone, the leader of the Grape-Stone army, was the daughter of Lady Luck, or Red Robin. “But wait,” said Mal, “I thought Lady always lived in the Sea?” Amy wagged her finger at Mal. “Do you know nothing of her past?” she said somewhat ominously. Nothing else was discussed on the matter.  
On the World’s side were several soldiers dressed in pure white. They weren’t dressed as soldiers, rather regular people. Some wore white suits, some wore white overalls, and some even wore white crop-tops and booty-shorts. But, despite their seemingly civilian appearance, each person in the crowd of around 200 was armed with a white Laser Gun. Some had Laser Swords, and some had Laser Machine Guns. But they were all armed to the teeth.  
A voice called out from the World’s side. “Ready?” the gender-neutral voice asked. “Ready,” confirmed the voice of G-Way from the America’s side. The two armies aimed their guns at each other. “Fire!” shouted the two previous voices at the same time. In an instant, light exploded on both sides of America. There were several sudden cries of anguish, and several that continued on for many minutes. The two forces began spreading out across the battlefield of America.  
G-Way hid behind a wall of corpses. Several of the 180-some remaining Americans were constructing Corpse Walls to hide behind. It just so happened that G-Way was hiding behind one of them. The former-Prophet occasionally perked up from his position, shot a few times, and then crouched back down. After repeating this for a few minutes, G looked over to see, through the dust that was filling the field, Mal and Red taking a similar approach, except they were taking turns. “Hey, that’s pretty clever!” shouted G-Way to the two friends. “Yeah!” shouted Mal back, “I learned it from Iron!”  
Iron Maid took a completely different approach from the other three Elites. Iron flew around over the Unity Army, raining Lasers down upon them. The method seemed to be pretty effective, because any time one of them would aim up at Iron, she’d either move out of the way, or they would get shot by one of the other Americans. This proved to be a pretty effective strategy, until…  
“Genderless!” shouted Iron. The Girl in the iron suit flew down to the non-binary corpse of Genderless Stereotype, who was feeling more masculine at the time of the Fight. Iron picked up the singed corpse of the boy, and set it back down after a brief second of mourning. When Iron became focused again, she saw what was probably the murderer of the boy—a Light bomb.  
The Unity Planes began flying overhead again, dropping Light bombs every which way. Iron flew out of the way before another bomb could hit her. Iron then had the idea to fly up higher into the sky and take out the planes. This would prove to be a decisive move in the outcome of the Fight.  
Trash and Cool were both running. They were running away from all the death and destruction, until they found something lodged in the sands. “No way,” said Cool as he began to dust off the mech. “What is it?” asked Trash Homestuck to his boyfriend, Cool Teen. “It’s a Colossal Mech, from the olden days. This has to be a sign. I can probably fix it, and if I do, we have to use it to help the others.”   
“But wait,” argued Trash, “I thought we were running away from the Fight.” Cool looked back at his boyfriend. “This is a sign,” he explained, “If we don’t go back and fight, we’ll certainly die. We have no choice.” Cool started fixing the mech.  
The fighting raged on. People stood up and died. Corpses flooded the field. The battle seemed to be going in the favor of the World. The Americans only had about 40-50 soldiers left, while the World had almost doubled. All hoped seemed lost, when a giant mech came over the horizon.  
Piloted by Cool and Trash, the Colossal Mech rained lasers down upon the World. In shock, the soldiers had no way to respond, and their forces were cut down by at least 30. However, they quickly recovered, and the fight continued on. The two sides now seemed evenly matched, with each of their forces quickly depleting. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Joy Grateful rose up above the bowl of dust and lasers. She began to glow green, and quickly, she exclaimed, “I am activating the Green Key to end this conflict!” Mal looked up to see this astonishing display. He noticed that his long-time enemy, Joy, was now completely robotic and helping America.   
Joy disappeared in a green flash of light as quickly as she appeared. Green Fire burst throughout America. Both sides of the Fight seemed to be turned to dust, when a triumphant boot came down onto a corpse. G-Way, along with Cool Teen, Trash Homestuck, Red Light, and Malicious Angel, stood victoriously. “We did it!” exclaimed Trash, “We beat the bad guys!” Cool smiled and kissed his boyfriend. G-Way smirked happily. The remaining Elites were pretty satisfied. They stood as victors in a field of corpses. But, they began to feel tired.  
The smiles left their faces. Cool was the first to fall, then Trash, and then Mal. “What’s going on? Why am I so…tired?” asked G-Way nonspecifically, before falling to the Earth. Red Light tried to know what was going on for a moment, but suddenly fell to the Earth. Despite being victorious, the Killjoys were dead once more. But, all hope is not yet lost.


	47. Another Author's Note (Intermission Nine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to get lightheaded from this.

Hi, it’s me again. This whole story arc was longer than the others content-wise, but not necessarily chapter-wise. So, I would recommend taking a break now. Grab some tea, do some work, maybe take a nap. You could try listening to relaxing music. Anyways, unlike Book One, the entirety of Book Two isn’t going to take place entirely in the titular land. So, say goodbye to the Toxic Wasteland for now, even though this part of the book is still technically called “A Toxic Wasteland.” Well, once you’re ready to continue, go ahead and keep reading.


	48. Everyone is Dead!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because it's like the My Chemical Romance song, "Dead!"

G-Way woke up. He was in a white room. In fact, he was on a couch, curled into a ball. Everything in the room was white. That is, except for the four multicolored Elites sitting next to him. The other Elites Gods and Goddesses saw G-Way wake up. Before any of them could speak, a new person entered the room.  
A man appearing in his late forties entered the room. He had graying black hair, a somewhat receded hairline, bits and pieces of facial hair and pitch black pupils. He wore a formal all-black suit that clashed with the rest of the room. “Now then,” he said with a slight British accent, “let’s get started.”  
“So,” said the man, “you’re dead. Congratulations!” The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a small party popper. He pulled back the string and confetti popped out. The multicolored confetti clashed heavily with the all-white room. “Now, I bet you’re wondering—‘Oh Mr. Moses, how could we be dead? We beat the World!’ Well remember that vat of radioactive waste you found in the Mountains?”  
The Elites all remembered the vat.  
“Well, the Toxic Wasteland was full of it. Like, seriously. It’s a wonder you made it as long as you did—just over a month. You all have, or rather had, radiation poisoning out the ass. So that brings me to how you all died—radiation poisoning.  
“Now, on to the next thing—you will notice that only five of the seven ‘Elites’ are here. Well, the other two, Red and Mal, have died before. They’ve heard this spiel before. Well, rather, they’ve heard something similar. Which brings me onto my next point—Adam’s Rebellion.

“So, you are in Judgment, a place where the dead are Judged and sent to their afterlife. There are a few afterlife options—Hell, Heaven, Infinitium, being a Ghost, having your soul bound to a mortal, or eternal suffering.”  
“Wait,” interrupted Cool Teen, “aren’t Hell and eternal suffering the same thing?”  
“Wow,” said Moses, offended, “rude. No, Hell and eternal suffering aren’t exactly the same things. Eternal Suffering can take place in Hell, and it usually does, but it’s not guaranteed. Normally, Hell would be like having your arm ripped off and your toes set on fire, but then being healed and having copious amounts of sex with the person who ripped them off. True Hell is really only for those who are really messed up. Eternal suffering is when you have to suffer from a more mental standpoint. Mass-murderers, corrupt politicians, and evil tyrants usually go here. There was this one guy a while ago who had to do that… Mal can tell you about him.  
“But back on track. Normally, you would go into that…” Moses pointed to a door of to the side. “…room to have your deeds counted in a Right to Wrong ratio. The people who operate the machines that calculate it, as well as who run the Afterlife, are called Reapers. That’s what I am. However, there are also Angels, who own the good people, and Demons, who rule Hell. But it’s mostly just Reapers.  
“But—a few Earth Years ago, back when the ‘Colossals’ were invading the Sea of Sand, one of the Reapers rebelled. His name was Adam. Essentially what he did was he closed down the Afterlife for a while, allowing a bunch of dead people to roam free. Most people were quickly either sent to Earth as ghosts or were bound to a human. This is what happened to Mal. But, he was good, so we let him get his body back eventually.  
“Now, Adam, he’s a tricky fellow. He was one of the top Reapers, but now he’s something new. He’s not a Demon or an Angel, he’s a God. You see, there are a few Gods. I believe one of you might have met Zero, the Punk God. Then again, that might have been Red. But anyways, there are multiple gods to represent each of the objects of value. Value changes over time. Back in Ancient Greece, there was a god of Wine, a god of Metalworking, et cetera. Nowadays, there’s a Punk God, an Internet God, and even a television God. Usually, past gods just become these ‘new’ gods. Like Hephaestus, the Greek god of Metalworking, is actually now Ford, the god of Cars.  
“Adam has labeled himself as the New God. What he plans to do is destroy the entire Universe to create a ‘better’ one. Now, do you know just how many things live in the Universe?”  
Trash started to take a guess but was immediately interrupted.  
“No, of course you don’t, mortals can’t count past 10 Cillion. But it’s a lot. Now I’ll explain to you how he intends to do this later. You guys have been chosen to be part of an army to stop him. If anyone of you doesn’t want to, you can go to Hell. There’s literally a door in my office over there.” Moses pointed to a door opposite the previous door that contained where they calculated Right to Wrong ratios. “Now, follow me to the barracks.”  
Moses led the five Elites down a white hallway to a white door. He opened the door to reveal the room behind it. It was a fairly large room, but it was relatively empty. There was a small rectangular table to the left with a variety of foods on it, and a larger table in the center with seats around it. However, no one was in any of the seats—everyone in the room was sitting on the floor in circles.  
“Go on in and mingle with the other mortals. Don’t worry; they’re all from your planet. We have each planet in its own army. Now, go talk to people.”  
The Church of Elephants sat in a circle towards the left side of the room. After a brief catch-up as to the humans everyone was bound to and what everyone has been doing since the crash of the Afterlife, Mal posed a question that’s been bothering him since the Battle of America. “So,” he asked Lady, “what exactly is your past, Lady?”  
“What do you mean, Mal?” she counter-asked.  
“Well, in the Battle of America, before I died, someone mentioned that you’ve been to the Toxic Wasteland. Also, back a long while ago, at that 7-Eleven with those absolute douche bags, one of them called you Red Robin. Care to explain?”  
“Well…” She took a deep breath. “I guess we have the time, since it doesn’t look like we’re going anywhere anytime soon, so I’ll give you the full story of my life.  
“Way back after the United States was blown up first in 2030-something or so, me and a group of friends left our home town after it was going to shit by some anarchists. Those friends were Loki Damned, the Lone Lyoko, and Joy Grateful. However, at the time, Lyoko had shorter hair and wore a lot more regular clothing, and Joy was called Jane Glam. She wasn’t a cyborg at that time, actually. In fact, we were the first Killjoys. There weren’t any other Alliances until Jane and Lyoko left to start the Emokind. Jane eventually split up with Lyoko and started the Colossals. Some time in between then, Lyoko went missing, which is when he became the Lone Lyoko. However, I actually know what happened.  
“When I was bound to my human, some dude in Europe named Dale, I found out through ghost gossip that when Lyoko went missing he was kidnapped by Jane, now Joy, and was brainwashed into the homicidal maniac he became. Joy tapped into the Key inside of Lyoko to make him become an absolute dick.  
“Now, as for what I was doing, I was travelling the new Territories. I was working as a mechanic for Loki until one day I got super bored. So, I decided to just leave and check out what everyone else was doing. Loki was totally cool with it, so I decided first to head east.  
“I found the Toxic Wasteland from the south. I visited the Republic of Florida, which was absolutely nuts. I headed north and did some shenanigans, until I eventually found a guy and had Amy. Now, I knew I had to raise this kid, but I didn’t want my past life of, you know, starting a society that would eventually rule over a region to catch up with me. So, I changed my name to Lady Luck and settled in for a few years.  
“Eventually, when Amy was about 7, I had to leave because my husband at the time was a dick. We got divorced and He got to keep Amy. When I was dead, I found out that Amy herself left when she was about 10 and lived with the Cripfields and the McBloods when she was 11, before starting her own gang.  
“When I was back in the Sea of Sand, and more importantly the Killjoy Territory, I got picked up by you guys. At some point I got married to Doctor D, and we chilled for a bit. Then one day we ran into Lyoko.  
“I vaguely remembered Lyoko from before, but he changed so much that I didn’t recognize him at all. His hair was so long and pointed, and his clothes became that sleek leather. And, you remember what happened. We all died: The end. Say, Mal, Moses said you could tell us about a dude who had to go through eternal suffering. Tell us that story!”  
Mal choked on the beverage that had magically appeared while Lady was telling her story. “Well,” he said a bit nervously, “that was Lyoko.”  
“What?!” exclaimed Lady.  
“Well, when Lyoko helped kill everyone, he was sent to eternal suffering for it. In fact, his sentence was to wander the Sea of Sand to witness what happened because of his actions. But, I know this is a bit of a hard subject for you, so let’s talk about other things. Candyman, how goes your bottle cap collection?”  
Joy Grateful, Cool Teen, and Alphonse sat in a circle right next to the Church, within earshot. “Just listen to them,” said Joy with disgust. “They treat us Colossals as if we’re heartless bastards.”  
“Well,” said Alphonse, “you did unleash a mass genocide on the Emokind people and you tried to conquer the Sea of Sand. It is a bit…reasonable…to see why they’d be upset…”  
“UGH!” exclaimed Joy, “Nobody understands me!” She then stormed off to the other side of the room, where she slouched against the wall. Unexpectedly, the Jesus of Suburbia walked over to her and slouched next to her.  
“Um…hey,” said the Jesus somewhat uneasily.  
“What do you want,” she let out in a pissed off yet defeated tone.  
“Well, I…I think I might understand where you’re coming from.”  
Joy sat up and wiped some tears from her eyes that had started to accumulate. “What are you talking about?”  
“Well,” said Jesus more easily and calmly, “never forget that we both have Keys in us. Remember when you saved everyone at the Battle of America? I was Red Light, I saw you out there. It was amazing.”  
Joy started to calm down and started to explain things to the Jesus. “I never wanted to kill anyone. It’s just,” she tensed up, “It’s just that nobody would listen to me. I knew that everyone was going to die someday, but Loki—or Red—or anyone, for that matter—would listen to me. I just wanted to progress science for the better of everyone. So I did my own work and made the Cybernetic Parts—a way to stay alive forever.  
“But only the Colossals would use them. I was—I was just so overcome by depression and hopelessness that—that I just went mad. That, and the Key, it just—I just…” Joy lost her words and began to break down in tears. The Jesus tried to comfort her, but she pushed him away and calmed down a bit. “A lot of people died who didn’t need to. A lot of it is my fault, but a lot of it isn’t. A lot of Colossals died to, as well as a lot of innocent people. I realize that now. There’s so much death in the world—so much pain. I wanted to end that.  
“I was wrong…” Joy’s tone of voice changed. She started to become angrier. “I was wrong…so why won’t they let me live this down!” She now stood up and the whole room went silent. Everyone ceased talking and looked up at the woman screaming to them. “I was wrong! I admit this! I killed a lot of you, I know, but a lot of you killed my people! My friends! I just wanted the best for you, and you repay me by killing my people! I know I was wrong, but you all are too!” Tears filled Joy’s eyes now, and she ran out of the room.  
The room remained still for a moment, but quickly returned to the conversations that were going on.  
The Novocain Nightmares sat in a circle on the right side of the room, closer to the door that Joy just left through. They chit-chatted for a bit, catching up on past matters, discussing new role-playing games they learned since dying, when Icy clutched his forehead in pain.  
“Having another talk with Tumblr?” asked Flame.  
Icy made another sound in pain, before replying, “Yeah…” He then blacked out.  
In a dark blue room, Icy sat on a couch, rolled up in a blanket with several cartoon cat designs on it. “Hey there, ‘champ,’” said a familiar voice, “Listen…”  
The Tumblr tree, or rather the voice of the Tumblr tree, began to speak to Icy. “Since I’m more in your head now, I think it’s time we talk again about stuff. So, you’ve been dead for a while now, and it’s allowed me to talk to you more ‘dude to dude,’ except I’m not a dude and, biologically speaking, neither are you—which is totally cool with me. But anyways, I’m gonna have to leave you for a bit soon; I don’t know when I’ll talk to you again. Things are about to get really hairy, speaking both figuratively and literally. So, I can’t really use my near-omnipotence to help everyone beat Adam from in here. I’m working on something that will really blow the socks off of everyone. Check you later, ‘dog.’”   
Icy woke up.


	49. The Importance of Keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like heavy-handed exposition half way through part two to really hook the reader.

“Ah, now that sleeping beauty is up from his nap, let’s get down to business.” Moses spoke down to the crowd of people standing before a wooden stage that was opposite the door of the room. Icy was the only one not in this crowd because he was asleep on the other side of the room. He stood up and walked to the group.  
Behind Moses on-stage were the Jesus of Suburbia and a calmed-down Joy Grateful. “Now,” said Moses, “I’m sorry that only two of the seven Keys are here. Lyoko, as many of you know, is under Adam’s control.” Since nobody knew this, lots of murmurs went through the crowd. “What?” asked Moses, confused that nobody knew this, “He certainly hasn’t been on Earth for the past ten years. Where do you think he went? Do you think he just…faded from existence? No!  
“One of the Keys is somewhere in Hell, so we couldn’t get him. One of them isn’t taking any sides at the moment, and the other Keys are under Adam’s control. So, if we are to have any chance at beating Adam, we need to get the one in Hell and to convince the one who’s undecided. Ah, but I just realized—none of you fully realize what Keys are. Allow me to explain—  
“When the Universe was created, one of the ‘Gods’ created seven ‘keys.’ The reason I put ‘keys’ in air quotes is because they’re not really keys; they’re more just chunks of colorful space rocks. These Keys contained the power to destroy, and once humans were created, they were put into seven humans. Because let’s be honest—no one gives a fuck about the Austbergians from planet Austberg-5.  
“The Keys would travel down the bloodline until the time was right. A lot of people had a Key at some point without even realizing it. Some people were even able to tap into the Key on accident. Remember Genghis Khan? Or Hitler? Or even Jesus? Now you know. So, if you’re wondering, the time is not right. The time will be right when the Universe is ready to die. But Adam is trying to fast-forward the process so that he can create his own Universe. This, of course, involves killing everyone. So, what can we do to stop it?  
“Well, we can get the other Keys so that Adam can’t, for one thing. We can also try to destroy the Keyholes. Now, let’s talk about Keyholes. Throughout the Universe there are several Keyholes. They’re pillars with holes in them that, once they come into contact with a Key, activate it. Now, you’ve seen what happens when a Key is activated—bright light that matches the color of the Key, some sort of hot goopy substance that goes everywhere and a lot of things die. When Joy activated her Key, she had a Keyhole in the form of a pipe. Most of you didn’t notice the pipe, if you saw when she sacrificed herself at the Battle of America, but whatever. The Jesus here had a Keyhole inside of him. He just shoved his hand through his stomach.  
“So to conclude—we have to either destroy all billion-or-so Keyholes throughout the entire Universe destroy them, or we have to get all the Keys on our side before Adam does. I, personally, would rather just find the Hell-bag and the indecisive asshole and be done with it. So, is everyone fine with that?”  
Everyone in the room nodded in agreement.  
“Great!” exclaimed Moses, “Now, everyone go to sleep!” Everyone in the room dropped to the floor and entered a deep sleep.


	50. Nameless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't even know who Sisyphus was when I wrote this.

A young man walked up a hill. He had two large rocks chained to his hands. He walked up the hill for centuries, but the hill never ended; it just perpetually went up for infinity.  
The hill itself was of a purple-ish tone, with dark purple grass and dark purple rocks. In fact, the other hills surrounding this hill, as well as the sky, were all of a dark purple shade.  
The young man had a patchy brown beard. He had thin brown hair, and piercing red eyes. His teeth were also relatively sharp. Deep red cuts were where his eyelids once were, and his nose was very broken—it had been for several years. The young man wore loose black tank-top and heavy black shorts. The shorts had several heavy chains on them, as well as a chain belt. He wore black shoes that were falling apart so much that you could see his blistered toes through the top.  
The young man continued to walk up the hill for eternity, as he was tricked into choosing to go to Hell when he died. He had accepted the Devil’s deal—to become the King of Hell.  
The man walked up the hill with great determination. He endured the pain in his hands and legs as he marched. His legs were covered in blood from all the times that they’ve been cut by rocks. As he walked up the hill, three demons flew by next to him.  
The demons were slender and ghost-like. They were of varying red hue, had yellow eyes, and their legs were replace by a shimmering, ghostly tail. They also had curved, pointed black horns and wore black army jackets. The jackets had a design on them in white that resembled a skeleton. “So, Nameless, how’s it going?” asked the first Demon with a hint of condescension in his voice. “Seen any good movies recently?”  
“Ha-ha, very funny,” said the young man, “and I’ve learned my lesson. ‘Power is bad, be nice to people.’ Et cetera et cetera et cetera. Can you let me leave now?”  
The Demons laughed. “You really think you’re getting out of here?” laughed out the second Demon. “Yea,” said the third Demon, “it’s called ‘Eternal Punishment’ for a reason.” Nameless grumbled and kept walking up the hill as the Demons followed.  
Nameless, as he walked, blocked out the Demons’ voices. He was pretty sure they were still hurling insults at him, but he just focused on the walking.  
After a minute or so, Nameless noticed that the hazing stopped. He also stopped walking and turned around. In the distance, he saw the three Demons flying off towards the giant purple mountain with fire coming out of it. ‘Hell’s Keep’ as it’s called classically, or more commonly ‘The Capital.’  
Seconds later, a column of fire came from the top of the Keep. “Guess there’s a new guy,” mumbled Nameless to himself. But, just as he said that, an alarm was heard all throughout Hell.   
“Intrusus monitionem!” proclaimed the siren. The siren was still in Latin because Hell refuses to upgrade their warning system. Because let’s be honest—who would try and break into Hell?   
Moses stood just outside of the Keep. He walked down the steps as several Demons charged at him with knives and spears. He simply motioned them away and they fell back. He continued to calmly walk towards the direction of Nameless Hill, the hill where the King of Hell would walk for eternity, pushing Demons aside as they attempted to stop him from accomplishing his goal.  
Eventually, the Reaper reached Nameless. “Hey, Arin,” called Moses to Nameless. Suddenly, Nameless turned around and his chains disintegrated. The boulders crumbled to pebbles and he was now free to go down the Hill. “What the…” was all he was able to get out, before Moses could explain, “I’ll explain once we get back. Just follow me.” Nameless decided to blindly follow Moses, seeing as he had no other choice.  
Moses calmly led the former King of Hell Nameless to the Capital. Moses swatted Demons off, as he did previously, only this time he was protecting not only himself but also his new associate.   
“So,” asked Moses, “who are you?”  
“I’m Nameless, King of…”  
“False. You are Arin Fortune, formerly Prince Arin, and formerly the Husband of Lady Luck. You died and accepted the Devil’s deal, a deal which promises someone of royalty a position as the King of Hell. However, it is a false promise, and grants the person Eternal Punishment. The person is then renamed to ‘Nameless,’ and must endure Eternal Punishment until either someone else accepts the deal or the person’s true name is revealed to them. I revealed your true name, so I freed you.”  
A rush of memories flooded into Arin as he walked up the steps of the Capital. However, within moments, the two beings reached the Gates of Hell. The Gates resembled a giant pillar of red fire. “Just trust me on this,” said Moses to Arin seconds before he hopped into the death cylinder. Arin stuck around for a moment, uncertain of if he would actually survive this means of transport. However, he quickly cast aside all inhibitions and leaped into the elevator of flame.  
Within minutes of painless travelling, Arin awoke in a pure white room. He lay on a white couch. He looked around the room for a moment, when Moses came through a door. “Right, welcome to Judgment, let me take you to the others.”  
Moses finished explaining the entire situation to Arin. “…and since all the mortals would just get in my way, that’s why I put them to sleep. And that’s why I’m putting you to sleep.” Arin collapsed to the ground.


	51. Impartiality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not so impartial after all.

Moses appeared in a Garden. The garden was rather plain. The floors were made of a white marble and they were lined with vibrant green bushes. The bushes had several clumps of colorful berries strewn through them, with an occasional bird here and there. Behind the bushes were yellow-green fields where several trees, vegetables, and other flora. The marble path led to a marble gazebo, where a short man in a dark blue robe stood.  
“Ah, Moses, lovely seeing you here,” said the short man.  
“Let’s cut to the chase, Imp,” blurted out Moses rather rudely.  
“Whoa Moses, calm yourself. There is no need to be upset. And my name is Impartial, not imp. I represent Impartiality, remember?”  
Moses began marching up to Impartial. “You apathetic fuck! The Universe is about to end and you’re just sitting here, watering plants for fucks sake!”  
“Rather hostile today, aren’t we? Why don’t you calm down over a nice cup of tea and we’ll talk this out. Even Adam was able to try and convince me in a civilized manner.”  
Moses began to get worked up, but he quickly calmed down and accepted the old man’s offer. Now that he thought about it, Impartial was quite old. He had a fairly wrinkled face and grey hair on the sides of his head. In fact, he looked quite a bit like Danny DeVito.   
“Now then, I suppose you’re going to try and convince me to join your side ‘for the good of the Universe’ and because ‘you’re the protectors of the Universe’ or something like that, right? If so, it won’t work, because Adam said that already.”  
However, Moses didn’t plan on saying that. He took a minute to fully collect his thoughts. He then started speaking. “No. You should support us because if Adam succeeds in his plan, you will die. Your plants will die, your friends will die, and you will die. Adam may have promised you an eternal garden, or a house of gold, or whatever it is you want, but he will turn back on his promises. He always lies. He promised the Gods that he would defend the Universe. He promised the Reapers that he would remain loyal the Judgment. He promised me that everything in the Universe would be wonderful. But he was wrong. All of the Reapers are related, so I think I’d know him better than you. If you want to trust him, go ahead. It’s not my decision. But do what’s right.”  
Moses stood up and began to walk back into the garden where he could go back to Judgment. “Wait…” said Impartial. Moses stopped. “I’ll help your cause. You’re right—Adam cannot be trusted.”  
Moses turned around. “Excellent,” he said, “then let me take you to Judgment so we can finally start this thing!”  
The two went out to the quartz road, and within minutes, they were back in the main room of Judgment, where everyone slept.


	52. The Battle of the Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER BIG FIGHT OH BOY!
> 
> Did I mention Homestuck?

Everyone awoke. “Rise and shine,” said Moses, “today’s a big day. We’re going to kill the upstart who’s trying to kill us all and save the Universe.”  
Minutes later, the Earth Army, as they’re being called, was filed in a crowd in front of the stage again. Moses stood up there and began to speak.  
“So, good news, we now have the upper hand over Adam. We have four of the seven Keys, and we have a huge army. I feel pretty confident. So, the plan:  
“Adam has agreed to meet us on the planet Dezra. It’s somewhere in the corner of the Universe, and it’s basically a giant desert; which is perfect for us, considering that almost all of you live in a desert on Earth. It’s also good because it means no innocent planets will be harmed. So the plan is to kill his army. We’re going to kill him and his army in a straightforward attack. No overcomplicated bullshit, no double agents, no time shenanigans, nothing crazy and impractical like that. You all have Laser Guns like the ones you’re used to on Earth, except these can actually kill Adam’s army. Are there any questions?”  
Several hands went up. Moses grumbled. “Lovely…” he muttered, “Yes, Ice or whatever, what’s your question”  
“What exactly is Adam’s army made of?” asked Icy Stardust.  
“Wow, surprisingly good question. But, I know you didn’t ask that, Tumblr did. Ooh! This reminds me…ah, I’ll get to that in a second. Adam’s army consists of a bunch of people from around the Universe and the Afterlife. Just a bunch of aliens and a few humans and a couple of demons and some angels and maybe a reaper or two…and I think maybe a God. It’s a mess of troubles. Next question…”  
“What happens if we get shot,” asked Jet Set, “since we’re kind of dead already?”   
“Oh, this is simple!” proclaimed Moses, “You’ll just cease to exist! You know what they say: You only die twice!” The crowd went silent. “Uh, err, next question.”  
“How will we breathe in space?” asked G-Way.  
“Dezra’s atmosphere is breathable,” explained Moses, “and it would seem there are no more questions. Just trust me on this, okay guys? Let’s go kill some stuff!”  
The Army of Earth appeared on Dezra. The Army consisted of the Killjoys, the Emokind, a few Colossals, and a few thousand people from everywhere else on Earth. Alongside them were several strange aliens, including a race of squid-like things, a race that resembled orange lizards, a race that each had four arms, a race that didn’t appear to have any skin, and a race of lions. The army of Adam didn’t look much better.  
The two forces stood in utter silence. Neither side moved. They just stood facing each other, waiting for one person to signal for the battle to start. They awaited some sort of sign…  
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning came from the sky and landed in the center field between the two armies. Once it did, all Hell figuratively broke loose.  
The battle started with a large flash of light that wiped out a few weaker races. The light was, of course, due to all of the Keys being activated. Two of the keys possessed by Adam’s army couldn’t contain their powers, so they simply exploded in a ball of light.   
The two armies clashed. Lasers shot from one side into the other, large metal clubs hit people in the face and crushed their skulls. Throats were slit. People were stabbed, shot, and disintegrated. This sort of chaotic nonsense went on for about three minutes, when a ceasefire was called for.  
Very few living beings remained.  
On the side of the Universe were a few humans, all of the gods, Moses, and a few other species of life. Adam was the only thing left on his side.  
“Give up, Adam!” shouted Moses, “There’s no way you can win!”  
Adam let out a good chuckle. “You see, Moses,” he said, “this is where you’re wrong. You may have eliminated my army, but that does more harm to you than it does to me. You realize I was going to kill them all eventually; you just saved me the time. But you all, on the other hand, are the ones who have no way of winning. This universe is corrupt and evil and I will be the one to purge it of its sins. Now, prepare to die!”   
Adam began to glow white. Bright light blinded the armies of the Universe. Beams of light broke Adam’s skin. His physical form released, and all that remained was a being of pure light. The light began expanding, burning all in its path.  
And then, it popped.  
The burst from the light killed nearly everything in its path.  
Gods succumbed to the light’s power. Reapers and Angels and Demons all reduced to dust. Only a few specks of color were untouched by the light’s seemingly omnipotent force.  
Ultimately, the destruction brought about by Adam’s explosion was certainly epic, awesome even. But it wasn’t the Universe-exploding force that he had hoped for. Sure, it did disrupt the balance of the universe. It killed many once omnipotent beings. Hell, it killed gods. But it didn’t destroy everything.  
Maybe that was Adam’s plan all along.  
To disrupt the Universe and let it kill itself.  
The light faded. Amidst the clouds of dust and piles of corpses, a group of beings remained alive. Joy Grateful, the Jesus of Suburbia, G-Way, Icy Stardust, and the Angel of Malevolence awoke and stood up. They were kept in a bubble of red that had been emitted from the Jesus’ key. Sure, they were tired. They were broken, battered, scarred.  
But they weren’t dead.  
The survivors looked around at each other. At first, they were shocked at their impeccable ability to survive. But this shock turned to relief for most, but anger for one.  
“How the FUCK are you still alive?” asked Joy with hostility towards Mal.  
“What-what do you…” replied Mal ever so elegantly.  
“I mean SERIOUSLY! You DIED, CAME BACK TO LIFE, DIED AGAIN, CAME BACK AGAIN, AND THEN AVOIDED DYING A THIRD TIME. WHAT THE FUCK?”  
Mal was unsure of how to respond.  
Joy screamed and then sat down. She pushed aside a corpse that was touching her leg. “I’m just…overwhelmed by what just happened,” she confessed.  
While this was going on, the Jesus had been looking around. “I, um… I don’t think we’re going to be able to ask my dad for a ride back to Earth,” he said as he pointed to the Punk god’s corpse.  
“GREAT! THAT’S JUST FUCKING GREAT!” screamed Joy, “NOW WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?”  
G-Way tried calming her down, but was immediately pushed aside.   
Icy tried speaking. “Guys…I…um…” was all he could get out before his skin shriveled up and folded into a pile at the feet of the being that stood where he once did. The being appeared to be a girl. She had blue hair and skin that seemed to be shifting hues every minute. Different splotches of her were different colors that moved and grew and shrunk. She had dark blue eyes, light blue lipstick, and a dark blue dress. She was barefoot.  
She looked around at the devastation surrounding her, and then muttered the word “Honk,” before passing out.


	53. Another Author's Note (Intermission Ten)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mentioned Homestuck, right?

Hi, it’s me, the author. I’d like to take a moment and recap the entire book up until this point. I’d also like to give you a moment to take a brief intermission. Grab a cup of tea, settle down, call your parents, whatever. And now, the recap:  
So at the start of the Universe there were several powerful beings known as gods. Those gods created many planets and beings to inhabit those planets. One of those planets was called Earth and Earth was inhabited by a race called humans.  
So a lot of stuff happened on Earth, and then fast forward a few million years and it’s approximately two-thousand and thirty years or so since this really important guy was born. This guy was the child of a god, known as the Jesus. And people worshipped him and stuff.  
But that’s not important right now. 2030-ish A.D. and there’s this one chunk of land on Earth known as the United States of America, and this place is ruled by a special human known as the President. So the President, who went by the name of John Blandon, used a chemical for pleasure and it made him crazy stupid. So stupid, in fact, that he declared war on the rest of the planet.  
So after the U.S. blows up, their society is completely destroyed and replaced by four territories; the Killjoys, the Colossals, the Emokind, and the Coolers. The territories are governed by a set of rules known as the Official Team Rulebook. And everything was fine for a while until it wasn’t.  
One of the first Killjoys was mad and left the Killjoys and started the Colossals. She then led genocide, and tried to conquer the entire region. She tried accomplishing this at first using a mystical power known as the Key.  
Some nonspecific time ago, the gods created these stones known as the Keys. Most of them went to humans. One of those humans was mind controlled by the other human previously mentioned. The Key was used and it caused the entire Killjoy and parts of the Emokind and Cooler territories to flood with a hot substance. The Killjoy territory was now formally conquered by the Colossals.  
So then the Emokind decide to send a group to check out the devastated Killjoy territory. They all ended up being killed by the Colossals.  
So then the Colossals united with the Coolers and they set eyes on the Emokind territory. They outlawed a particular subculture of human and began killing them all. Unfortunately the majority of the Emokind territory was made up of this subculture. So genocide happened.  
But the Colossals were also working on a giant robot to kill people. But, at the same time, an ancient evil was uncovered in the Emokind territory that ravaged the land. And, simultaneously, in the Cooler territory, the Jesus of Suburbia, the son of the Punk god, was making his way to the Emokind territory to save them.  
So all three forces collided somewhere in the Colossal territory and it caused widespread devastation. It essentially leveled the territories again and made them a desert again. But with the Colossals vanquished, the Killjoys who had previously retreated south returned to their land. And everything was peaceful for like a year or two.  
During the Emo Genocide, a large group of Emokind had fled the United States of America. They crossed the Rows of California and went to a land mass known as Australia. However this broke a law in the rest of the world and caused a peace treaty to end in the land. So, promptly after that island was blown up, the rest of Earth set out to conquer the United States.  
So a band of heroes left the four territories and went east to a dark land known as the Toxic Wasteland. They got some help, and then headed back to fight the rest of the world.  
And in that fight, everyone died.  
But, the widespread death was convenient. Another being, known as Adam, felt the Universe was impure, so he set out to end it and start a new one of his own.   
This, of course, pissed everyone off.  
So another being named Moses got a group of beings from all over the Universe, including a bunch of humans, together to fight Adam. But Adam was very powerful, so most of them died, but not before Adam exploded and was presumable vanquished.  
Now a small group of humans sit temporarily stranded on the planet where they fought Adam. But, a new mystical creature took over one of the humans. And this is where we last left off.  
So please, take a nap, and when you’re ready, feel free to read the final act of this story.


	54. Tumblr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Finale!

The four survivors gathered around the passed out girl. Everyone stood in silence, because no one was sure of how to respond to such a transformation. After the awkward silence lasted for a few minutes, the girl’s eyes opened.  
“Shit,” she said, “oh fuck; I’m…I’m actually here! It worked!” She jumped into the air and pumped her fist. “Aw, I feel…” she hesitated, and began looking around and thinking. “I feel…great.” She quickly turned to the survivors. “Hi! Mal, Joy, G, and Jesus, right? Great to meet you; I’m Tumblr, rather the embodiment of it and its community. I was reduced to a spirit after everything got fucked up, but one day I hid part of myself in the mind of that,” she pointed to Icy’s remains, “young boy. Whelp, he’s dead now, but not really. See, now he’s in my mind! ISN’T THAT CRAZY, GUYS?! ISN’T THAT JUST GRAND?!” She began running every which way.  
G-Way then spoke up. “So, um, I see you know us already?”  
Tumblr stopped inspecting a corpse and quickly turned to the group of four, all huddled together. “Oh yeah, I know everything! I AM A GOD!”  
The four thought about this as Tumblr went back to sniffing the corpse’s hair.  
“Wait,” questioned Jesus, “weren’t the gods, like, just killed?”  
Tumblr chuckled. “Silly demigod—gods never die! Their life junk is simply transferred into the next strongest being. That would have been that Adam fellow, but luckily he didn’t know that! But you know, here I am! And in case you’re wondering, there’s only one god now, and that’s me. But, Jesus, since you were the son of one of the other gods, and they were absorbed into me, that would make you my kid!”  
Jesus began to blush. For once, his near-omnipotence didn’t help him see the painfully obvious.  
“So, um Tumblr,” spoke up Mal, “what are you going to do? Like are you going to make a…kingdom…or are you just going to float everywhere? What now?”  
Tumblr stopped sipping a pool of purple blood. “Humph, that’s a great question! I guess I’ll probably just hang out wherever. Ooh! I know what you want! You want to get back home, right? I’ll do that, but I can’t come with! Gods got a lot of shit to do, and if you haven’t realized, the afterlife has gone to shit right now. So, I better send you on your merry way so I can get back to that. Bye now!”  
Tumblr twiddled her fingers in the direction of the survivors and they were quickly surrounded in blue sparkles. Then, they disappeared.

Loki Damned awoke in a dark room. The floor was made of a stone that resembled charcoal. The details of the room, actually, were very hazy. It was almost as if Loki had been asleep for a long time—almost an eternity.  
Loki’s eyes adjusted to the dark room. He looked down and saw that he was sitting on the floor. He then realized he was in a jail cell. The wall opposite him was not actually a wall, but rather cell bars. The room, he realized, was completely empty. He then looked down at himself and was horrified.  
He had become incredibly skinny—boney, actually. He had no muscles from what he could tell, or if he did they were as thin as skin. He did have a thin layer of skin, but it was a dusty gray-black, like a chunk of coal. He then felt his face, and it was not a face—it was a skull. Yet he was still somehow able to see and feel.  
He reached to the top of his head and felt hair. But the hair was not its usual self. It was all burnt, gooey, and tar-like. It was imbued in his skull, with a few damp strands sticking out. It was ultimately thinner than what he remembered, but all-in-all it was rather horrifying.  
He then looked down and realized what he was wearing. His shirt had also been imbued into his chest, and his pants seemed one with his legs. His jacket was the only thing that wasn’t fused with him. His boots were tattered and dusty, and most of the designs on them had faded. He was a monster.  
Loki stood up and began freakishly walking around. He looked around the room more closely. It was about seven feet high, 3 meters in length, and four meters in width. The bars were some sort of black metal, very cold to the touch. The walls were made of some sort of stone brick, but it didn’t appear to be from Earth.  
This made Loki remember that he was dead. But he died after he was already dead, so, according to Moses, Loki shouldn’t exist.  
These thoughts made Loki break down into an existential fit. He fell to the ground and rolled around in the fetal position. What was life? Where was he? What is going on? These were some of the thoughts that somehow crossed Loki’s mind, despite what should have been his inability to process thought, considering he didn’t exist and all.  
Suddenly, Loki heard another voice. It came from the left, presumably down the hall. It seemed to be a girl’s, but it sounded hoarse and broken. It cried, “Heeeeeelp! Heeeeeelp!” Another voice then joined in. It seemed to be closer to Loki, maybe it was a neighboring cell. It was a man’s voice, scraggly and odd, as if he smoked many drugs in his day. Several more voices joined their pitiful cry for help.   
Some of the inmates stuck their arms through the bars of their cells. Loki walked up to his bars to see this. All of the other prisoners were dark and skeletal, just like Loki. All of them moved very tiredly, without much hope. Loki was tempted to join them, but wondered what good it would do.  
Suddenly, a loud stomp came from the far right side of the cell. With this stomp, all of the cries ceased and the arms retreated back into their cells. A dark figure walked past the cells. It wore a black, hooded cloak that hid all physical features. Arms reached out towards it as it passed.  
The figure walked past the cells until it stopped at Loki’s. Loki stared at the figure. It seemed empty and soulless. For some reason, Loki was afraid. But, what was the thing going to do, kill him?  
The figure paused a moment, before stomping again. The arms that had previously been reaching for the figure slowly retreated back to their owners. The figure stretched out its arm to reveal a gross skeletal hand. Loki noticed that it had very sharp fingertips. The finger pointed at the top of the cell bars, and then slowly moved down. As it moved, the bars sunk into the ground, creaking as they went. Then, the figure motioned for Loki to follow it, and walked back down the hall.  
Loki waited a second, and then followed the figure. As he walked, the inmates began to wail. “Why? Why? Why?” they groaned as the figure and Loki left the room. They seemed to be begging for their “lives.” At the end of a hall was an old metal door that was a very dark gray. It had a creaky handle, which the dark figure turned. There also seemed to be a small window around eye level, but the glass was broken.   
Behind the door was utter darkness. Before walking through, the dark figure outstretched its arm and signaled for Loki to grab it, which Loki did. The two then went into the dark room.  
After trading carefully in the pitch black room, making sure to hold tight to the leathery skeletal arm of the figure, Loki heard a creaking of a door. Then, there was a bright light.  
Loki was blinded. It wasn’t actually very bright; it was just brighter compared to both the dark cell and the pitch black room. Loki walked forward, because the figure tugged on his arm. Still blinded, Loki heard the creaking of the door again. His eyes then began to adjust. He was on the side of a road, in what seemed to be a town. All of the buildings were beat up. Some were missing entire sections of structure, while others were littered with broken windows. Glass, garbage, and rats were scattered throughout the streets. It was a pretty shit place.  
Loki looked to the figure. The thing removed its hood to reveal a feminine looking thing. It had the same general look as every other creature seen so far, except its hair was sort of red. One of the arms was also not a skeleton, rather it was robotic. The thing then spoke in a voice that was sort of familiar to Loki, but sounded as if the person had been inhaling smoke.  
“Hey Loki,” said the voice, “It’s me, Lady Luck.”

 

And at that very moment, I realized my book was total garbage.  
I tried revising it a bit, but it didn't have a leg to stand on. I tried rewriting it a few times, but they were all awful.  
Months later, I had another idea for a book in a similar setting with a similar setup to "people in the desert killing each other."  
AND THUS, REWRITE 3 BEGAN.  
This time, with planning, and prewriting.  
So now hopefully the new version of a story with a similar concept to this horrible atrocity will be better.

Hooray?

Goodnight, dear reader.


End file.
